social interaction in the workplace

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I have been at my job for three months and I believe that I am getting along with my coworkers (and my superiors.) BTW, I should say that we share workspace with a company sub-contracted to the NY State Office of Children and Family Services, and thus we are under contract with that agency.

Back to topic here, I have already met a female co-worker (in a sense, since we work for different companies.) I think she's a nice person, though we don't spend much time in the day while we're in the building. Also, I'm a bit leery - and at the same time aware - of sexual harassment in the workplace and the damaging effects thereof on one's reputation. How can I get around this and still ask her out, as an example, to coffee after work?

NYA,

I'd be very -and I mean very, very careful about getting close in any way with a colleague of the other sex. I know you and her work for different employers but you share the same work space. In my book, you, her, and everyone else working in that workplace are colleagues.

Attitudes also vary between different employers but from my experiences, the majority of employers I've known are intolerant of office romances or anything all the other colleagues could perceive as such. Here we have two different employers on the scene and that complicates matters even more.

Also, when co-workers get into dating or anything that looks like it, all of the other colleagues are quick to notice it and have an uncanny way of getting to know more about what goes on between you than you two know yourselves. Furthermore, it's amazing how all the gossip is cleverly kept between the colleagues and you never know what's really being said.

Don't even broach that subject in an attempt to frankly discuss things with your superior(s). That alone could negate all your chances for advancement if not become cause for dismissal. I know from experience you don't always get straight answers when asking your supervisor any Q's.

On a personal level I did have an office romance many years ago -she worked for the same company but in another department in a separate building. Our employer never acted on it in any way but we were targets of a lot of very nasty office gossip, and I never knew about it until months after we stopped seeing each other.

I also noticed you specifically named an organization in your post. Not recommended.

I don't know what's really happening between you and her but all I can say is be careful and don't earn yourself a bad rep or get fired.

Good Luck!

To give another perspective, I dated my boss (or worked for my boyfriend, whichever way you want to think about it) for five years without any serious problems. He's now my ex, and I still work for him - we know how to separate business and personal matters. Of course, it's a very small company with an informal atmosphere; I'm sure things change in a larger corporate setting. But saying all office romance is a bad idea, is false and an oversimplification.

I have a newsletter email from www.totaljobs.com in my Outlook inbox, which suggests that a lot of the coupling and affinity formations occur in the workplace.

Of course it can have extremely negative repercussions, though it can also aid the formation of loyalties and help to cement the social hierarchy. If there is a seniority difference between the two protagonists, then it can prove beneficial to the more junior employee's career prospects, though this could be at the cost of alienating peer-group colleagues. It all depends on how it is played. The other downside though is that a break in the relationship can adversely affect one employee's career prospects.

I have often thought that people should really only 'pick up' outside the work context, as it involves less complication.

I am a great believer in keeping private life out of professional life, otherwise the Beaky Inquisitors might start prying and poking and delving into matters that are none of their concern.

Pyraxis,

I've had another employment experience that more or less echoes the one you mention here. In my case, I was being hired to replace one other employee who was vacating her position. We were a very small desktop publishing firm -just myself and the owner (a young woman) were full time and one other was just part-time.

Well it did start off as a strictly professional relationship but after about 3 months of her and I working closely together and getting to know each other very well, the barrier came down and we became an item. Like you and your beau, we kept business and personal separate.

Smaller, more intimate workplaces don't usually have the rigid rules and infrastructure (and attached stigma) that can come with those affinity and coupling formation.

Again, every employer is different and sometimes it's just a matter of feeling things out and knowing what's acceptable and what isn't in the company's unwritten constitution.