Why are you lonely?

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Its my understanding that Autistic and AS people enjoy the company of themselves, correct?

So why exactly do you desire friends and lovers to the point of desperation?
Are you caving in to society's pressure? How convenient for you to scoff at mainstream society's values but cave in just to this one...
I have plenty of friends but that's my prerogative, but why are you all so desperate when you clearly don't want to be.
Seriously what's up here, this isn't adding up.
I don't want an elaborately complex answer designed to overanalyze the subject until I go away, tell me in plain english.

That's one the many "thorns in your side" about AS , it took me years to realize that I have to put effort to gain from it, and that if i want something i have to go get it no matter how weird or bad it feels to do so , sadly this revelation is something all ASpies learn in different ways at different times. Not that you don't learn a lot about yourself during this time before you see light, in fact i'd be in horrible shape if didn't have so much alone time i think. But overall it's a challenge for many ASpies and even NT's too, and its very unfortunate , which is why i want to be a major in psycology geared specifically towards people with Autism spectrum disorders.

*NT's* (normal people) are fine to ignore. *Dream* people and *genuine* people are who I long for. Thus I am incredibly lonely not in my own company, but in wondering of how I could possibly find anyone like me.

I don't know, maybe I'm more of a conformist than I realize, but I just want someone to love and love me back. That's all I've ever asked for. Not sure if it's because society puts an emphasis on it or if it's my own natural desire. I used to try to fit in with others but I always tried to do it in my own way which never worked. I realized that I can be happy just being who I am, whether I fit in or not.

Why do you have to fit in?

I enjoy being alone, yes. However not ALL the time. Sometimes I want someone to bounce ideas off of or to aid me with an issue or to just plain laugh with. I also crave physical touch and to have someone understand me (not to mention my sex drive).

Basically, I like SOME time to myself (although just being in the presence of someone where there is no pressure to be or do anything sometimes fills that requirement) however I enjoy being around a small group of others. I'm just not that good at it.

For me I don't necessarily want friendship I just want to be accepted and feel like I am not part of my family even and just would like to feel like I am apart of it. I really just want to be accepted by anybody so I will feel like I am apart of this world that I live in. If making a friend would help me feel accepted and apart of the world like all the NT's are then I wouldn't mind having a friend.

People confuse sucking at social things with wanting to be alone. I hate being alone, I mean, I need my personal space, but I've never liked not having friends.
I don't scoff at mainstream society's values, I just don't understand them. Two very different things.
Please do not generalize this to all Aspies, I am so sick of that s***. NTs and Aspies really have to stop doing that to each other.

Wanting friends is natural, just like the desire to eat or the desire for sex. If you don't have any of these things or not enough, you're gonna feel desperate.

It's that simple, so I don't blame anyone for trying to fit in, unless they have to do some crazy or stupid s**t to fit in.

^ Well said. Just as long as it is within reason, there isn't anything wrong with it. I used to feel that fitting in in any way was bad because it took away from a person's individuality, but over the last couple of months, I've learned that it isn't all as bad as some things people do. I personally will probably never fit in but just as long as I can find romance, I'll be happy.

That is an individual choice. I'm pretty damn content with who I am and where I want to go in my life. Being on the spectrum does not implicitly mean that there is no social drive... far from it, from what I understand. Just that the ability to receive, interpret, and react appropriately can be variously altered in each individual. That makes solitude a welcome respite from the cacophony otherwise experienced. It is a double-edged sword to desire something that is difficult to understand or endure at times.


M.

I agree that your logic doesn't add up.

For one, you are starting with a false premise: that Autistic and AS people never enjoy the company of others.

Many Autistics and AS people desire relationships. It's just that many NTs connect with people in a manner that is unatural to people with Autism or AS, and vice versa.

As said above, your question is loaded. Yes, being an Aspie means the way I think and the way I process information are very different from the way an NT would. However, it doesn't mean I'm any different from any other human being as far as what I require for survival and happiness.

I genuinely like myself. Believe me, after years of self-esteem issues, it was a struggle to get to a point where I could even say that. But it doesn't mean I don't want to associate with other people occasionally.

You've asked why we desire relationships. I have a feeling you can answer your own question. Why do you desire relationships yourself? Why does anyone? It's a basic human need, and it's the same for us. The big difference is, it doesn't come as naturally to us, and we have a very hard time connecting with people in ways that NTs traditionally use to connect. As a result, quite frequently our basic human need for significant human interaction goes sorely unsatisfied.

You know what happens to a person if you deprive him or her of food, or water, or oxygen. Socially, that's what it feels like for me sometimes. Hence, the desperation.

It may be a basic need but the way you approach is so unconventional, I know that's the point but when you stick to your guns and realize they don't work, then... you have a problem.

It was a loaded topic, but I'm trying to approach this from an NT perspective so that you know how an NT might think about this. In doing so, you may get what you seek.
Wisdom is gained.

It's unconventional, yes... parts are missing that are expected by others. Few would call it a conscious decision, by any stretch. As with any creature, any system, one either adapts, adopts or fails. There are myriad ways to accomplish the same feat; to dictate a single method as appropriate seems a little irrational... not putting words in your mouth; this is my own inference based on the idea of a single 'NT perspective'. I still feel your initial questions is off in premise; while there does tend to be an enjoyment and need for self-time, this does not necessarily affect one's desire for contact and connection. However, I'm all for discourse... so please continue.


M.

I don't want to be alone, per se. I just don't find the majority of the people all that fascinating. But those people who I do find interesting, I want to find them and spend most if not all my time with them. I've gone in circles with myself for the most part, and even with heightened self-awareness and a vast internal world of my own, there's still a point at which... that's all there is, and I want something else... someone else, to bounce my thoughts off of and who will "expand the borders" of that internal world in meaningful and even necessary ways. God, did that sound corny. But anyways. Yes, I'd rather be alone than have forced interactions of a pointless variety with a large portion of the world that I don't particularly care for. However, just as much as that, I'd rather have someone who really understands me and wants to know me, and me them, than be alone all the time with nothing except my own thoughts driving me nuts.