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CAn anyone explain this?

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Mutanatia
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27 Jun 2010, 11:46 pm

My mom, she has this habit of discouraging me. Well, actually doing both, if you can imagine that :o

Basically, if I have an ideal job in mind, like say, a tutor--or maybe an editor--my mom will say, "You don't have an education degree," or "But you don't have an English degree," which makes me feel bad, like I can't achieve what I want to. But then again, my mom will say, "When are you going to move out?" Well, GEE! I can't move out unless I have a job. I have tried to contact people about jobs, but you're always discouraging me.

Does anyone have any insights as to her thought process so I can better understand what she's thinking? Thanks :)



conundrum
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28 Jun 2010, 12:01 am

In my opinion, she's conflicted. On the one hand, she doesn't want to see you fail, so she's being "overprotective" by saying that you shouldn't try this or that because you COULD fail (doesn't mean you WILL).

On the other hand, she may be thinking you'll be living at home forever, and one of the reasons she wouldn't want that is because (in her mind) it would reflect badly on her as a parent, like she hadn't raised you to be independent and have your own life.

Yes, these seem to be in total opposition to one another. From what I've heard, that is often the *definition* of motherhood.

I think this is going to be a hard habit (and yes, it is a habit) for her to break. I'd suggest talking to her about it directly, but she may not be ready to hear this yet. I think she may not even be aware of what she's doing.

In the meantime, IGNORE her discouragement and pursue whatever jobs you think you may be qualified for. You just may turn out to be right. Succeeding will be the first sign (to both her and you) that she's wrong. Then you might be able to discuss all this with her.

Hope that helps.


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Chronos
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28 Jun 2010, 12:57 am

Mutanatia wrote:
My mom, she has this habit of discouraging me. Well, actually doing both, if you can imagine that :o

Basically, if I have an ideal job in mind, like say, a tutor--or maybe an editor--my mom will say, "You don't have an education degree," or "But you don't have an English degree," which makes me feel bad, like I can't achieve what I want to. But then again, my mom will say, "When are you going to move out?" Well, GEE! I can't move out unless I have a job. I have tried to contact people about jobs, but you're always discouraging me.

Does anyone have any insights as to her thought process so I can better understand what she's thinking? Thanks :)


Sometimes people just have a perception of us that's different from who we really are, or that's incomplete or partially inaccurate.

There is another post on here where the poster asked if others were afraid to tell people their plans, and many people replied that yes, they prefer not to share their plans, and the reason many of them gave is because they were afraid others would doubt them.

If you have something positive in life you want to pursue, you should pursue, and what others think should be irrelevant.



NearlyaHuman
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28 Jun 2010, 1:15 am

Maybe she was also trying to get you to think realistically. Many entry level jobs need specific degrees these days, and since the economy still blows, finding work can be difficult. She should have said "Go for it, but remember other people might be more qualified than you".
But doing that for every single job you are interested in is kind of not helping.
I can understand how you would feel discouraged.


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