Making amends to non-Aspies

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When I was diagnosed a year ago, I felt that perhaps I should contact people from my past and apologize to them for my Asperger's-related behaviors. I was talking to my mother's acquaintance whose son had been diagnosed with Asperger's and who'd given my mother the information about whom to speak to at UCLA in order to have me tested, and I told her that I had started calling people to make amends and apologize. She said to me, "Andy, you do not owe anyone an apology. On the contrary, you are owed apologies, because the system failed you."

I'd be interested to know if anyone else did this when first diagnosed, and how others here feel about the idea of making amends to those we have offended in the past with our so-called "rude behavior".

Big Gay Andy

Welcome to Wrong Planet Andy!

No I didn't apologize to anyone. I am pretty quiet and I don't interact that much to begin with.

Your mothers aquaintance is right...you don't owe anyone an apology.

You dont say you're sorry if its not your fault. Being an Aspie is no different than being male, female, black, white, etc. You are born who you are. No one should EVER apologize for that. Those folks that were unaccepting, they should be the ones to say "sorry".
Glad to have ya on Wrong Planet by the way.

You owe no apology since you didn't do anything wrong. I agree with the "system failed you" idea - aspies are just like everyone else except in the ways that they are different and they can be very good people, and anyone who you had trouble with due to misinterpretation / misunderstanding should have been able to notice your difference and work around it (granted, no one is perfect, but still). Needing a doctor's note saying that you have trouble with this is silly imho. It is certainly not your fault you are an aspie.

However, you may want to let certain people know what you have been diagnosed with. By certain people I mean those who may have misinterpreted some of your aspie behavior/mannerisms and became offended as a result.

I thought of being Myself with no apologize for anything I did Myself to Myself or Anybody else either. I would be apologizing to many people. That is just Me though.

I did apologize to some people after I was diagnosed about six months ago.

I did it for myself, for my own good. It felt cleansing, because I felt I'd done some wrong to a few people when I was particularly stressed out. It didn't matter whether it was really my FAULT or not.

I just wanted to be reconciled with my brothers, so to speak. It helped me move forward in my life.

Understand, I didn't apologize for being AS. Rather, I told them I had some new info, and I was sorry if I'd inadvertantly caused them pain during (certain incident).

I agree with what others have told you in that there is no cause to apologize to everyone you know for being how you are. But if you feel the need to right some past wrong that you feel you can now sort out, then that is a courageous and noble act.

You know, I think some people deserve an apology, but the more I think about it, they don't really, but alot of people deserve an explanation.

I mean if they don't know what is going on some of my behaviour can come across very rude.

i agree with hale bopp.

i would like to explain to a lot of people why i behaved the way i did but, personally, i do not feel the need to apologise. i can think of far more situations where i am owed an apology! for example, the bullying, being called weird / stupid / crazy, being criticised for things that were beyond my control, being excluded from things, being exploited etc.

Yes, during the process of coming aware of my AS symptoms, I finally got up the nerve after 5 years to tell someone who I had felt I had failed greatly, to try and apologise and tell her the truth after many years. It was hours long and in the end I felt release but she said that I shouldn't have felt so guilty in the first place. 5 years and that was the result.

I dont think we owe anyone an apology... anytime I am forced to appolgise I hate it.

You don't owe anyone an apology. Your aspie related behavior probably wasn't near as bad as the way you were treated. You are who you are, and nobody should have to ask forgiveness for that.

I will not apologize for any of my behavior in fact, I think the ones who treated me the way they did should apologize to me! Whether or not they do doesn't matter to me, because I am who I am, I'm true to myself, and I take whatever consequences that has.

no ..really..why apologize...no one else has to for thier conditions... I say..if you had some strange previous behaviors in the past...recognize your faults and move on. Don't dig the dead up m'kay?

I would say it was a mutual apology. When I do something because of my AS that hurts someone else, then still I need to apologise. At the same time, plenty of people felt bad that they weren't as tolerant of me in the past.

What about those of us that weren't treated badly? Not all people with AS have been abused, bullied, or mistreated. My life has been okay, and I didn't get a rough time from anyone in particular. My struggle was just living in a world that I didn't understand and that didn't understand me.