empathy

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I have a major issue understand what other people are feeling. A few months ago i lied to my best friend about what I was doing (since then we've worked it out and we've learned our lessons)... but my problem is that he would constantly ask me if i knew how he felt when i lied to him. I just blank at these things, i have no idea. I feel like I have no emotions whatsoever. my mind turns into a blank wall. Its like staring at a russian novel in a french class. I feel bad because i don't know, and sometimes i wonder if i even care or not. I know i do care, but i feel like feelings and ideas can enter my head but then some of them hit a brick wall.

does anyone have this problem or have any suggestions?
~kate

I feel like that with topics and incidents in general.

For example, I cannot empathise at all with 9/11, and stuff like that really.

I think I have selective empathy (if there's such a thing), which basically means I genuinely care what I desire to care for. If I say I don't care for something, I will stand up and I say "I don't care".

You see?

I can understand when someone is/would be hurt by something, but I don't feel the actual emotion. It's up to the individual to decide whether that's true empathy or not.

i agree entirely with what you said with selective empathy. i'm the same way. i can only feel emotions that i care about or relate to.....

did anyone have a problem with being afraid of people crying?
i remember as a child (and even now) i am afraid of watching people cry. it makes me extremely anxious.

i think i know exactly how you feel...i thought i understood what it was to have empathy...apparently, not. i am finding that i just don't really get how someone else is really feeling, not unless they spell it out specifically and basically draw me a picture...and that usually just pisses them off that they have to do that. and they expect that i should be able to understand...even when i say i don't. and then i just feel stupid.

I lack empathy too. But that's because I don't want to think in someone else's way. I'm me, not them.

I've been told I am cold. I didn't know what the person meant, probably lack of empathy. I didn't empathize for 9/11 either. I was just glad I didn't have to do any more school work that day and instead got to watch the news at school.

I have no empathy and I'm satisfied with that. I think empathy is a useless emotion. I've been called cold too. It's impossible for me to express excitement or disappointment for other people. My husband came home from class last night and announced he had aced his exam. I recently told him about AS, so he is trying to be supportive, but still was annoyed at my lack of 'shared excitement'. I told him that I had high expectations for his studies and that he is meeting them, that's the best I can do

And yeah, 9/11......

It's quite tricky for me to give empathy to others. However, I managed to give some empathy to my mom when she felt let down.

I have troubles with empathizing as well,
I have never been guilted either,
it almost makes me feel inhuman, but then I look at my hands.... 10 fingers.. opposable thumbs.. no hair on my knuckles, so I realize that I look human.. but on the inside... tried and true Aspie.

You don't need to actually feel empathy as long as you show it. Feign empathy; act. And if you're going to lie don't get caught .