University/College Age Friendships 18-24

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At that age, it seems that everyone is looking for a good time, a good party, cute girls, cute guys, beer, liquor, and so on...

From my vantage point, it seems as though, folks like me end up being just another number on a cellphone that never calls, or another contact on MSN, that's never spoken to. Or for those of you who use myspace or facebook (I don't, but a lot of people use those)...another contact on that.

Do people even want friends? Are people even friends at that age? Or are they just party-connections? I'm kind of "useless" in this regard because I don't have any friends who are girls, and I can't make any. So, I don't have the right "currency" for friendships with other girls or guys.

It's all about "currency" - A system of exchange. I could be there to listen to someone when they're having a rough day, kick back and play videogames with them, be loyal to them, respect them, see movies with them, talk to them, hang out with them, care about them...you know, all the stuff I thought friends did with and for each other.

It seems as though, people don't want that nowadays. I don't have any "currency", therefore I don't have any friends.

It seems as though one "needs friends to make friends".

People are always looking for excitment, talking about how "non-judgemental", "laid-back" and "open-minded" they are, but it's all a joke. They're all looking for the same things...

1. A girl to shag
2. A kegger to get dead-wasted.
3. More party hook ups.

What's the point? What does this accomplish?

Am I missing something here? Are NT people at that age just that narcissistic and stupid that they don't even know what friendship means?

Wow...I didn't swear in this post...

I'm 19 and feel the same way. People dont want friends they seek a "gain" of sorts. You really described it very aptly. No one is selfless in relationships at that age and it sucks. People who are truly kind and give of themselves are outcast. It is bizarre.

Indeedd, i have a small group of friends and all they do is party. Im about to tern 25 and only recently have I stopped even bothering. I like them, and I enjoy hanging out, but Im not about parting anymore, you are not missing out. Granted I did learn alot over the years attending various outings, but I never really enjoyed it, nor do I enjoy it now. The only reason I ever attended, knowing I would probably dislike it is cause I wanted to have the social connections, at least a few anyways and I guess its nessissary. I imagine as I age (I wont speak for anybody else) but my priorities in life are changing yet again and partying never really brought me pleasure, actually more pain in the end.

I'm NT (my kids and husband are Aspie) and I find my university years difficult because I was never into 'partying'.

I was actually at university to learn - gasp, shock, horror!

I'm now 33 and have found friends with common interests.

The best way to find friends is to have a passionate interest/hobby. You'll usually meet people through your interests/hobbies.

Good luck!

Helen

Yes look for friends outside of your university, among common interest groups etc. Best way to go.

I like partying. But I never get invited anyways.

When I join interest groups, I find that the people are all several years older than me. Most of the people in my painting class for example, are in their 30s and 40s.

Don't get me wrong, though. They're really nice and cool, but they're not anywhere near my age.

Don't let it bother you. I have quite a few people I'll spend time with that are 10-20 years older than me. IMHO, age is really only a factor if you're planning on dating them, and even then it's only a small part of a very large equation.

Well if you like it and want to experience more of it then you have a choice to make. Either you suck up your pride and do whatever you need to do to fit in and get along or you don't and you don't b***h about being left out. If the latter then the interest groups are the way to go as has been estabolished.

People are only interested in you if you are in fact, interesting to them. You should aim to get known for something. Like the guy who always organises the biggest keg, or says the funniest s**t etc. Design some sort of identity that is agreeable with them and not impossible for you to live up to. Then you will get your invites. I also sense a lot of anger and moodiness in you which is a big turnoff for these very types of people. It's anti-fun.

So there you go, plan A or plan B.

** I've tried to fit in many times and failed at it. I tried to change myself for this dehumanized mass, failed miserably, and ended up pissed off at myself, and them.

I've tried to be known for something but I suck at everything the NTs are interested in. I suck at the following:

1. Sports (that's a big one)
2. Comedy (I'm just not 'ha-ha' funny)
3. Acting (Can't put on a show that these people will buy...sigh...I guess I'm just not stupid enough )
4. Lowering my intelligence to the level of a grapefruit (I'm being generous here, most people aren't that intelligent, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt).
5. Using People (I don't know how to do that, and I have a conscience, so I guess I'm not cool)
6. Taking other people's crap (Mess with me, I mess with you...an eye for an eye...don't mess with jKrane)
**I know the difference between joking around, and actual disrespect.**

7. Everytime I try to please NTs, I just keep screwing up. I can't change who I am, and it is damn hard to pretend I am someTHING (emphasis on the word, "thing) I am not. I am someONE, not someTHING.

I still live at home, so no kegger, and I'm not about to organize a bush party, because it'll get broken up by the cops faster than you can say, "beer me"! In fact, I wouldn't have a kegger even if I owned my own place.

I'm not fundamentally an angry or a moody person.

Lately, however, I've been very angry with girls lately. I just keep getting the same BS over and over and over again, and the lies and passivity make me angrier by the second. None of this is my fault, and I will not accept any responsibility for it.

I really do wonder why you desire so deeply to be a part of what you dislike so much. It seems that you are more interested in taking out your unhappiness than looking for alternative methods to solve your predicament.



You have a strong desire to externalise problems, that is you blame the world. Other people. Some invisible force sent deliberately to destroy you. This of course is complete BS.



You are at war with yourself. You need to accept yourself for who you are instead of trying to force an outcome that won't work. It's like setting yourself up for failure and then being suprised and angry when it does not work.



I was just making a suggestion, there are many other more legal alternatives.



No you're not, but you are nuturing these emotions and allowing them to take hold of you. I really think that your problem is your ideals and that you have not accepted yourself for who you are. You are not an NT. You can not fairly become angry at people for not conforming to YOUR ideals. Especially seeing as they exist only in your mind. When you talk to a girl in a manner that you think is great, she may not see that way because she does not think the way you do. Getting angry at them for reacting this way is just ridiculous and unproductive. It solves nothing and it makes them dislike you further because from their point of view, their reality, you just got upset at them for no reason (or strange reason in their eyes). Especially when they don't have a problem when it comes to other guys, would it be interpreted this way.



HAHA not your fault and no responsibility? The responsibility for your behaviour is yours alone. Girls do not follow logic the way a lot of men or ASDs etc, do. They are treating you the same way and disrespecting you because you are not respecting them. There is quite a lot of depth as to how to behave in such a way that makes women naturally respect you and attracted to you. I suggest you study up some information on this. Do not read Mens Health, Marie Clare or any idiotic source of half truth like that. Read some relationship books from the library and generally seek out the quality materials.

Yes, that's why I gave up on friends a while back.

I appreciate you replies and advice nb411.

I just don't know what to do.

I've tried to be respectful, accepting, and nice, but that has just gotten me nowhere.

I've been thinking about going back to drugs, so I don't care whether or not I have friends to begin with.

I'm glad you got something out of it, though I must say, don't give up completely. Personally I have accepted that I can not always mix it with the NTs but I do still have friends. I just interact with them in a way that is more beffiting to me. This is in contrast to how society wants you to peruse friendships by going out clubbing/partying etc. I think that you just need some more time to work out how to make the most of who you are. You are young yet, it's not over and these frustrations or yours will subside. Oh and lay off the drugs...not necessary.

You see, they want these things because they require no thought. Any ape can f**k a girl and chug a beer. They want to free themselves from thinking because they hate reality and want to escape it. Eventually they'll realize that reality is the final court of appeals which cannot be escaped. Meanwhile, people like me will have built up an amazing mental and financial capacity. So while your average dumbass frat boy is working at Best Buy trying to save up enough cash to buy the latest season of Family Guy on dvd, I'll be making tons of money, going places, and doing important and awesome stuff.

lol

well put

I say just be yourself. If you're yourself, you'll be more likely to find people that are worth associating with. If you don't find anyone in college that's worth associating with, then that sucks, but it's better than being a façade and associating with people you don't care for. Even though the typical NT response is to not be yourself, that's crap. Be yourself, don't be afraid of it. You're probably so angry, because you can't come to terms with who you are. You have AS and take a painting class with significantly older people. So what? You don't have to be ashamed of it. If people don't like you because of things like that, then screw them, they're not worth your time.