Alternating between wanting friends and not wanting friends?

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This happens to me a lot. One moment, I would like a friend or two, the next, I would prefer to not have any.

It doesn't even have to do with depression or anything like that, it's just not wanting any, like I want to be alone, and I'm fine with that. It's not something I can expect an NT to understand. "How can you not want any friends?" or "what do you mean you don't want a social life?" are the two most common responses I get.

Anyone else feel this way at times? How long do the solitary spells last?

I relate to what you're saying, but the thing is, I have friends and so now I can't say, "I don't want friends anymore," because I care about them and wouldn't abandon them. I need to be alone sometimes, and not to worry about others for a while, but I always come back around to my friends in the end.

That being said, I don't feel the need to make new friends very often. Only if I'm in a new place and I'm very lonely for a week or two... And I do know what you're saying about swinging back and forth between wanting friends and then realizing you like to be alone anyway, so who needs them?

I have solitary spells that last up to a week, maybe. On the other hand, I can only have really "social" spells (where I go out and see people most of the day) for one or two days at a time. I spend the vast majority of my time alone, and I prefer it that way.

I totally relate to what you are saying. I did go through a brief period of a few years of constant socializing. But I realized after several of those people were mean to me that I really didn't need them and didn't care whether or not I had friends. I prefer acquaintances. But those that demand time from me on a weekly basis tend to turn me off to the point I don't even think I could tolerate a serious relationship again. My therapists think its a shame I don't have more friends, but I really don't care for the most part about being around others. I am even content spending the holidays at home too cooking the foods that I like with only the tv, computer and the cat for company. Its much nicer than being emotionally abused every direction I turn.

A very NT thing to think. The so called empathy they say they have fails them sometimes, and what they really do is project everything on everybody.

I like them, but I don't need them.

For me it is increasingly becoming a question of how long the social spells last. Generally at this point complete isolative contentment usually only endures for a week or two, with interglacial periods of mixed desire/avoidance. I actually find that depression is almost completely coincident with times when I want to socialize, while moments of complete detachment tend to be characterized by a gentle serenity. One of the problems with wanting friends is I know in a week or so I will want nothing to do with them, and my impression of people is that they get pretty offended if you ignore them completely except for sporadic episodes.

I agree with most of this. I enjoy having friends my own age to rant about schoolwork or parents or that type of stuff with. But in general, I don't feel I need friends. I like having someone to share my day with - if I'm at school, i share it with my roommate or other friends. But at home, Im fine with just talking to my mom. I lke small children and adults, but I find myself quickly bored when hanging out with friends on a non one-on-one basis. It's fun to chat or watch a show or go to dinner, but then I'm just done. I just don't find it that stimulating, and can't relate to much of the conversation. For me, I feel much more fulfilled when doing other things. I get depressed when I feel like I should have friends, but I don't really pursue more because I know I won't follow it up. I love having acquaintances - someone to chat with in class or work, or online, but I never do well with maintaining really close friends unless we're one-on-one. When I don't care about maintaining friendships, I am much happier. I keep trying to explain that I just don't NEED it. I'd work really hard to be more socially comfortable if I truly desired lots of friends and a party life - but since I have no desire, why is it worth it?

Who are you kidding, tough guy?

One of these days you'll wake up..