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Mutanatia
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23 Aug 2008, 6:25 pm

Going to my grandma's, as you can see from my other posts, has been stressful. I think I shouldn't go over there for the rest of the summer (1 week). I told my grandma this, and she said, "Well, you need to stop by anyway to get September's money." (She always gives me money) I told her "No, I'm packing, I don't think I'll have time to go over. You can send it in the mail." To which she said, "Well, you'd better get it because I don't like sending money in the mail."

Is it me, or by promising me my September money *only* if I go over there, and my knowing full well she'll send it any way, does this seem like she is bribing me to go over to her house?



Fnord
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23 Aug 2008, 6:32 pm

Yes, she's bribing you to visit her. I see three choices:

1) Take the money and visit.
2) Take the money and run.
3) Run, and then tell her where to send the money.

Your call.



Keith
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23 Aug 2008, 6:32 pm

I think she could just want the company and not to be forgotten from where you come



Kauf039
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23 Aug 2008, 8:28 pm

I perfectly understand where you are coming from, however I can see her side too. If you leave without seeing her and send her your address expecting the money... well it doesn't look good even though you have a good reason not to go. If you are going to do it that way, I would suggest giving her your new address by sending her a card or something. This way it shows that you are taking time for her while still making it so you don't have to go over there. Good luck.


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rifler39
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23 Aug 2008, 8:39 pm

Grandparents are people who have had a houseful of kids for 20 to 40 years and are suddenly alone.

Of all people, we AS should understand what it is like to feel lonely and left out.

Yes, she is using the money as a bribe and a lever to wrest a visit from you. Perhaps she doesn't understand how much visiting stresses you. Perhaps (probably) she does understand this, but only at a logical level, without assciating the emotion to it. In either case, she is doing what grandparents do with and to grandchildren. It is not with malice, but out of love and lonliness.

Whether you go or not has to be your decision, based on whether you can take the added stress at this time. In either case, making a statement or writing a note to her, telling her that you love her, or admire her, or whatever, will help her and smooth thing over a lot.

This is from a grandparent (and greatgrandparent) who has been there, done that, received that.

Pops


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Mutanatia
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23 Aug 2008, 9:27 pm

Kauf039 wrote:
I perfectly understand where you are coming from, however I can see her side too. If you leave without seeing her and send her your address expecting the money... well it doesn't look good even though you have a good reason not to go. If you are going to do it that way, I would suggest giving her your new address by sending her a card or something. This way it shows that you are taking time for her while still making it so you don't have to go over there. Good luck.


The money doesn't really matter to me. At all. I would rather have a week free of added stress.



FieryGatoh
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24 Aug 2008, 12:35 am

Well maybe you should skip going there, but send a card or note or something like that, in the hope she won't take it as a personal offense?

I don't know, but thats my idea.



blossoms
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24 Aug 2008, 10:17 am

Of all people, we AS should understand what it is like to feel lonely and left out.

I completely agree...

Mutanatia, I would think it is important you visit your grandmother. Don't consider it stress, I believe you will find amazing fulfillment in being there for others, even if it is just providing company. Also ask her what she needs, offer to do some shopping and cleaning in the house.



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24 Aug 2008, 10:20 am

soon they'll be dead and you''ll never have to visit nor get any money ever again.

i miss all my grandparents.


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Mutanatia
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24 Aug 2008, 11:22 am

blossoms wrote:
Of all people, we AS should understand what it is like to feel lonely and left out.

I completely agree...

Mutanatia, I would think it is important you visit your grandmother. Don't consider it stress, I believe you will find amazing fulfillment in being there for others, even if it is just providing company. Also ask her what she needs, offer to do some shopping and cleaning in the house.


I came up witha compromise: I will visit with my mom when she goes to make dinner for my grandma. This way, she gets the company, and this way I don't have to stay for too long.



Betterclassed
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24 Aug 2008, 8:01 pm

Mutanatia wrote:
blossoms wrote:
Of all people, we AS should understand what it is like to feel lonely and left out.

I completely agree...

Mutanatia, I would think it is important you visit your grandmother. Don't consider it stress, I believe you will find amazing fulfillment in being there for others, even if it is just providing company. Also ask her what she needs, offer to do some shopping and cleaning in the house.


I came up witha compromise: I will visit with my mom when she goes to make dinner for my grandma. This way, she gets the company, and this way I don't have to stay for too long.


An excellent idea. :)