Gauging Social Success

Post Reply New Topic

How do you gauge successful social interaction? For me, holding a ten-minute conversation with someone without boring them, insulting them, or their inferring something I never meant to imply (by my words and nonverbal cues alike) such that they will want to talk to me again is what I consider success. Moving beyond ten-minute conversations with acquaintances to making friends that I actually do things with will be the next step once I have gotten good enough at conversing to make offline friends.

For now the only way I can even hope to get people to do anything with me is by annoying them into doing it, but obviously that's not a very good method. Once I am good enough with social skills, maybe people will naturally want to be around me so that I don't have to force them into it, essentially.

Does anyone have a similar goal for the immediate future? Are you slowly trying to build social-interaction skills?

I've been trying to do that for well over thirty years...

Very.

in some circumstances i can have a one-to-one conversation with a person (if i'm in a comfortable environment and the person shares one or more of my interests) and this has led to me making a couple of friends and, at one point, having a boyfriend. but, so far, i have never managed to successfully particpate in group conversation.

a few weeks ago i arranged to meet my friend but when i met him he had invited two of his other friends. i concentrated really hard on keeping up with what everyone was saying and even contributed to the conversation several times (i was really pleased with myself as i had never managed to do this before). but, at the end of the evening, one of his friends came up to me and said "what the hell is wrong with you?" and then he said that i didn't have a real personality, that i was socially-retarded and that i was the most emotionally-detached person he had ever met. i tried to explain that i have a neurological disorder that makes social interaction difficult for me and he said that it wasn't a good enough explanation for my behaviour.

i think what he said was very rude and, even though my social skills leave a lot to be desired, i would never speak to someone the way he spoke to me.

Rude is an understatement. That was downright insulting!! ! He sounds like an obnoxious little sod and I would strongly advise not having anything to do with him.

This is unbelievable. Anyone who would say that to someone they know well is hardly worth a second thought, but someone they have just met??? That is just cruel and callous. I would probably never speak to them again. You certainly did not owe him any sort of explanation.

Never speak to him again? That's not good enough, because he wouldn't give a crap about that. I'd have thrown down some "fighting words" right then.

LEAVE IT LOWREQ! HE AINT WORTH IT! Seriously though that is crossing a boundary, id never let a stranger talk that way to me. The coward probably wouldnt talk that way to a man though in case he gets his block knocked off.

and


my friend knows how i feel and i've made it clear that i don't want to be there when this man is around.

and, as eamonn suggested, i think my gender played a part in it because the man is a well-known womaniser and i suspect he was annoyed with me because i had rejected his sexual advances. so i have no way of knowing if he meant the things he said or if it was just his spiteful way of accusing me of being "frigid."

Last edited by hecate on 24 Sep 2005, 9:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He probably was just upset that you did not massage his ego properly.

Back on topic.
My only social goals at this point are to have people that I can exchange ideas with, and maybe to find a girl that I can settle down with.
I have given up on developing social skills. I can fake it sometimes if it's necessary, but if I am going to have to be around people a lot it's easier just to be myself and let them think whatever in the begining.
The bottom line is that most people genuinely enjoy social interaction, reguardless of any content, whereas for me it is a means to an end. Maybe this makes me a jerk. That is the impression I generally get.

Sorry, I am feeling unusually jaded this evening.

It depends who I am having a conversation with and what it is about. I can talk to certain people for well over an hour (if time allows) and don't even notice time pass. I'm trying to get better at things like eye contact and varying my voice a little more (my sister always tells me to quit talking in a monotone).

For me, the main problem is panicking (did I spell that right?) when around people, especially after socialising for more than a few minutes.

For a long time, my goal was to keep up a good conversation. But I've found that conversation flows perfectly fine with some pole, and not aat all with most. I've accepted that, because I'm not a huge fan of most peole in the first place. To be honest, I dislike most other guys my age gender (17 male), and I've realized I'm better off talking exclusively to woman and "odd(etc.)" people. After I realized all that ( a few weekds ago), I decided I can try to get myself a girlfriend. So socially, my goal is getting a girlfriend right now. I can hold a convesation with people I geniuenly like and can have it for about as long as I like as long as they're better than I am. I'm so close to getting a girlfriend that I'm having trouble believing it. It's one of those things that are so hard to believe that my mind can't really comprehend, like knowing that I probably well graduate high school.

hecate, eamonn, and RobertN,
That goon's voice just rang with that Aryan twang

50,
I think I too would have verbally challenged that Aryan-voiced thing with some strong words if confronted. Making comments like that was gutless on his part. There is no excuse.


And ladies and gentlemen,

Some times we can and do come across imposing situations unexpectedly and it's not every time that just-met acquaintance will be understanding and accepting of our having this condition we are so uneasily aware of having.

For me, just having an intelligent and sensible conversation with another about a shared interest or passion is quite a perk in itself, but OTOH, if I don't see that in a gathering that I happen to be part of, my first tendency will be to quietly slither away. Sometimes, it just isnt worth the bother of trying to participate if there is nobody there that has anything in common with you.

I am good at holding a 10-minute conversation and conversing w/ a group of people although sometimes I feel left out.I ashve also had a girlfriend AND a boyfriend and I'm told I am good at making new friends.

-SpaceCase