A close friend - what is it?

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As evidenced by a poll on this forum, many aspies consider making friends difficult. But some of you say that you have close friends. I am wondering if you can write what is a close friend. What's the difference between a close friend and an acquaintance? (Can you provide examples?) Is there a "friendship" emotion involved? Or do you rely on some logical definition to tell friends apart from the rest of the crowd? I have read that friendship is a "give-and-take" relationship. What does it mean? What is it that you give to your close friends?
Please forgive stupid questions. Thanks a lot for your responses.

i think that the 'give and take' description of friendship is totally inaccurate and illogical- as if friendship was some kind of transaction, and you only help your friend because they helped you before.

in my experience there is a 'friendship emotion'...the term 'on the same wavelength' comes to mind, that is mutual understanding and respect. on top of that, you enjoy being in their company, look forward to seeing them..when you talk to them there is a real rapport instead of meaningless chit-chat, which is how acquaintances talk to each other. a natural result of this is that you support each other in your problems and aspirations..thats the 'give and take', but the phrase is a completely inappropriate way of putting it.

so to differentiate between friends and acquaitances, basically ask yourself if you look forward to talking/spending time with that person. for instance, if its a work/schoolmate, do you talk to them because you feel[u/] like talking to them, or because you 'know' each other and you feel that you're obliged to. when your talking to them, do you engage in what they're saying or think of other things?

hope this helps

my close friends are the people I feel most comfortable and at-ease with. people who I enjoy spending time with and talking to.

in terms of 'give and take' its just you must make sure that one person isnt giving or contributing more to the friendship than the other.

As you guys know, I'm eliminating the word 'friendship' from my vocabularly. However, for someone to be one of the people I like to be around I have to inherently feel a connection to them. This is that intuition thing I've mentioned before. It is just like there is something about them that is worth my time.

Also, if they seem to be able to deal with my being strange without being TOO bothered by it, but mostly it is that connection thing. There are people who are nice to me that I couldn't consider people I like to be around because that connection isn't there, and there are other people I've only met a couple of times that I have that connection with . . .

A close friend is something I'll probably never have since I have a difficult time dealing with and accepting the emotions that come with close friendship.

A true close friend is when you know the other person better than you know yourself, and you can completely be yourself with them without fear.

I have no close friends. I have lots of "acquaintences" - people whose names I know and who say hi to me by name - and several "long-term acquaintences that might be considered friends" - but no CLOSE friends. There is no one I talk to frequently, go places with, invite over for coffee, share my life's happenings, etc.

I have many close friends. The relationships I seem to have problems with are romantic relationships. Probably because I'm not sure of where to go, when to stop, and when to say no. If I got a guy who was very understanding and mature, I think I could be in a relationship with him.

I don't have many close friends who are my age...the majority of my friends are old enough to be my parents. The friends I have who are my age or close to it are all online.

I think the way to tell a close friend from an acquaintance is reciprocity. I have often rushed headlong into 'friendships' with anyone who would talk to me, without realising that I was being used or that the new acquaintance was not so keen.

By contrast, my one close friend, who I met at Uni as another 'misfit' in a group of corporate wannabes, seems more like a brother than anything else. We have looked out for each other in the past, he is honorary 'uncle' to my kids, like a lot of the same things (including getting each others jokes/pop culture references) and can communicate comfortably. We go months without meeting up as he lives 50 miles away but when we do, it feels more like a family reunion with a member of your family you actually like

thats how a real friendship seems to me anyway, I'm not big on subtlety...

dunc

I'm in the same boat.

My closest friend is a guy I met back in 1987. I suspect he's also AS. We talk about "surface things" in depth, but never get really personal.

The person I've connected with the most is my wife, but it's been a mostly bad relationship from the start. She's the kind of person who if you open up to and disclose a problem to her she usually sees it as a sign of "weakness" and replies with anger or contempt. So I've learned to keep my mouth shut most of the time.

I've only had a few close friends...

I believe the at close or best friend is someone who you can talk to and won't go out and say "hey, [your name here] has weird problems!"
They will listen to you. A real friend doesn't make fun of you behind your back.

I have heaps of friends, but none really close.

To me a close friend is someone that you can discuss anything with, and someone that is loyal to you.

My best friend from highschool was a good friend, but wasn't loyal, and we didn't discuss any deep conversations.

Lots of friends are great, but having a close friend can make one really happy.

A close friend would be somebody that I look forward to spending time with. For me to consider a person as being a friend, they have to be able to deal with my quirks. The person must be willing to me talk about my obsessions once in a while. For a person to be considered a close friend, they should be the type who doesn't believe in fixing or changing people.

The people who come closest to being my friends are those who offer mental enjoyment. I am completely clueless about how one can unselfishly care for one's friends' welfare outside of the context of how it impacts on one's mental interactions with them. Thus, for example, I am unable to be alarmed about my friends having their legs broken, so long as they still provide stimulating conversation. I suspect this is not a conventional view of friendship.

As far back as I can remember I've only ever had one friend at a time and small number of acquaintances. The "friendships" lasted a couple of years and then a new friend would come along. It's not that I had arguments with these people, I think we just grew apart. I'm not too sure why.

I think I had those friends in the social environments I was in, for example during primary school I had one friend and when I moved schools in secondary school I got a new friend, then when I moved to college I got a new friend. All the time losing complete contact with the previous friend.

It doesn't bother me at all. I don't feel the need to have a friend.

This may sound really stupid - but why do we need friends?

It would be a very "Lewisian" view of friendship (see my posts in the other "friends" thread). Lewis says friends will sometimes take care of each other when necessary, but they will consider it a distraction; "Oh now we've lost twenty minutes to business, please let's get on with what this friendship is about!"