MY FRIENDS DONT BELIEVE ME

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THEY DON'T BELIEVE MY DIAGNOSES
AND THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF
i try to use it as a way to know my problems and then use it as a challenge to overcome
however they say i dont have it
(my friends are the "hippies of this generation")
I would like them to understand, any suggestions

It is probably jealousy-NTs don`t like people being special or different thats why many of them are racist etc.

if they don't believe you than they arent ur friend

Your friends may simply not seeing anything in you that "needs diagnosing".
Or they may be denying it because they don't want to accept that you have something neurological going on that they can't have control over (for example, make you "get over it").

You can't make them understand, only they can do that. If they aren't willing, then they aren't worth your time.

Preposterous!

THE problem is that i think they say it cause they dont believe, but also so i dont limit myself
HOWEVER i use it to challenge myself to go beyond, do to the Diagnoses
THUS, when they say I dontr have it, it begins to makwe me doubt
THEREFORE i stop trying, and become somewhat lazier, if not a whole hell-of-a-lot lazier

I find that hard to believe.

Weird, I'm a hippie of this generation, and I hardly ever judge people, and if I do judge them, I of course change my judgement if they show that they are different.

If they don't seem keen on beleiving you, I would drop them. Although, I know plenty of groups of friends who don't agree on hardly anything, and yet they still seem to work. If you want to stay friends with them, just drop the subject unless it's necessary.

Your outlook on your DX is admirable, as not many people would see it as a challenge to overcome, but moreso as something to accept and hide behind. Keep doing what you're doing, and no matter what they say, you will be proud of yourself.

I've always really hated it when people start spouting off that I'm not disabled, you can do this well, you can do that, don't limit yourself, blah blah blah.

It's hard for me to convey that my diagnosis isn't self-limiting, it's a relief! I have to try so hard to fit in, so hard to do what is completely natural for others. Before my diagnosis, my only explaination for this disparity was that I was stupid or weak, and that hurt a lot. But to be told that no, you're not stupid, you're just different - it let me stop beating up on myself. It didn't mean that I stopped try to fit in, to stretch my limits. But now I could give my difficulties a name, and was given a lot of strategies to improve that actually worked.

I have known a New Age friends who, with the best of intentions, tried to convince me that embracing my diagnosis, that taking my pills, was self-limiting and unnatural. That really hurt, and in time I realized that it was really unfair. Would telling a blind person that he can really see, that he would stop bumping into things if he just believed in himself, be helpful? Would taking away a diabetic's insulin, an unnatural concoction that was developed by killing tens of thousands of poor dogs, improve her health? Just because I can see and I don't need insulin to live, doesn't mean that someone else might not have problems.

If you took away a blind person's cane, they probably could still navigate their house, and get by if they were very careful. But, they would always be limited by the small area they could navigate by memory, and keep tripping and bruising their shins, or risk walking into traffic or something similarly dangerous, everytime they went beyond that area. By admitting and embracing their blindness, and using a cane or a seeing-eye dog or by asking others to guide them in unfamiliar environments, the blind become more able and independant, not less.

Isn't it concievable that autism could be like that? That by asking me to deny my weaknesses, pretend they don't exist, you are in fact asking me to limit myself? If I struggle to hear someone in noisy chaotic environments, isn't asking to move to a place where I can hear more enabling? If I am frightened by a social situation because I can't understand the dyanamics, isn't asking for help to understand it making me more capable by allowing me to truly participate, instead of just faking it and hoping for the best?

Admitting and embracing my Asperger's has been a tremendously affirming and empowering process. Lying to myself, saying that something should be easy for me, when I know darn well it isn't, limits my growth. Continuously trying to do things the 'normal' way and failing, or only succeeding at great effort, when I've learned other, more productive ways of doing things, is stupid. By accepting both my flaws and my strengths I have become whole, and better able to face the world without feeling ashamed or guilty.

I really did understand that my friends were just trying to help me the best way they knew how, to tell me that they didn't see anything wrong with me. Their words weren't meant to hurt me, to make me doubt myself, or to try to force me to act a certain way. They just couldn't see my pain, that even though I looked fine on the surface, deep down it was like I was from the wrong planet.

In the end, my friendship fell apart. I couldn't deny my reality anymore and I couldn't keep hearing my friends' self-limiting advice. The only way for me to grow and become more was to embrace and love myself as I really am, not as I would like to or should be. I still feel sad that I was never able to get my friends to understand this - I just didn't have the words back then, and they didn't want to hear what I had to say.

I hope things work out better for you. Sorry for the rant

Last edited by Speckles on 05 May 2008, 4:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't see why this is a problem. If anything it is a good thing that they see you for who you are. It doesn't change things. I think my friends were surprised I was diagnosed, because they had learned to accept my oddities and they have some too even as 'NTs'. What they didn't realize is I'm able to put a front up for short periods, because i hardly spend time around people otherwise. In fact they are my only close friends, but they have more. I am still my blunt self but they are used to it.

" i still dont believe you have asperger's. autism's main symptom is an inability to communicate and a disassociation from those that surround you. you have no problem stating your thoughts, and i commonly see you interacting with people. that doctor's a quack " - Karl

a quote from a great friend

should i just leave it be

hes essentially right, about me

but it took a while, and i still do it inappropriately, and have an unbalanced view of things
one extreme or the other i say

should i just be glad he views me as he views opthers, that hes not holding me back, and just leave it be?

when ever i taslk about hippie of this generation, i mean
fight the power
adults are nazis (what they do to force their will upon others, and how they often do whats best for their own twisted 'ideals')
they can't trust authority do to bush
and the corrupt police
so i guesse they dont believe my doctor,
plus they don't want me to limit myself
plus possibly jealousy
they also hate the idea of it as an excuse

Last edited by Trugen on 05 May 2008, 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There's deaf people who can appear to hear normally by reading people's lips and paying attention to what the people around them are doing. They can speak quite well, though they have a bit of an accent. Does this mean that the doctors' who diagnosed them are quacks?

I have had people tell me that I am more empathetic and a better communicator then many people they know. Does this mean I don't have asperger's? Hell no!

The reason I became good at it is admitting my asperger's, and taking steps to shore up my weak points. I don't hate or berate myself for getting socially or sensorially overwhelmed any more, I roll with the punches. I don't feel stupid about messing up in a social situation, I admit I struggle. I celebrate my successes, congratulate myself on my ability to survive and thrive in a difficult environment, instead of cursing myself for being so lazy and overwhelmed. And I celebrate my diversity - I have an awareness of the world that few 'normal' people have.

My Asperger's is not an excuse. I am commited to succeeding at life, and being the best person I can. I never say that I can't do something because of my asperger's; I either keep trying until I get it, or I find alternate means to accomplish it. I work harder then most people I know, and it shows. All the years of trying has lead to me being very creative at problem solving, and somewhat pro-active. I refuse to be ashamed of my differences; I refuse to limit myself by not accepting the reality of my situation, and pretending something is alright when I know it isn't.

I do agree that it may be best to let the matter drop. If your friends don't want to talk about it, that's okay. You don't have to share every detail of your existance, or agree about everything to be someone's friend. You can agree to disagree, and move on. They might also, over time, grow more accepting on the idea as they mature. It's kind of obvious that they, and you, are realtively young ('adults are nazis' is a pretty big clue).

Just remember that letting the matter drop is different then not believing your doctor. It is true that you may have been misdiagnosed, but use your own judgement. If the diagnosis feels right, and is helping you, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.