Why don't you like eye contact?

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This is an interesting thought for me, since I see it everywhere to do with spectrum 'disorders'. Always the eye contact.

But no one ever really gets into the Why's. I have no problem making eye contact if I happen to be wearing sunglasses. So I guess for me I'm uncomfortable making eye contact because I feel like people staring into my eyes know what I'm thinking, and that somehow if I maintain eye contact all of my thoughts will be laid bare, or they will realize I'm not like they are and something is amiss.



What about you?

I'm too shy to do it. It makes me uncomfortable. I never even tried to look at someone in the eye and keep my eyes there. I don't see the point in doing it. I have ears. I do look at people I'm comfortable with and when I feel comfortable doing it but I'm not looking at them in the eye.

i don't think of it on any other logic like that; your ears deal.
but when i'm looking people in the eyes, particularly people i don't know, i just get this extreme feeling of uncomfortability, it sucks.
so i end up staring at something else which kinda makes me look bad on my part.

I lack eye contact, which is apparently requisite for proper neurotypical social interaction. I will try harder to improve this....I think my lack of eye contact can be misinterpreted. I am sorry. I am very shy too.

Since you asked....I know there are a myriad of neuro/psych reasons for this phenemona common to most Auties (ie: lack of foreground/background). But for me, looking into another's eyes is like looking into a solar eclipse. It just...hurts. Sometimes, maybe, it's like looking into moving water since eyes move. This can feel disconcerting, either way. But I really do not know why. I am not sure....

Do you have any tricks as to how to do this better, so I do not feel so awkward? I read something about using 'soft focus,' like a pilot, for instance. I understand this technique can work.

My main problem with eye contact is that I can't concentrate on what I'm trying to say and look at a face at the same time. It's just too much for my brain to handle.

Belle, I would have to agree with you. Trying to stare them in the eye and process what they are saying & what I am thinking/ going to say is almost impossible for me.

I suppose I can identify with what you all are describing. I'm not especially shy, it just hurts.

I don't feel uncomfortable with eye contact at all. Well, not that much, anyway. I used to love staring into a beautiful pair of eyes. But I'm sort of an artist, and eyes have always been one of my favorite subjects.
So it's not that I don't like looking at them. It's just that they don't draw my attention like they're apparently supposed to. When I'm talking to someone, I don't feel a need to look at their eyes (unless maybe if I feel a particular affection toward them), and I feel awkward staring in the same place for so long. It's just a position I can't really hold. My eyes want to go down to their hands, or the table, or whatever else is around. I do my best to keep looking up at their face occasionally so as not to insult them. Some people take it badly if you don't look right at them the whole time. My friends have come to understand this and don't worry about it, but to others I come off as disinterested or aloof. I suppose that's partly true, but it's never in distaste.
There's also the issue of only being able to focus clearly on one thing at a time. I can look at someone, or I can listen to what they're saying, but I can't always do both.

I don't like making eye contact, I don't know why, it makes me uncomfortable so I just avoid it as much as possible. I fake making eye contact though, you know, briefly look in someone's eyes and converse, let them do most of the talking, laugh if it's expected, you know the whole fake "passing" thing...I can only make eye contact with someone in a normal, steady way if they are someone I love and trust.

Yeah - I actually only found out this year I had bad eye contact, I always thought I had really good eye contact

It's not really bad; I look at people at enough "key" moments that I can convey that I'm listening etc. etc., at least most of the time.

I've been trying to improve my eye contact... I end up running into two problems. One is that I can't concentrate properly on both listening and maintaining eye contact at the same time - I'm not even really sure why it's so hard, it's just really distracting. The other is that it's almost painful - I feel like the other person's eyes are drilling into mine. It's dependant on who I'm talking to, though. Some people I don't have nearly as much difficulty with, and I'm perfectly fine with small children (up to at least 3-4 years old).

I just don't like it, I can't really say why. The best guess I can make is that something about it is just too overloading for me, because I can't even really think about the times where I have made eye-contact, and why it might have been uncomfortable. When I've forced myself to maintain it, focused making and keeping eye-contact, most of what I remember is forcing myself to do that, and not as much about the person or the conversation had. Not helpful for things like interviews, I either have to avoid eye-contact, or risk not remembering what had been said all that well.

I don't like eye contact because I have to focus on their eyes, my face, their face, etc. I can listen to someone and concentrate on their face and what they're saying, but if they're looking at me, it makes me self-conscious about my face, and that's when it's too much to keep track of.

Speaking of eye contact: It bothers me when people talk about "reading people's eyes", because it's not really the eyes people are reading, it's the stuff around the eyes: mainly the eyelids and the eyebrows. Even if you watch where someone's pupil is aiming , you aren't reading their eyes, your reading the movement of their eyes.

I think it's uncomfortable. My eyes start unfocusing and stuff. It's just not comfortable at all. I just look at people's mouths. No one's said anything about it so I guess it must be okay.

For me, eye contact is painful because it disrupts my thought processes. My brain literally stops working, which is not only uncomfortable, it's unnatural. I can't hear what the other person is saying half the time, and forget what I'm saying or doing.

I would love to be able to maintain eye contact without any discomfort, but I don't see any way to get around it.

Sometimes I'm a little uncomfortable to look at someone directly in the eye. Yet most of the time I can't maintain eye contact because my mind is too distracted by what it wants to communicate. They say that autistics have a mind that could only concentrate on a single thing at a time (I forget what it's called, but it's the basic gist of it). If I tried only to look at someone in the eye I would miss almost the entire conversation, so I just try my best and listen.