Are we stuck in some sort of perpetual adolescence?

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Sometimes, I wonder. I'm not saying this is an Aspie trait that is negative and our fault - but maybe it's just part of how we are?

I notice that, although I'm an adult, a lot of people would consider my interests and social skills to be stuck in my early teens. I'm awkward and shy and I blush when people focus attention on me....especially positive attention. I'm unable to take a compliment or be flirted with. Parties and concerts are something to be put up with rather than enjoyed. People who are the same age as me or older are reluctant to swear or talk about sex around me - even though I'm totally comfortable with both subjects, as long as people are talking about them and not just being gratuitious.

Interest wise, I'm genuinely fascinated with learning about science and a whole host of other topics that adults are not supposed to consider fun. I have that kind of fascination reserved for a 3 year old that has just discovered dinosaurs, or a precocious 12 year old getting their first book on the solar system. I still love playing board games and video games. I prefer a Friday night at home by myself or with one other person than to being out around town - every single time. I seem to "need" a certain amount of time alone, and I highly value complete silence - if either are lacking I can get pretty agitated.

The part that really ags me is that I LIKE all the things that adults are "supposed" to find fun and rewarding, I just can take them or leave them and don't consider them a big part of who I am. I like my job, I like to do well and advance at work, but I don't live for it. I can drink, and I like to drink, but if someone told me I never could again? Not that big of a deal. I like going out and hanging around with friends, but again, I can take it or leave it. Relationships/dating/sex? Yes, we all like them, but Aspies seem to be less willing to go out and find someone just for the sake of having them around. My self-esteem doesn't fluctuate wildly depending on whether another person is in my life. None of the adult urges everyone else seems to live for (money, socializing, sex, love) really speak to me as what I'm ABOUT as a person - they are just nice complements?

So, a couple of questions:

Do you think this is detrimental and we're deliberately preventing ourselves from maturing emotionally? Sometimes I think that in certain ways, I'm emotionally stunted and this is why I have a tough time relating socially.

Do you think there is anything intrinsically "wrong" with living the kind of life an Aspie prefers to lead? Or do you think we are just wired differently, and have different needs?

Do you relate to what I've said in any way?

Yes...I can definitely relate. I am 32...act like a teenager...I constantly come into contact with people who are younger and yet older than me...while I stay the same. People who are years younger than me have such complicated lives....while I stay in this childlike bubble.

On one hand, I like "not growing up" on the other hand it can sometimes be sorta frustrating because there seems to be so much that is outside my realm or seems irrelivant to me.

I guess it is really a blessing....but it makes socializing all the more exhausting. I relate better to children and other childlike people...i just seldom come across them

it took me much longer to get through adolescence than a "typical" nt, i think. i really didn't sort much out until i was almost 30....

there is life after adolescence, by the way.

I think it's the opposite, I think "adults" are stuck in adolescence, they play ridiculous immature power and social status games an aspie would not.

Sometimes the whole social game seems immature, but actually it seems to be the real adult world. It's what you learn as a teenager...it's something that adults do, not children.

I agree with you, Kitschinator - I think Aspies have a childlike enthusiasm for their special interests (I do!) and are less concerned with the social aspect of life. But children often like to play together, so we're not entirely stuck in some kind of adolescence - we're just different, I think.

I especially like what you said about "adult urges" like money, socializing, sex, and love being extras but not the main things in your life, because I feel the same way. When I define myself, I think of my interests and my temperament first...Hmm, it's interesting to think about.

I can't speak for anyone else on this forum, but I think that applies to me. I still like a lot of the things I used to when I was a kid (ie, movies and cartoons), and I guess I still think, and act, like an adolescent in certain ways. I like cartoons (well, most animation in general, it kind of fascinates me as a whole), and I like cute, childish things like Hello Kitty and such, so I guess you could say in a lot of ways, I'm still a kid.

Well I kinda see it as being more frustrated with the fact that social interaction is difficult.I for one want to be more social,have a GF/dating but because of my AS & the complete lack of social opportunities around here I feel as though I'll never be able to meet these goals & it just frustrates the mess out of me sometimes.

I can relate to you on this. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, where I have very few opportunities to meet new people. Most people that are around my age have abandoned ship for parts more interesting. There are literally no groups, events, clubs, or gathering places within an hour of me besides libraries and divey sports bars.

So I wonder how much of my social difficulties are merely a product of my environment rather than my behavior.

It's true, I don't try as hard as I could - I could move, I could spend my weekends driving into the city, but neither are viable options right now.

You bring up a valid point.I think you & I are both limited socially by the lack of social venues in our respective neighborhoods,at least you've got a much better means of transport to get you into the area that are social hang outs though.

i know what you mean and i hope not

I love these analytical topics.

Adoescence is, at least traditionally, usually a time of issues including identity formation, independence from parental control experimenting with abstract thinking, questioning authority, and the yearning for a peer group/ realationship (! !) of some permenance. I have a hunch I know what Kitchinator is writing.

These issues are certainly important and if these are goals are frustrated for what ever reason then there could be some sort of crisis. For those living on the Autism Spectrum there may be problems with the peer/relationship thing and perhaps with parental control. It could be absolute torture for those not yet meeting these milestones or for those who have not resolved these issues. I know for myself I have never had a peer group. Relationships (with men) were stilted and one-sided at best. I achieved independence from parental control by leaving home at the age of 17. I am now 53 years of age. I am used to my solitary life but I am lucky that I have children who love me.

I am not advocating anyone follow my example. What has eventually worked out for me did not necessarily follow from sound choices made years ago. My IRM has mentioned this to me many times!!

Like a lot of topics, this one could be interpreted differently as there are many different ways of understanding what adolesence means. I know I detested my teen years and enjoy my adulthood more because of greater independence. I also believe I have come to terms with that which could not be changed and moved on.

In closing, I do not know if these suggestions are helpful to any or all but I believe they have been reasonably articulated.

I think part of the trouble is the logic behind growing up. So after your teens and early 20's you're supposed to give up having fun with what you enjoy and conform to being an adult in society. Why exactly? I see all these people who have grown up and are doing what they're supposed to be doing, not many of them seem happier than me. They have their families and careers and whatnot, but I can't remember the last time I sat down and talk with them about something they are really excited about. They're usually just obsessed with reaching whatever the next milestone in their life should be...promotion, bigger house, next child, grandchildren, new car, etc etc. Does a switch just flip with normal people where they suddenly get personal enjoyment from all of that rather than from learning and experiencing new things?

Anyways I guess I just can't see the point of it all. Maybe society as a whole benefits if everyone plays their part in the game and that's what I'm missing, but from a personal happiness standpoint I don't see how "growing up" makes any real sense at all.

Of course you have to hold down a job and pay the bills either way.

I never thought about it that way. I like your view on this. I am a very goal-oriented person who has a tough time relaxing and going with the flow. I keep thinking that if I work hard now, I'll have the money and time to relax later, but I know how often that doesn't happen. I think this is because I'm used to having to nearly FORCE good things to happen for me - I am a person who gets into a rut really easily. If I didn't kick myself in the butt, I'd just sit at home all day staring off into space and being depressed. It took me a long time to realize that while accomplishment seems to happen effortlessly for everyone else, for me it's going to take a lot of hard work. (And I doubt it's as easy for everyone else as it seems). Recently I have started trying to stop worrying about what people think of me or how I live my life. I find myself going more places by myself and trying more new things just because I want to.

I never want to "grow up" in the sense you described. I said in another thread that I was only interested in making enough money to support myself (and any family I might have), and beyond that, my life is for my enjoyment and will not be wasted caving into societal pressures to own a big house or have a prestigious career. Life to me is about learning, experiencing, and understanding.

I know my posts are cheesy, but I am and always have been opinionated and very forward with my feelings.