Being judged because of one meltdown - help?

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I have no idea what to do with this situation. I know what I have done is to just ignore it hope it goes away but that hasn't helped much.

I had a major meltdown that included screaming at someone others view as a friend. People got to yelling at me that I was abusive, which only really hurt me because I have been abused, nothing I had done was abusive, and they kept saying how they knew more than me about things they actually knew drastically less than me about.

I wasn't using the world meltdown at the time, because this was before my diagnosis, but there was some level of "Why are you calling her abusive for something that occured once in a panic attack while you have panic attacks yourself".

At the current moment, this person still treats me like I'm subhuman because I once had issues around her, while she's done drastically worse than I have and uses her mental differences to justify them all.

It would be simple, I just ignore her, but her boyfriend is one of the few people I get along with well in the group, and he isn't around without her at all - she controls him a lot, and he's willingly going along with it, but it means that I am now not being able to spend any time with one of the few people I find it worth spending time with.

What do I do to resolve this situation? It's affecting my ability to interact with the social group as a whole, and they're the only people I really have found that I can spend time with and enjoy it - and I do want to spend time with people.

Do I confront her and tell her that it was a meltdown and that she doesn't have to like me but she better stop treating me like I'm subhuman?
Do I just ignore it?
Do I tell others and let it go through them?

I don't know I'm lost and I'm scared of losing the only social group in the area I have found reason to be around - my high school friends were great, but they've moved onto jobs and don't have time for me anymore, as they are far away (for someone who doesn't drive), and have to travel long distances for work. I'm incredibly lonely, but I am not comfortable going to a situation where specific individuals have too much power, and one of those its only because of being incredibly judgemental towards me without knowing about my AS.

Help? Please?

This sounds really tough.

Did you ever consider this person to be someone that you could trust before? Had they been kind to you before and then something changed; either before or after these negative interactions?

I've found that people who know me well are very accepting and forgiving when I lose it (justified or not). Because of our foundation as friends, they just "get" me.

Other folks who I did not trust to begin with... well there's not a lot to be done there.

Other than that, I'm not sure what else to say. Best of luck.

I hope you don't mind me replying to your topic here.

Is this persons bf a decent person or just fun to talk to? If he has any scruples then is there a chance despite her being so vindictive that she does as well? Maybe you can appeal to the very few traits that make her a tolerable person.


If she doesn't know you have AS--don't use that term if you talk with her and if her bf has some character and just no backbone when dealing with her--is there a chance you could maybe talk to him? (Without being weird.. if there's something "more" there going on)

Even the best of us make mistakes, if you've apologized already then you shouldn't feel obligated to apologize again. If you haven't apologized then maybe just apologize even if she treated you horribly before, even if others can't ever own up to their mistakes, we can own up to ours.

I personally wouldn't like dealing with a hypocrit, but.. at the same time, in relationships of any kind (or even friendships) sometimes small sacrifices can be made. Can patch things up with her.. then ignore her mostly and hang with the people you actually do get along with.

Not someone I could trust deeply, but someone who I could trust at a low level, and someone who would do things like invite me along with a group. This meltdown occurred at her family's cabin where a group of 10 of us had gone for a weekend. Since then she's actively avoided inviting me anywhere and then talked about how she was upset that "nobody was going" in front of me.

It's complicated because her boyfriend does understand and is someone I trust. He didn't realize that AS was involved, as at that point I wasn't identifying as having it, but he realizes that I had lost control of myself, and that her accusing me of being abusive hurt very deeply as I'd been abused myself and had denied it for over a year.

The problem is that her mental stability is dependent on her boyfriend (she is bipolar and has panic attacks). Which means that she ends up determining when he's around the area. She was an entirely reasonable person who I would chose to be around until she suddenly decided that I wasn't worth taking seriously because I screamed at someone who she thought of as one of her closest friends because I hit a rage meltdown because I knew he was likely to accidentally hurt my closest friend (at the time at least) and could not cope with the mental overload that was occurring.

This might be considered completely weird but I would try talking to the boyfriend. well, tell a lie I wouldn't actually do anything because I would be too scared to but I think it would be the best thing to do. Explain the situation just as you told us, though maybe leave out the bit about her being controlling to him, though you could put it across as something like "I don't get to talk to you because she is always there, and you are one of the few people I really enjoy talking to"

That's just what I would do, hopefully it works out

I once threw a tantrum which really hurt another person whom I considered a friend (granted, it was online, but similar principles do apply). He was pretty darn angry at me, and he was about to smack the door on me. Anyway, I managed to get him into a conversation and managed to convince him otherwise. There were two aspects to my strategy:

-Apologise. Profusely. It doesn't matter that you're not exactly guilty. People like apologies.
-He had been through some hard times, and I had been there for him. I did not simply remind him of it, but I told him my emotions at the time and apparently I proved that I cared for him.

I didn't know anything about AS at the time, so that makes it different. But if you don't plan on playing that card, I would definitely go for the emotional approach.