How do I know if someone wants to be friends?

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I met someone this past weekend from Wrong Planet but I won't mention who it is. We met for cofee and seemed to get along well. We talked for about two hours and then he said he had to go meet someone. He said he would be busy during the holidays but that maybe we could get together after the New Years. He said it was nice to meet some people as he doesn't know many people in the city we live in. He said "So should I just send you a private message" and I said sure. I went ahead and sent him a private message saying that I enjoyed meeting him and would like to get together after New Year's. I wasn't responding to a singles's profile or anything like that; in his posts he seemed to indicate that he was looking for friends. I just find it so frustrating to meet people and enjoy talking to them and a lot of the times it ends up that I want to get together with them and the other person doesn't. So I guess if I don't hear from him I can assume he doesn't want to hang out. It's just so frustrating to misread people and think they want to be friends when they don't. It's particularly frustrating to misread another aspie. Anyone else have trouble figuring out if someone else wants to be friends?

Perhaps he's just busy due to the holiday season. I've met people from WrongPlanet but haven't been able to meet with them lately due to being busy with final exams.

Mmm, that's a wee bit odd. Maybe he is trying to reply to you but can't, maybe... There are thousands of reasons that he isn't replying.

There are lots of other people on WrongPlanet that you could talk to - like me. I don't reply immediately, but generally I do not forget about replying back.

Sounds like he doesn't want to hang out anymore (and is handling it like "normal" people. I hate crap like that. Why can't people just say the truth?

I deem he is shy or busy one of those perhaps. But don't give up he might come round. Its not to good to asume so early that he diddent like you. asuming is one way our brains invent things to bum us out.

Hm, wanting to be friends vs able to be a good friend.

I vote wait until after the holidays.

well, if he's one of us, then maybe he is just retreating into his shell for a while. I do that sometimes and don't see/speak to people for ages.

"Busy types." Hmmm.

I don't like busy types. It's like they would rather text message you than talk to you in person. And I"M the one with a social disorder?

My oldest friend whom I havnt seen in years stopped in town to see his parents for the holidays.

He showed me pictures on his I pod camera thing, a video on his laptop and checked his phone three times. When he left he had to use an electric remote control to open his car door.

After I looked at his pictures and watched his video I invited him downstairs to my sculpture and make up studio. I showed him a half dozen projects i was working on.

Then he said " Well its nice to see you're keeping busy." In a condesending way.
And he said he had to meet some friends for dinner. ( I remember him from preschool what the hell am I?)

I think people are too damn busy. Sometimes I fantasize about sitting around a stove with a bunch of old russian women peeling potatoes as they teach me the words to a song I dont understand, laughing for hours. Hey I'm a Back Door backpacker, it could happen.

this is one of the instances when it's best to apply the famous saying:

"If you love [want] something, set it free
If it comes back to you, it's yours
If it doesn't, it never was"

Maybe they're not interested right now, maybe they have other things on their mind right now, but if the seed of good communication is there for them, there's a good chance that you may hear from them in future.

This is a good time to continue making similar efforts with other people, and after a few months you'll see if anything gave fruit.

I did this once, the big quantity fishing, and remained with 1 excellent friendship that lasted over 10 years. It was well worth the big quantity fishing I did that month.

I'm of the idea that if a person is interested, you'll feel it. They'll reciprocate. Unless they're pathologically shy in spite of all your reassurance during the meeting, in which case they're a bit too hard to be friends with.

It's customary that the first person to express a time issue is the one who should call next. That is, if they said they'd be busy the following week, they're the one who has to contact you next, to show they're available again.

I would say that you make an initial effort with someone, then wait to see if they reciprocate. That's the way it ought to work.

Unfortunately I have a friend, who has been a friend for years, but I find myself doing most of the calling to arrange things. It feels kind of uncomfortable. I have discussed this with him and he said if I gave him more time, he would initiate more things. It's true that I'll normally get in first, as I wouldn't like to test the friendship by leaving it for weeks, just to see how long it would take. Then if I ever do dig my heels in and "ignore" him, he realises I'm doing it to provoke a response, so he doesn't give me one... How strange is that? What am I supposed to do?

What really gets on my nerves though is sometimes when I ask him to do something, and he declines, then he makes no effort to follow up and ask me in return.

But generally I'd say you will know if someone is interested if they make some kind of effort with you to contact you and initiate some things. In an ideal world friendship should be 50/50 give and take, but it's probably rarely that way.

Lack of response could either mean they're busy with other things, work, other friends etc., or they're trying to give you the brush off. Unfortunately it's hard to know people's intentions.

I have a friend who can see me once a year, it's enough for her. I'd like to see her twice a month. So even if we tried to compromise, say every 4 months, this is too little relating for me. So I just see her when she wants, once a year, and try to make other friends. You can't bring a person to want as much relating as you do. If they don't, they don't.

I agree Greentea, that you can't force a friendship, and you have to consider the wishes of the other person. But then, it also depends on the nature of the friendship. It's difficult. Yes, it's better to meet on their terms very rarely, than not meet them at all. At times I do think I should just let my friend call the shots, and probably see him a few times a year, but on the other hand (been there, done that), but currently he seems content enough seeing me every 3 or 4 weeks, if I ask. I would happily see him every week if that's what he wanted.

It also depends on circumstances. If this friend lived in another city or country, I would have to settle for seeing him a small number of times a year. But he lives and works a matter of minutes car ride from me. Not that I guess it makes any difference to how he feels about the friendship.

It is tempting to step back and see if the friendship lasts, but I really don't want to take that chance. Finding friends is hard enough, without finding proactive ones