If you have friends, does it feel like maintenence work?

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CRACK
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28 Apr 2008, 8:47 pm

I haven't had friends for years. And I'm used to it. I'm used to being on my own in my leisure time. And sometimes I wonder if having friends would feel like more of a burden than a joy (given how infrequently I feel bored or lonely)



hartzofspace
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28 Apr 2008, 9:14 pm

I am still asking myself that question. I currently have an NT friend, who shows some aspects of ADD, which is why I can tolerate her. Other times, I find her overwhelming. But she has shown a willingness to accommodate some of my quirks. She has quite a few of her own, LOL. I don't find her "high" maintenance so far. It's cool.


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Abangyarudo
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28 Apr 2008, 9:33 pm

CRACK wrote:
I haven't had friends for years. And I'm used to it. I'm used to being on my own in my leisure time. And sometimes I wonder if having friends would feel like more of a burden than a joy (given how infrequently I feel bored or lonely)


no I'm very picky about friends most of the friends I have are cool but I'm not known to be very overly social.



ignisfatuus
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28 Apr 2008, 9:44 pm

I haven't associated with anyone in ten years outside of a work/school context. When I did have friends, it absolutely did feel like "maintenance work". I didn't realise at the time that I had Asperger's, however. Now that I do, I can incorporate certain practices that people take for granted such as using people's first name (I usually never use a person's name when I talk to them) to smooth out the process.


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roygerdodger
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28 Apr 2008, 10:36 pm

Quote:
If you have friends, does it feel like maintenence work?


Yes!



Brittany2907
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29 Apr 2008, 11:52 am

I am still in contact with someone who i've known since we were both 4 years old. I don't see her much, but when she comes to visit it does feel like "maintenence work". I have to force myself to stay in the same room as her. She is so loud, talks non-stop etc, and sometimes I just want to run away from her!
My mother always says things to me such as..."You can't expect her to come and visit you when you don't visit her,"...and..."Friendship is a two way thing and your not doing your part,"...and my personal favourite...
"Having friends is not a chore, stop treating it like one,".

Well it DOES feel like a chore to me!!
Sure, I like having her visit me, but sometimes she is a little overbearing.


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Brandon_M
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29 Apr 2008, 1:00 pm

No. It may be hard at first to start a friendship, but as time goes on i've become very open among most of them. In fact, i've been told i'm the easiest one to talk to simply because I listen and give a lot of insight.

Still, there are times where I feel a bit out of place :(



NeoPix
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29 Apr 2008, 1:13 pm

Maintenance? Yes. That's part of keeping the relationships alive. You get benefits with friendship, but you have to pay for it somehow. Fact of life. Can't escape it.



AngelUndercover
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29 Apr 2008, 1:23 pm

Sometimes it does feel like maintenance work, yes, especially if I hvae a lot of friends at once; that's part of why I like to keep my social circle small. Also, I go through phases of being more and less interested in certain people, just like I do with my obsessions - but I obviously can't expect to maintain friendships if I only talk to my friends at certain times, so I have to work to maintain the friendships during the "down" times. It's not that I don't enjoy spending time with my friends - I do - but it does sometimes feel like work to me.


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hattie
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29 Apr 2008, 9:14 pm

I have recently gone to university and therefore made friends which is nice because i haven't had any proper ones for years. but sometimes they make me so angry and stressed. i get really effected by them and often ask my self if its worth it as they are difficult to organise and can get on my nerves. however i think that i would feel like i was missing out if i didn't make the effort and wouldn't have as much fun and i make sure i always have time away from them. give and take i guess


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ButchCoolidge
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30 Apr 2008, 12:55 am

NeoPix wrote:
Maintenance? Yes. That's part of keeping the relationships alive. You get benefits with friendship, but you have to pay for it somehow. Fact of life. Can't escape it.


It's true. Friendship takes effort. You have to change plans to hang out with people, you have to call your friends and invite them to do things. It doesn't just "happen" without some effort on your part. But I find that staying close to several friends and having a few extra acquaintances is worth the effort.



Zane
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30 Apr 2008, 11:39 am

Freinds are great.

I have learned so much about social skills and myself from hanging out with ALL of my friends.

Sure some are crazy, some are jocks, some are drug dealers, and some are just plain geeks...but all are very good friends, have my back in any situation, and have taught me valuable things about how I am viewed by the common public. Also living with a jock has taught me to stick up for myself, treat girls like girls and hoes like hoes, shoot a jump shot, enjoy sports more etc. etc. etc...

Give friends a chance. And so what if they are maintenance. Do you seriously think you are all cake and candy to hang with?

Everyone has quirks.

It comes down to do you want friends and if so what are you willing to do/sacrifice to have them?


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sim
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30 Apr 2008, 11:49 am

Yes. I value friendships where both of us are autonomous and know when to stop talking.



Trugen
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05 May 2008, 11:57 am

it can at times


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