How do I help my aspie boyfriend?

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I am NT and have an aspie boyfriend. Everything is going fantastic but I have a question about how I can best help in the following situation.

- My boyfriend works really hard and is very successful at his job
- However, he sometimes goes out with friends (which I encourage him to do)
- but, then gets quite drunk....(cant handle alcohol that well and alcohol lets him enjoy those social situations better)

I dont have a problem with this thus far...

The problem I have is that I know when he goes out with his friends and has a good time with them he will then come back home and will be completely exhausted - wont want me around, wont want to speak, if I ask him about his work or say he should be doing something then he will shout at me to be quiet. I know, I know - all part of being an aspie....and I can deal with this and just let him sleep and make him cups of tea!

However, my issue is that how can I explain to him that if he goes out and has fun then he needs to plan that the next day he can relax and be on his own? He doesnt seem to understand that he is not like everyone else who can just get up and get on with life with a bit of a hangover. Whenever I mention this he thinks im trying to stop him going out or im critising him....well im not...Its just that I know that his work suffers after he goes out as he loses focus and I guess our relationship suffers as I have to be really patient and give him space for about 48 hours later.....

What do other aspies do about when they go out and then have a 'meltdown'? do you plan for them? do you know when they are going to happen?

It like that I can foresee what is going to happen and I try to prevent it but it causes resentment from my boyfriend........so I'm just not sure what to do...

Any help or comments greatly appreciated!! !

1. Sounds like he's drinking to be social because otherwise he finds it too difficult - consider trying to address that.

2. It's not just aspies, all men need a "cave" [Read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus] - Just with aspies it's a bit more predictable and critical.

3. Not sure what you mean about "how can I explain" - Just say - "On the day after a night out with your mates, you're not usually optimized for work, so... maybe go out on Friday nights" (if he doesn't work Saturday).

i'd just use sex as a weapon.

women have the garage so they get to make the rules.

you want in this garage baby? streighten up or else no sex for you

of course i was being sarcastic. being an alcoholic myself theres probably nothing you can do to change his mind about anything

goodluck though

I once read that there are physiologic and social alcoholics. Those who's bodies need it and those who do it for social reasons, However after enough alcohol the social ones become physiologic type and will remain with that as an addiction for the rest of their lives.

Get this guy off of overindulgence in alcohol if you love him. Once he gets away from it he can probably stay away from it. Try to find him something else which is a release from the tension of work besides the typical social scene. Sky diving, shooting sports, horseback riding, boating, skiing flying. Whatever works. His interest will probably become deep and intense. If he gets involved in a special interest, he will probably find that as the cement that makes the social relationship with others in the same interest area easier, It is better than alcoholic anesthesia. It may be expensive, but it will be cheaper and better in the long run. Works best if it is something that you can do with him and a lot of other couples do it.

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Just my opinion though, but it was the path I took and it worked well for me.

Come clean with him and be truthful, tell him what you feel is hurting you that he does and if he doesn't want to jeapordize it then to start to take a break from the boozing for a bit.

Are you really worried about how it is effecting his work or something else? Whatever you do try to really pin down what it is, or if you're looking for problems where there are none. Women are notorious for not being able to deal with how people are naturally, hence the divorce rate. If it's something serious then just tell him flat out, don't let it fester. If he really cares he will communicate,

Just remember what you say and what he hears are two different things, so choose your words carefully.

Have you considdered that him being exhausted might have nothing to do with him drinking?
Now I have never touched alcohol, and yet I always find myself exhausted mentally after a big social event. I can't have people talking to me while I am in this state, and if they do anyway I ignore them or snap at them (If they keep pushing) Now obviously I can't say if what he is having is the same as I have, or if it really is a problem with alcohol. If he is simply mentally exhausted then I would sugest leaving him alone, he will recharge his batteries quicker if you don't try to push him into being social.