More Grandma problems

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There has been an ongoing problem because my grandma thinks it is ok to bother us for stuff (IE, weeding) because we are closer. Additionally, my mom doesn't work, so "There's no way you could possibly understand." This ticks both my mom and I off. She HAS a job. It's called being a mother. In fact, she had to stop cooking so she could go over and see my grandma today (she's on dad's side of the family). But yet, my grandma thinks it is ok for my cousisn to stop coming and send a handyman to do stuff around the house instead of us, and not visit my grandma because they "just can't do it". My mom says it's more like they WON'T. One of my cousins is her grandson, and I visit (once a week) WAAAAY more often than he EVER has. At this point, it got REAALY tense, and I left for a walk. When I got back, they were still going at it.

In other news, it looks like my grandma's aide is dishonest because she "shows" my grandma the bill, and then takes it home for herself.

My mom rants to me, which is okay, and my grandma tells me to tell my mom stuff. There are days, like tomorrow when I go to visit my grandma by myself (most likely), that I feel horribly caught in the middle. I know I should defend my mom, because she is right, and my cousins are lazy, and my mom DOES have the job of being a mother, but then I feel guilty about it.

My questions are threefold
1) How do I manage this, either between my mom and grandma, or just internally so that things don't go blooey?
2) How does one deal with the obvious tension?
3) If I defend my mom, should I feel guilty?

I can't tell you much about the situation as such.
But one thing is quite clear: It's mainly a thing between you mother and grandmother. They should be able to handle the situation. So there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty about anything.