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weather1man
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22 Sep 2007, 11:57 pm

a lot of people at my job do things with each other on the weekends but don't invite me, has anyone else had this happen?


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skahthic
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23 Sep 2007, 1:55 am

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't invite me. but even when people at work invite me, i seldom go--- i don't have much to say to them outside of work, and i can't relate to their lives anyway. i don't care about their kids or their gall bladder operations or their whatever.
One of the women I work with DOES have a kid who has autism--- that's kinda interesting to me, but not enough to go hang out with her or any of them.
And no one wants to hear me talk about my car or my collection of boots anyway.



Coyote27
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23 Sep 2007, 1:57 am

I was never really interested in that and I assumed that my coworkers understood. I see enough of them at work, even if I think they're allright people I don't want them around in my me-time too.



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23 Sep 2007, 2:50 am

I know what it is like to feel left out of the fun. Work I never cared, but elsewhere it really sucks sometimes.



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23 Sep 2007, 1:10 pm

I have always been invited to work functions, but I have always opted not to go.

Tim


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23 Sep 2007, 1:48 pm

At the first job I had (over a year ago), one of the supervisors was inviting a bunch of people to a barbeque or something. He didn't invite me of course. Though I wouldn't have gone, it's a bit of a downer to have people invite other people to things right in front of you.



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23 Sep 2007, 6:36 pm

My employer doesn't allow us to do these kind of things. It creates a climate where management and professional staff (that would be me) could be accused of favoritism. People in lower level positions can do whatever they want outside of work.


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24 Sep 2007, 3:23 am

weather1man wrote:
a lot of people at my job do things with each other on the weekends but don't invite me, has anyone else had this happen?


Yes I have this happen to me all the time.
People at my course are always talking about going out on the weekend right infront of me and inviting lots of people from the class. I have never been invited but I don't mind as I would not go anyway.
I see enough of them at course so there is no reason for me to have to go out and socialise with them after course has finished.


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colonel1fan
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25 Sep 2007, 9:35 am

I felt that way all throughout the summer. I was staying with friends in an apartment while taking summer classes and it seemed like no one would call me or ask me if I ever wanted to do anything with them. Like, they would call another friend and have them ask/tell me what was going on. It's like they couldn't talk to me face to face or something. The only person who would talk to me is the guy who seemed to get the same thing i did. We both never got invited anywhere. Now, the couple of times they asked me, i didn't have money or i was going to be doing something else (they told me at the last minute what they were doing). But, the thing is, the majorty of them all know me. And they still never ask me to hang out with them. I hate it.


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johnners
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25 Sep 2007, 10:36 am

Yes, have found this, and it used to really get me riled, hyperventilationg and everything. I would hear people discussing plans for the weekend on the bus and I just felt evil. It's not so bad now, for some reason I'm not so bothered. But I still have to wonder - for example, everyone in our office seems to know everyone else's mobile phone numbers, and they text each other, but nobody wants mine.

Personally, I don't like being left out, I wish I could be like those people who can be happy on their own, but not seem lonely. I think this will all change, though, when I'm married and have a ready-made social life to walk into!



Deefor4
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25 Sep 2007, 2:34 pm

Yes all the time. I have a long history of being invited out to the cinema, for example, "with the girls". Once. I never, ever get asked again.

My daughter has a boyfriend whose mother is the polar opposite to me - she always has a house full of people, and she loves it. Last summer we used to get invited over there every time she had some friends round; this summer, although my daughter's realtionship with her son is still going strong, we haven't been invited once. I feel vaguely guilty that my main emotion is relief that I don't have to go and socialise any more.

When I was at university, the girls I was sharing the student house with decided they didn't like the way I was behaving. I didn't pick up on the subtle cues that might have led to me realising something was wrong, and carried on as I was until the evening they all got together in one of the rooms for a drink. I assumed I was invited too, and went along.

I remember sitting there being comprehensively ignored, to the extent that drinks were being passed right by my face. In the end, I pretended to hear the doorbell so I had an excuse to leave, and I stood in the hallway, listening to them talking about me behind the door, trying to pick up some clues about what I'd done wrong. I've never felt so lonely in my life.

I enjoyed my time at university in some ways, but I don't have any friends from those years.



maritimeblaze17
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08 Oct 2007, 12:08 pm

Normally I tend to have a policy where I don't mix work and friendship. I think that it's a recipe for disaster because it crosses boundaries and creates a situation where questions of objectivity and fairness come into play. I am totally against dating in the office for that reason.

While I won't reject invitations to associate outside of work if the activity interests me, and I won't totally not have friends at work, I won't seek them out either. If a friendship develops at work on its own then so be it. But I'm not going to try to find it.

Work isn't the place to find friends.



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08 Oct 2007, 12:23 pm

I'm almost never invited to join coworkers in outside stuff. It used to hurt, but as I got older it mattered less. Now I'd rather be left alone than have to turn down invitations.


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