Forgotten phone calls

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I have a friend who often promises to phone me "later" or "tomorrow", but doesn't because he "forgot" or "didn't get around to it".

I've learned not to be upset by this now because apparently this is NORMAL NT behaviour!

While I have experienced this too many times over the course of my life, there is one person in particular who is the WORST about calling me back. For 15 years, I have found myself foolishly waiting around for multiple promises of a return call.

I can't tell which I hate most:
1) Her repeatedly not calling me back as promised,
2) My repeatedly being angry that I bothered to wait yet again.
3) The simple fact that I wait at all.

I can sympathise... although I made light of my friend in the above example (it is only a casual friendship) I was stuck in a relationship that totally revolved around his calls. It ruined the rest of my social life as I felt that I 'couldn't' go out if I was expecting his call. Inevitably it would come either so late that I could have done something else instead of sit by the phone all evening, or not at all.

Realising that this is typical NT behaviour, I'm inclined to suggest that your point 3 is the worst. It's not so bad now that we have mobiles though - at least you can keep the phone with you 'just in case' and are therefore not tied to the chair by the phone indefinitely.

I hate to break this to you, but this person probably doesn't want to be your friend anymore. He's probably giving you the clue. It sucks and I think that he should tell you straight up that he doesn't want to associate with you, but he won't. By not returning your calls and messages and canceling plans he's "giving you the clue". He doesn't want to be rude or "hurt your feelings", so he's hoping that you figure it out.

I've had it happen to me with friends. It sucks, but that is human nature. I'd let the situation go--and move on. What I would do is figure what I might have done to alienate myself from the friend and figure out what I'd do differently.

^ Agree with what the above poster said. He's trying to let you know that he doesn't want to be your friend without telling you outright.

No, it's not that he doesn't want the friendship anymore, he's quite happy to email and fine when I call him. I've noticed plenty of NTs 'promising' to call each other and then forgetting to. What they don't realise is that some of us really can't settle if we're expecting a call. What I've learned is to not stress over this particular individual because he will call sooner or later, just not at the time he originally anticipated. It's an NT quirk of his!

Conversely, I have trained my NT partner to call me everyday to let me know what train he's on so that I know when to expect him.

They're a strange species!

I do this sometimes... it's not a shun, I just avoid talking to people on the phone. :p

Same with me i have a free phone but don't use it very often as my mate of mine phones me more then i do.

I don't mind if someone forgets to call. I probably wouldn't answer, anyway! But yeah, it happens. Even my mom says she'll call me at such and such a time, and then never does... I think it's just normal. Most people just know to send me text messages, though! And my husband is trained to call when he says he will!

I think it's just that if they remember, great. If they don't it's no big deal.

This happens to be one of my biggest pet peeves. The only other one that makes me madder is when someone says something like " let's go out Friday night, and have dinner, or something" then you never hear from them, or if you do they've completely forgotten that they ever made plans with you. I agree that this seems to be common. It can mean that someone is trying to let you down easy, but usually it's just that the person forgets to call/keep plans. I guess it boggles my mind so much because I would not ever do such a thing to a person. If I say I'm gonna call/show up I always do. I take these things very literally. I think that a lot of people don't. It seems to me that it's a way of saying goodbye to people. People will usually say "I'll call you" when they're saying their goodbyes. Kind of like the way that people greet you by saying how are you. They don't really want to know how you are, it's just a way of saying hi.

I think my original point really was to learn to see the funny side of this and not get unduly wound up by it and definitely do NOT sit by the phone waiting for it to ring - that will just make things worse. As for my friend the example, I spoke to him twice yesterday. All is well with the friendship, he's just NT - poor thing can't help it!

I hate to point this out, but a lot of Aspies have this very same behavior. One of my best friends from high school was notoriously bad about this. It was a joke between all of us that she never called anyone back and always said she would. I am 100% certain though that she loved me and valued my friendship. She was just flaky like that.

Don't judge whether he wants to be your friend by this alone. Take everything else about his behavior towards you into consideration. How does he treat you otherwise?

I am very bad at returning calls and will let my personal answerphone messages build up rather than deal with them. I have to deal with work calls everyday and that takes enough effort.

I disagree. I do this to people all the time, and I don't know why. Sometimes I just can't get that motivation to follow through with whatever the conversation leads to (lets go to the mall, etc.) even if it's something that I'd probably enjoy. I don't think you can just assume that this person doesn't wanna be your friend.