I need recommendations

Post Reply New Topic

Is it wise to try to initiate contact over the internet with someone you've seen in real life, or is that too creepy?

I know where to find a bunch of people from my school on MySpace; people I either don't talk to much or would like to meet, although I haven't seen some of them very often this year.

Does anyone think using the internet to contact real people with intent to become real-life acquaintances is creepy, cowardly, or otherwise unnatural and/or stunting to the growth of my social development? Is it a bad idea trying to initiate contact with a schoolmate you may not even see in school that often?

LOL I may not be the best person to answer this. The internet is darn near the only way that I ever contact anyone. I even found my husband via computers (long before I knew anything about AS). That probably is unnatural, but I'm at the point where I want to do what is comfortable and most enjoyable for me rather than what a 'normal' person would do. I have other issues that need my attention a lot more than my lack of social skills, so for now I'm comfortable sticking to............well, sticking to what's comfortable for me.

Odd question. Depends a lot on the person.
Back in my day, I did this with a girl (via
phone - asking her out), and it did little
harm. But, 'twas awkward as hell.

Maybe a "hey I see you in school, and you
look interesting, wanna chat?" might work.
Depends on what you're risking. For me,
there was really not much to lose - I had
pretty bad rep anyhow.

I don't think there's anything wrong with friending these people on MySpace.

I would just send a friend request without text. Then, if they add you, say hi!

I have to admit, I'm a bit disappointed that I got positive responses. Now I might actually have to follow through with it!

LOL

Why not? In fact, many successful relationships now begin this way.

Right now (not in a date-way, of course) we're all doing this RIGHT NOW. So, what's the difference? Plus, if you're shy or Aspie-awkward, this approach would probably be ideal. There is that perpetual caveat that you cannot know someone unless you meet them in RL, which is true, so just have healthy skepticism. But....you can meet a lot of fakey people in RL too! There's always a risk, no matter the method.

Then, there's always an escort service.....

I would have done the opposite. Most of my MySpace contacts are people from high school.

Tim

The bulk of my communication with most former co-workers was via the internet, even when I was actually working with them.

When its a sensitive issue, I sometimes send my bf's dad emails or facebook messages instead of calling him.

Yeah, I'd say you're pretty much stuck with following through on it!

I can't comment really because I don't have local folks I know on the internet.
I think much of the advice here sounds good... like calandale's suggested wording.

Did you ever go out to a coffee shop like your other topic covered elsewhere?

I try to get out once or twice a week, but I don't have a job, so I can't spend too much money on coffee.

I still haven't gotten around to this, because I still think it's too creepy. I'm talking about people I haven't really talked to before, and whom I have acted somewhat strangely in the presence of.

I wouldn't necessarily think it's creepy. However, I can almost guarantee some people will. Prepare yourself for some no-responses and try not to take it as a rejection.

If you're talking about college, keep in mind that this is the time when people are most active in meeting new people, making friends, and generally being friendly and welcoming. In college, I participated in a dizzying number of new activities with complete strangers.

Anyway, I would definitely mention, if you do email somebody, that you're generally a shy person and just feel more comfortable talking over email, maybe at least until you get to know somebody.

Also, I would suggest modifying your approach depending on whether you're talking to a guy or girl. This can be really tricky. If it's a girl, try to sound as non-threatening as possible, and definitely don't ask her out over email. If it's a guy you just think would be cool to hang out with, then ask if he likes playing video games or going to concerts or whatever.

Either way, if somebody responds or if they don't, it would be a good idea to at least say hi to them next time you see them. You don't have to get into a full-blown conversation, but at least acknowledge them. Unfortunately, a weirded-out girl might go out of her way to avoid you. If that's the case, don't chase her.

On a side note, sending somebody a friend request on Myspace is completely innocuous. It's about on the same level as slightly inclining your head and saying 'sup as somebody walks by.

I can relate to that.
In a somewhat different vein, recently I started up an ongoing email exchange with a lady who became a member of skirtcafe . org, a website for guys who want 'fashion freedom'. Lots of kilts, sarongs and plain old skirts.
Anyway, she and I had some real good exchanges, but she hasn't emailed me back for a few weeks. I see that she posts on the website.
I've been wondering what I said in my emails that might have driven her off.

Back to feeling creepy...

I think it sounds natural to feel that way.
I would like to think it could help if you could identify with something you know about them...
a certain band/music style
something about a class or event at school
or
something you believe they know a bit about and can generate a reasonable question for them about the subject.
Say you know someone who has a minimum-wage job, maybe you could ask them how well minimum-wage meets their current needs...
"Hey, I see you are working at ________. I'm interested in getting a job in the summer (or whatever you choose to say) and I was wondering how well minimum-wage helps pay for your gas/uniform/fun stuff? Do you get by pretty well on less-than-fulltime hours?(assuming they work less than 40hrs a week)"

Just an example.

I don't find it creepy, but as someone said above, other people might. I seem to inadvertently creep people out sometimes, so always be prepared for negativity.

If they are people you know of in passing, in your day to day life, they might be at the least confused by getting a random message from you.

I've received friend requests on facebook from people from the high school I attended. I wasn't really friends with these people, so I had no idea why they bothered adding me. Must not have been for much, I didn't hear from any of them after I confirmed their friend requests.

If they are people that you have no prior experience with, or more specifically no offline experience with, then it is like meeting someone for the first time.

Well, if I don't get a response, I'll be left thinking about what went wrong for months. There's one guy I know how to contact online...I actually handed him a note in real life about six months ago and never got a response, and I'm still wondering what happened (Was he just not interested? Do I seem too creepy / loony / pathetic? Should the note have been less than three paragraphs? Did he know that I was sitting at the same table as that bunch of jerks during lunch?) It took me all my courage just to leave a freaking piece of paper on his desk that one time, and I don't want to risk something like that happening again (that, or a restraining order ).



Leaning my head and saying "'sup" is just as difficult, if not harder, because I don't have two hours to look at it on paper / a computer monitor.




I suppose last year I could have made an excuse that I needed to find someone in my class to help with an assignment...I blew that opportunity.

I am pretty paranoid. All my life I've heard people insulting other people behind their backs, and I'm afraid that I'm due (if it hasn't already been happening).