I can be so mean sometimes!

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So there is this (Very Aspieish) older lady who has been enlisted to help out with SHFL...and the thing is....although she is very nice and helpful, she can also really get under my skin...She helps out with the bar, which is something I have generally done by myself for years. She disrupts my routines and more or less drives me bonkers by taking over my space and doing things that i am not used to having other people do....and she talks alot and it can be very disorienting to me...even though she is just trying to help.

Anywhoo..last night she cleared the tip jars and put the money in her pocket and I sorta lost my temper with her because I am not used to someone else handling the money like that. I was pretty drunk as it was New Years Eve...and I think I was sorta verbally abusive towards her....
Anywhoo...I feel really bad today about it....it was a combination of the alcohol...and my lack of social skills....sometimes all of my manners can just break down....and i can be defensive and downright mean....and now I am beating my self up over it...

Don’t beat yourself up over this. It is a sign you need to gain some composure and prepare a little speech for her about your work, your routines that make you more efficient at your job, etc. Apologize for losing your temper, definitely. Start with “Listen, I am sorry I flew off the handle the other night, but…”

She needs to know what is expected of her at work and cannot come in and barrel over people. She should be asking for direction when she is new, and take initiation later as she gets to know her work duties. It is not mean to give her direction, just be kind and gentle and respectful.

I have difficulty communicating with her because she is very...how-you-say...dense and strong willed...kinda in her own little world....Very hyperactive...not very cognicent of her effect on others....(just as I was not very congnicent of how hurtful I was being when I sorta lost it on her)

I have particular difficutles with delegating any kind of authority in general. I will apologise to her today...and re-explain further in depth the issues I have with my space and her boundaries as a vollunteer

We have a very neuro-diverse buncha people who help out with SHFL...and we can all sorta get in each-other's way at times.

I would be more polite and respectful if I didn't get so agitated....when I get agitated, politeness and respect fly out the window. I lose control of my tact...I need to work on explaining stuff before I get agitated....only then I might not be thinking about it.

I will be replaying this interraction over and over in my head for a while...so I will likely be thinking about it the next time I see her and will try not to forget to apollyogise and explain.....

She was back again tonight...I found it pretty much impossible to talk to her. There seems to be something about her "vibe" that weirds me out. She has mood swings that seem to coincide with her drinking..where she will go from being practial and helpful..to bizarre and troublesome.
I have a bad habit of blocking people out to the point where I just can't talk to them if they upset me. So I am sorta doing this to her....I don't want to..I am just too weirded out at the moment...she really stresses me out
Another example of this is my troublesome creepy neighbor who I can't stand...I cannot suffer myself to speak to him...which of course causes him to go out of his way to converse with me..I have talked about him before)...and were I to try to be polite and converse with him..he would only start talking to me STILL YET EVEN MORE......so I don't give him any leverage to work with....it is well worth it to not have to speak to him.

I know I need to be a grownup and let this stuff roll off my back....we need the help..she's a good cleaner.....

ah...whatever.....

Currently she lurks around STARING at me...and i have to avoid her in order to mantain my composure.

I am doing better.....flakey talked to her about my issues....We are getting along better now.