condisending politeness

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My friend tells me most common aquaitances tell him they can't stand me personally I'm so used to that I've generally just given up trying. What bugs me is that i openly warn them I tend to rattle on and them telling me would be appreciated, that coupled with my obvious physical traits as an Aspie should paint a pretty clear picture. Now being polite is one thing but I tend to have the mindset that if you're going to insult me do it to my face, and personally find it rather cowardice when they tell others I know this but don't have the figurative guts to tell me.

So here are the questions has anyone else ran into this type of situation, and if so what are your thoughts when you encounter it.

i'd love to know what people thought of me, good or bad.

I think most people don't tell others how they really feel about them because the result would often be drama or chaos. We're a different breed. Most people don't really want to know.

lately the people that know me, (my family) have been telling me im being too nice when i see them but since i dont know how to balance out the 'bluntness' with compliments im gonna try being nice to everyone from now on and see how that works out for me

I know the thing that bothers me is that I've essentially been wasting my time talking to some spineless coward who would rather bad mouth you behind your back instead of have the common courtesy to exsuse themselves or sometning as a possible hint.