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i've just learned of asperger's today, and quite to my surprise. i feel actually pretty happy about it, as i can relate in a lot of ways and for once, i feel like there are people who might just feel the way i do. (by the things i've read anyway) so i am here to figure out if this is my answer. i hope it is, and that there's reasons for me being "different", other than just really not "getting it" in various ways. but i think i "get" some things that others seem oblivious to. as luck would have it, these are things that seem impossible to articulate! :

( here's a post i put in a psychology forum recently. no one understood. do you?


"i've felt socially awkward, like nothing i say is right, and i constantly put my foot in my mouth. i find myself just blurting out very personal things prematurely to people i meet or get to know, and i'm beginning to feel like people think i'm crazy. as a child i often wondered if anyone would tell me if i was ret*d. (everyone always said i was "special") i feel like i think way differently than anyone else, and i don't have the social skills that most others do. i feel like i can't keep things to myself that i'm thinking about, and people who i make friends with stay friends for a few months, then basically disappear.

i find myself obsessing over certain things (i was OCD as a child, undiagnosed, my dad blew it off, but i remember) i cant push thoughts out of my head like moving to europe, or starting a business, or tattoos, or the state of my soul, whatever. for awhile, i was obsessed with reptiles. as a teen, it was certain rock stars. what i'm obsessing over, takes over my thoughts, and i can't think of anything else to talk about. it doesn't help that all of my interests contradict eachother.

i feel like i am awkward in myself. like i don't know who i am. i don't know exactly what i feel a lot of the time. i don't know how to talk to people. i like to socialize, but i regret everything i say or do later. this discourages me. i feel different from everyone else, and the more i try to talk to certain people about it, the crazier i feel (and sound). i feel like someone has blindfolded me and spun me around in circles. this has been escalating lately. probably cause i'm too tired to keep hiding it. what is going on with me?!

can you maybe give me a perspective of myself that i can work with, or tell me how i can be more comfortable in my own mind, or at least outwardly seem to have it together? i'm desperate, and feel like i'm losing credibility (and friends)

thanks in advance "


so there it is. are we relating?? God, i hope so!

Last edited by mine_eyes on 25 Sep 2007, 12:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

20-some views, 1 reply, and it doesn't even acknowledge what i said. the story of my life

lol j/k Thanks for the welcome!

Impulsivity. Not usually an AS trait, to my knowledge. Personally I tend to think more, say less.



OCD is a feature of AS, but it doesn't mean you have AS. Could be you just have OCD.



Sounds like OCD. My mother has it and did this. She eventually over-thought it to the point she totally isolated herself except for work.



You can make friends easily enough (also not an AS trait) from what you say, you just have difficulty keeping them because no one really wants to hear your entire life story. Social interactions are done in the here and now, and most people draw a bit on the past but for the most part they leave it in the past. I think you need to work on that. Are you seeing a therapist? Regardless of your diagnosis, I think that's a good start.

Also, it seems you crave attention and the ability to fit-in. Kind of the exact opposite of me. I simply seek to be accepted as a square peg in a world of round pegs. I don't desire to be a round peg. And attention freaks me out, I avoid it at all costs.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I also felt awkward when I was younger.
I have learned alot by reading books on AS , and that does help. Do not feel you are alone, for you are not.

Well whether or not it is AS related, I know exactly what you are talking about. I've been researching AS for well over a year, and feel that this is the best fit for what is going on with me. My psychiatrist and therapist agree on the most part. I was told I had OCD, but it never made sense to me that I could be. I was very obsessive about things, but rarely compulsive. I made (and still make) a lot of social blunders like you do, especially the saying too much about personal things, it's hard for me to find the line of what to say or not especially if it is something I am excited or upset about at the time. No matter what "it" is, it's always nice to find people that think like you do. So, it was nice for me to read your post and think, "I am not the only one."

Everything you say resonates with me. I can't diagnose, but I sure can tell you that you'll find kindred spirits at WrongPlanet. I'm glad you found us.

One thing about obsessions - I sometimes wonder why NT's (neuro-typicals) don't obsess. It seems to me that they skim everything and then let it drop. Strikes me as a rather shallow way to live, to tell you the truth. On the other hand, aspies get very intimate with the subject and learn all about it. We have the laser focus that it requires. And all those shallow people (since they are in the majority) consider this a shortcoming! I think it's a gift, a talent.

Congrats! I'm glad you found that info!

A lot of your post seemed awfully familiar and reading it through for the second time I saw a lot of 'me' in there. It looks like our lives have travelled similar paths. The socially awkward bit does get a bit better over time but it's something which has to be controlled rather than beaten into submission because it never goes completely away.

The best way I have found to deal with this is constant exposure to other people. For ten years I worked in a job where I faced one member of the public after another and eventually I didn't feel the need to run away and hide each time I met a total stranger for the first time. This technique also applies to the 'foot in mouth' problem because after dealing with people for years your mind will no longer be falling over itself in a frantic effort to find something to say.

Obsessing over certain things? Lots of folk with AS do that including me. Sometimes it needs a friend to lay their hand on your shoulder and whisper 'enough' but the fact that you have recognized the problem means that you can probably control this without outside help.

Finally, welcome to Wrong Planet

Ed Almos

thanks guys. even if i don't have aspergers, it seems like i'd best fit in here lol but i am definitely motivated to schedule an appointment for myself asap to see if i can get some kind of diagnosis. i took an online aspie test, i don't know how accurate it is, but it said i was "very likely". like 170/200 and then 70-some on some other reading. something to do with autism i think. i'll have to recheck. hey, at least if it's not aspergers, the therapist will have the basic idea of what my problem is by my relating to aspergers?

anyway, thanks alot you guys!

I suspect you'll find parallels here. Especially since you write backwards - I like that! And yes, I think you do compensate, as we all do, with your talents! I've noticed Aspies (HFA) never do anything 'wrong' or 'bad,' we just don't know and can be innocent. I have had some take advantage of my vulnerability - I'm very shy. And they know.

Science geek, brainy + shy + socially awkard + pretty female + naive = easy to tease (sometimes, and usually by other women) & misinterpreted.

Sad.....



Oh, mental note everyone: Could you read my post further below? I am at meltdown.........please advise. Let's play doctor - you be the psychiatrist. Seriously, I just don't know what to do.

Last edited by LabPet on 25 Sep 2007, 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It may well be AS
Some here seem to forget it is a spectrum. Not all aspies are shy and retiring. Not all aspies have no desire to be seen and to socialise. In fact, some like very much to, but make lots of mistakes, and invade personal space because they have no idea of such things and talk too much, especially if ADD is a co-morbid.
I would tho, if you want to be sure, seek a diagnosis as I am doing.

you guys are so open and accepting! thanks!~

btw i went to a psychologist yesterday, i gave him a list of the things i felt i have in common with aspies and talked with him for awhile. he said that some things i said was "flirting" with aspergers, but that he wants me to take a test this week when his supervisor gets back, and they'll have to send it away n stuff, but when we get it back it'll say all kinds of things about me... i'm excited about that, as it's hard for me to know how to perceive myself. aaanyway, thanks for all the helpful replies and i'll be sure to report back to this thread, any findings!

You sound a lot like me, and I was Dx'd with ADHD a couple years ago (and am very likely also aspie). Particularly, the impulsiveness is a major ADD trait. I'm also very obsessive--someone on these boards recently pointed me to the wikipedia entry for OCPD (in this thread), which is much more accurate than "OCD."

I've been told by a social worker that ADHD is along the autism spectrum, and that some people are even starting to refer to it as ADHD-Asperger's. And just because you enjoy being social doesn't rule out Asperger's. If more aspies were better socially-skilled, they'd probably enjoy being social a bit more--but my sense is that, early on, a lot of us felt "burned" by others, and have since shunned most social interaction. Doesn't mean that we want to be constantly left alone, though.

Stress tends to exacerbate disability symptoms, so if you've been more stressed/tired/anxious etc. lately, then your symptoms (e.g. impulsivity, obsessiveness) will likely become more prominent.

Medication for ADHD can help some people with impulsivity, though generally it's intended to help with focus and attention. Taking care of yourself in other ways (get enough sleep--for you--which may mean more than 8 hours, eat a balanced diet, get exercise, keep stress levels low) should also help. Doing those things will make it easier for you to be able to say to yourself, "my kneejerk reaction right now would be to say 'bla,' but I'm going to hold my tongue/count to three/take a deep breath instead and see what happens this time."

Therapy is also important.

thanks so much. a lot of what you said makes sense. when i get stressed or what have you... my brain just seems to free-fall. i took some test yesterday and they'll send away for some answers and... who knows what it will say... till then i'm going to not socialize. i really don't feel like regretting anything extra for now. i'm pretty depressed right now so not much for even dealing with the internet. i'll try to keep my spirits up by immersing myself in work and planning.

thanks a bunch guys. my thoughts are with you!