Competing against me!

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18 Feb 2025, 12:33 pm

In my social group there is this Chinese guy who is trying to compete against me (in terms of likeability) with my frirnds and even took one of my potential love interests out to watch a band play at a bar.

I am a polite to him but do you think he's being unfair towards me in a way?

funeralxempire
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18 Feb 2025, 12:41 pm

You don't give enough information to be able to form an opinion of if he's being unfair towards you.

Did he know you were interested in that other person?
Is that other person interested in either of you?
Have you ever asked that other person out?
What does he do that you view as competing with you?

Since you describe that person as a potential love interest, rather than a partner I don't really see how his behaviour is out of line (at least with that specific example). It sounds like he asked a single person out and succeeded. I'm not sure your pining for that person is relevant, especially if you haven't communicated it to either of them.

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18 Feb 2025, 12:45 pm

People are free to go out with whoever they like Jamesy. Just because you're interested in her doesn't mean she can't see other people

I feel like this is a silly answer to a very vague question

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DuckHairback
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18 Feb 2025, 12:46 pm

I like the sound of this guy. Can you get him to join WP so we can all chat with him?

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Jamesy
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18 Feb 2025, 12:48 pm

babybird wrote:

People are free to go out with whoever they like Jamesy. Just because you're interested in her doesn't mean she can't see other people

I feel like this is a silly answer to a very vague question

I do a lot of volunteering for cancer research and also volunteer at a charity. This Chinese guy seems to have an issue with me going out to socialise and spending some of my money

I am desperate to get a job but currently on benefits.

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18 Feb 2025, 12:52 pm

DuckHairback wrote:

I like the sound of this guy. Can you get him to join WP so we can all chat with him?

Why because he doesn't like me?

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18 Feb 2025, 12:53 pm

Jamesy wrote:

babybird wrote:

People are free to go out with whoever they like Jamesy. Just because you're interested in her doesn't mean she can't see other people

I feel like this is a silly answer to a very vague question

What do you mean by "Issue"

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18 Feb 2025, 12:56 pm

babybird wrote:

Jamesy wrote:

babybird wrote:

People are free to go out with whoever they like Jamesy. Just because you're interested in her doesn't mean she can't see other people

I feel like this is a silly answer to a very vague question

What do you mean by "Issue"

He questions me about my financial situation quite a lot. My parents and God parents are wealthy but some people who work full time have a problem with that.

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18 Feb 2025, 12:59 pm

Oh right

Have you asked him why he thinks any of that is his business

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18 Feb 2025, 1:04 pm

babybird wrote:

Oh right

Have you asked him why he thinks any of that is his business

Maybe it's because he thinks his taxes might fund my lifestyle. I think I am on benefits at the moment because I have not got a paid job

funeralxempire
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18 Feb 2025, 1:10 pm

You might need to shut him down. When he asks about your finances, tell him it's not his business.

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18 Feb 2025, 1:13 pm

Jamesy wrote:

babybird wrote:

Oh right

Have you asked him why he thinks any of that is his business

Maybe it's because he thinks his taxes might fund my lifestyle. I think I am on benefits at the moment because I have not got a paid job

You shouldn't discuss your finances with anyone Jamesy. You don't know his motives

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18 Feb 2025, 1:25 pm

babybird wrote:

Jamesy wrote:

babybird wrote:

Oh right

Have you asked him why he thinks any of that is his business

Maybe it's because he thinks his taxes might fund my lifestyle. I think I am on benefits at the moment because I have not got a paid job

You shouldn't discuss your finances with anyone Jamesy. You don't know his motives

What do you mean his motives?

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18 Feb 2025, 1:25 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

You might need to shut him down. When he asks about your finances, tell him it's not his business.

Why do some people like to make it there business?

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18 Feb 2025, 1:30 pm

Jamesy wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

You might need to shut him down. When he asks about your finances, tell him it's not his business.

Why do some people like to make it there business?

I'm not sure, but regardless of their reason (motive), sometimes you've gotta establish (and maintain) a boundary.

The reason is often little more than that they're nosy, sometimes it can be more malicious. It doesn't really matter what it is, if they insist on prying into stuff that's none of their business, you need to make it clear that they're overstepping.

Last edited by funeralxempire on 18 Feb 2025, 1:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jamesy
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18 Feb 2025, 1:31 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

Jamesy wrote:

funeralxempire wrote:

You might need to shut him down. When he asks about your finances, tell him it's not his business.

Why do some people like to make it there business?

I'm not sure, but regardless of their reason, sometimes you've gotta establish (and maintain) a boundary.

What do you think babybird meant by "Not knowing his motives"?

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