Just friends?

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When I've asked for advice about dating and learned that my tendencies tend to get me put in the "just friends" category with women. Something is wrong with that advice.

They don't even want to be my friend. I can honestly say that I would be pleased if I could find some women who would be "just friends." So clearly they do not even want to be "just friends".

So my question is, either how does one even get to be "just friends" with a woman, or is what I am missing a figure of speech and in the dating realm "just friends" doesn't really mean she even wants to be a friend?

To be this 'just friends' category confuses me too. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who I wouldn't want to be friends with. A relationship is friends and more in my view.

I get on with some women quite well. In order to get 'just friends' friends I resigned myself to focusing solely on friendship and not trying to pursue relationship with them. I did this because I realised I didn't have any friends and I was too one track on focusing on relationships.

You really have to decide to put that aside for a period if you think that would interfere.

I think the problem you may have is if you never really were on a friends level in the first place, after they make clear they don't want to go out with you they may be more cynical about you wanting friendship. Whereas if you were at least friendly towards them in the first place they may think the friendship is worth something.

Also you have to learn to reciprocate friendship. People won't be friendly with you just because.

It is very possible, don't listen to those who say you can't be friends with women. It is a question of attitude.

Well... women are complicated, albeit cute, beasts. Here's my two cents on the matter man, but by no means do I have it "figured out".

Girl says: "Well... I just want to be friends" after you asked her out or started pushing for a relationship or whatever. This is the nicest way they can come up with to turn you down. They will usually be nice to and act friendly, but you will usually find no friend in her, and chances are being around her as friends will make your heart burn.

Now, if you got to know this girl and went straight for the friend category, cuz you didn't want a relationship with her but you think she's cool, your chances for a good friend have just skyrocketed. But the hairy thing with this situation is that those are the girls that end up wanting you (the ones you really don't want, but you are friends with).

My advice is stop thinking about girls as potential girlfriends, and start thinking about them as nothing more than attractive guys(lol, you know what I mean). Display the same security and confidence with girls as you do with guys, and your chances of getting girl friends or girlfriends will raise alot as well. I know this is extremely hard, and I still can't do it most of the time, but it can be done.

One thing I wish I would have done in high school: I wish I would have found the most popular most attractive girl in high school and asked her out. Keep in mind, I was a skinny, pale kid dressed in black slacks and a giant black hoodie with long black curly hair(not goth, i hate that stereotype). Not the most popular-kid friendly guy to hang around. I know I would have been rejected, but it would have sent a message to all those girls out there, that I have balls and\or confidence. Chicks dig confidence.

That's my two cents, take it for what it's worth.

Maybe I wasn't clear. This is the problem, even if I try to be solely a friend (and that's usually what I try) it doesn't work. Even if I'm not attracted to her she won't be a friend. When I honestly try to be friendly they don't reciprocate, and I've spent years practicing my social skills with no results. So I figure that it's either my lack of social cues, or maybe it's just impossible for a guy to really just be friends with a woman.

I'm not looking for a girlfriend, I'm just looking for a friend. When I heard about "just friends" I figured that maybe I could do things that were supposed to get me lumped in that category and then I'd have some lady friends that I could learn more about what women were like from but they don't want to be friends, I'm starting to think that saying is just a load of s**t.

Are you making friends with guys too?

They way I made friends was spending time with lots of different people not focusing too much on one unless you gel and the reciprocate.

I would say 1 in 10 would be pretty good odds. You need to try different people. If one isn't working out move on.

No. But I try.



I try to get out a lot. I keep meeting people. I've actually gotten pretty good at making first impressions with people. Then once it moves into the acquaintance zone it never moves from there although sometimes the superficial greetings remain. It's like they like me when they just talk to me, but they don't like me once I'm around their friends. After several hundred failed attempts I'm starting to get a little bit frustrated with people in general.

Aw, no one has an answer for that.

By the way, ladies, I know about the conspiracy. I noticed a lady with her "how to avoid GoatOnFire" manual. I made her confess that women have a worldwide conspiracy against me. She's locked up in the trunk of my car, and if you want her back you'll have to call the conspiracy off.

I've noticed that sometimes women can have a different, more loose, definition of "friends" than I do. I consider somebody a friend if I call them or go to see them every few days, maybe I've met their parents, I would comfortably loan them something of value, I would ask them to give me a ride to the airport if I needed it.

It seems like some women would define "friend" as somebody whose name they know. Somebody they see in the hall periodically and don't particularly dislike.

It's hard to tell what might be your specific problem since I've never met you. I'm not trying at all to be rude, but it may be there is something about you that you're not aware of that's off-putting. Personally, when I was in high school and college, I had several people tell me that I was "intense" in a kind of creepy way. Of course I had no idea what that meant and still kind of don't understand it.

Maybe you have a family member who could offer some tips for you?

Unless they think your gay, they likely think you just want to be friends with them as some sleazy way of trying to get down their pants later on.

Most guys do not want to be "just friends" with girls. Most "friends" come with benifits, if you get my drift.

There are exceptions, like being friends with a girl you've known from childhood and is like a sister, or something.