I just don't have anything in common within anyone my age.

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Dart
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19 Oct 2006, 8:13 pm

All of my attempts at friendship have failed for that reason - I just don't have anything in common with anyone my age, thus I don't know what to talk about with them. And when I try to act "cool", I just come off as an idiot. I really don't know what to do. I find it impossible to keep a conversation going with anyone outside of my immediate family.



mikh07
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19 Oct 2006, 8:17 pm

if you don't mind me asking.. what are your interests though?



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19 Oct 2006, 9:35 pm

I like talking about food. It's an easy thing to bring up since everybody has to eat. 8)



aleclair
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20 Oct 2006, 4:27 pm

Dart wrote:
And when I try to act "cool", I just come off as an idiot.


I learned the same thing a long time ago. The exact reason why I have my own standards of "coolness".

Not always do you have to act "cool" to get along. I find that, among guys, guys who are more confident - more comfortable with who they are in group interactions - seem to be involved with more social interactions of higher quality.

But I should not be assuming that you are a guy.

It would be simple for me to ask, "what are your interests?" but - seeing that's been done - I might as well ask, "How confident are you about yourself? Are you assertive or insecure?"

Just a thought.



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20 Oct 2006, 5:51 pm

Talk about Peace. It works with me! Everybody wants to war in the Middle East to stop, so Peace would be a good topic.



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20 Oct 2006, 5:56 pm

Sometimes I wonder if I have any common interests with anyone my age.

Tim


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Dart
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20 Oct 2006, 6:42 pm

Quote:
if you don't mind me asking.. what are your interests though?

Foreign languages, '60s/'70s/'80s music, video games, libertarianism...

Quote:
"How confident are you about yourself? Are you assertive or insecure?"

I'm confident in my intelligence and my opinions, but I'm not confident in my ability to socialize.

Quote:
Talk about Peace. It works with me! Everybody wants to war in the Middle East to stop, so Peace would be a good topic.

Well, the area where I live is predominantly Republican, so that wouldn't go over too well with a lot of people.



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20 Oct 2006, 6:51 pm

Dart wrote:
Quote:
Quote:
Talk about Peace. It works with me! Everybody wants to war in the Middle East to stop, so Peace would be a good topic.

Well, the area where I live is predominantly Republican, so that wouldn't go over too well with a lot of people.


Same here. CockneyRebel is Canadian, though.



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22 Oct 2006, 9:38 pm

aye, i feel yer pain, matey. it's hard finding a teenager who's interested in pirates, hair, mold, fungi, lorikeets, microscopes,word origin, and many other things that intrigue me. i've found a few friends who are like me and they're pretty awesome. i guess my advice would be to keep looking.


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Tim_Tex
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23 Oct 2006, 2:12 am

Most of the friends my age whom I have anything in common with are on WP.

Tim


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23 Oct 2006, 6:18 am

Dart, I know how you feel.

I've tried many friendships at school and they've all failed, or I've felt out of place. :(

I like 80s music.

Not alot of people have anything in common with me as well.



Roybertito
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23 Oct 2006, 6:27 am

Dart wrote:
Quote:
if you don't mind me asking.. what are your interests though?

Foreign languages, '60s/'70s/'80s music, video games, libertarianism...

Quote:
"How confident are you about yourself? Are you assertive or insecure?"

I'm confident in my intelligence and my opinions, but I'm not confident in my ability to socialize.

Quote:
Talk about Peace. It works with me! Everybody wants to war in the Middle East to stop, so Peace would be a good topic.

Well, the area where I live is predominantly Republican, so that wouldn't go over too well with a lot of people.


Are you my clone? Seriously, try this:

-Don't act cool. My motto is, "I'd rather be unpopular and viewed as a nerd then be cool: there's much less pressure involved and you have better conversations."

-When in a conversation, talk about your interests. If they get bored and don't want to talk, leave - it's not worth it abandoning your interests.

-If you're in high school, try joining (or even better, starting) a club. Not only does it get you college credit (they do love extra-curriculars), but you can find a large group of people with your interests.

-Try eavesdropping. If you hear someone or a group of people discussing what you like to discuss, join the conversation. It may seem rude, but I've met my best friends that way.

-Use observation. If someone is, say, wearing a "The Clash" shirt, mention something - if you like 60s-80s era music, you have to like The Clash. Or say, someone has a hat on with an anarchy symbol on it. Libertarianism = organized anarchy. Say something. Observation is how I met my girlfriend, for instance - she had an Inuyahsa tote bag, I'm an anime fan, and I mentioned something - got a date a week and a half later. :D

-Try reverse-observation. For example, wear a shirt representing your favorite video game. Chances are someone will say something - use that comment as a launchpad for a conversation! Chances are you've got yourself a potential friend on your hands.

-You said you were confident in your beliefs - good! Now, a lot of people say this is bad advice, but trust me, no matter how dumb it sounds, it works - BE EGOTISTICAL. Flaunt your opinions - it generates respect among both your peers and otherwise, and thus, more friends. Trust me, it works.

If anything, know that there are people that have your same interests - take me for example.

But then again, I may as well be a bot - WHO KNOWS!? XP


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23 Oct 2006, 10:00 am

Roybertito wrote:
-Try reverse-observation. For example, wear a shirt representing your favorite video game. Chances are someone will say something - use that comment as a launchpad for a conversation! Chances are you've got yourself a potential friend on your hands.


I can vouch for this one! 8)



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07 Nov 2006, 7:09 pm

If you can play, or learn, start a band. I hold my nose when I say this, but 80s retro is big nowadays.

The reason I hold my nose is because I'm a modernist in the Jello Biafra sense. "Retro is poison."



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19 Nov 2006, 7:56 am

I felt like that for a long time - in fact, my workplace was like that for ages, and the one person I found who actually knew what I was talking about has recently moved to another job within the Civil Service, so I'm back to square one, with people not having a clue about what I'm saying :(

I have learned, however, that going to the local comic shop and role-playing club has been better for me than trying to mix randomly with the public at large, since I'm with like-minded people there, and I feel a lot less awkward than I used to. I still have a tendency to make people give me funny looks, of course, but they're friendly funny looks, rather "my God, that guy's a freakin' freak" funny looks.

People with similar interests to you are out there. Blindly thrashing around trying to connect with everybody brings no rewards. Refine your search pattern, and results will be yours.


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19 Nov 2006, 11:37 am

Quote:
Foreign languages, '60s/'70s/'80s music, video games, libertarianism...


Dart, how old are you?

I'll talk about those things (minus foreign language unless YOU can get me interested in it ;) )

Its how you talk about things.. If you want to get them to join you in these conversations, say it so that you are talking about some things THEY will want, as well.. Maybe, for libertarianism, ask them some general questions about what they would like a government to do - we all live under one (unfortunately, eh?)

For music, ask them some of their favourite artist and why.. if you ask questions and show genuine interest in them (and make it real) then it will come back..

Who doesn't like video games? 8)

It IS best if people share the same interests.. my best friends have a lot in common with me
My best friend, we both are into war history (WW2 specifically), video games, hockey, guitar (now that I started playing) and golf, to name a few.. Not to mention he was the first person I met who was more like me then not..

Best of luck, and if you keep trying to relate to your friends, its time to find new friends.. I had a friend (I mentioned in another thread) who tried to be everyone's best friend.. his interests did not coincide with everyone else's.. he is miserable and makes others miserable as a result - avoid this at all costs

I met one 'cool' person in my life.. well, I got to talk to one, more or less.. He fixed my motorcycle while I just kind of hung around.. by the end of it, I had him discussing all his issues he was having with the biking club we were in (he ran) and such.. We were joking and mocking each other by the end of it because I took advantage of something most people dont get - he needed an ear, I had one