Aspie Friend's hurtful behavior

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I am friends with another woman I met at an aspie support group (actually, it covers people who have HFA and related issues). She has very limited interests but we used to get together to talk and go out to lunch. She even said that she would like to go on a double date with myself and my boyfriend. All of a sudden, she sent me an e-mail telling me that she was stressed out and would not be good company right now. I sent her an e-mail asking if everything was o.k. and she got mad and sent me an e-mail saying that her problems were personal and asked me not to e-mail her again about this issue.

I am hurt by her behavior. It feels like she is saying "It's none of your business, so @#$$$% off." I don't like the way she is treating me right now, so I have decided just to leave her alone and not attempt to contact her anymore. I just am so hurt because I thought she was my friend. That is the second frienship to go down the toilet this year. I think this is her way of saying that I'm not good enough to be her friend. So I'll guess I'l just leave her alone. I was only expressing concern toward her and she reacted by getting angry. I just don't understand.

Maybe she is embarrassed about whatever the problem is. It probably is nothing to do with you, it's just some issue with her. Don't take it personally; it doesn't say anything about your worth.

If you're still willing to be friends with her I would send her an email like "I'm so sorry you're having a hard time; let me know if there's anything I can do to help" and then not pursue her any further. She should know from that email that you will still be friends with her, and If she doesn't want to have anything more to do with you then its up to her to not contact you again, and if it is just her then she will get in touch when her issue clears up.

If you don't want the decision to be up to her, if you can't excuse the way she talked to you, just drop her. You certainly have the right to be offended about her behavior. It's up to you, of course.

From what I have learned, you have two choices:
If you're not interested in being friends with her after this, drop it.
If you want to continue being friends with her, write it off as a sore subject and pretend it didn't happen. Because what is she supposed to do, apologize that she was feeling angry for right reasons? Best case scenario, she'll feel guilty, and you probably dont want that. Worst case, and she'll get angry that 'you're so insecure.' (I'm not calling you anything, those were the words a friend who happened to be a girl used on me in a parallel situation to yours.)

Take it over leave it.

Asperger's is by definition a deficit in social functioning. That doesn't excuse hurtful behavior and actions, but it can explain them. Hopefully she will eventually have remorse and come around to apologize.

AS,
it sounds to me like she's acting like a 5th grader. I don't think she's worth it if she acts towards you like this. In addition, she shouldn't be taking issues out on you when it's clearly not your fault.

I think you are being unreasonable. She asked for space and you are unwilling to give it to her.

Your melodrama is detestable. Taking the Internet seriously is rarely considered proper conduct.

I would probably let a little time go by and then contact her again and ask if her problem was resolved and if she is feeling better. You might get your friendship back on track when she is feeling less stressed.

Probably best to give her some space for now- the initial communication from her seemed to indicate that she simply needed to be "left alone" for a while and I can definitely relate to that feeling. Your then asking her if everything was OK was probably seen (rightly or wrongly) as intrusive and nagging, when she had already said she just needed some space for a while.

Give it some time, once she gets whatever issues settled out everything should be fine again.

^^ Agreeing with everything Orwell said.

Well, I waited a few days and then sent her a very short, simple e-mail. I just told her I just wanted to say Hi and that I hope things get better for her. That was all I said in the e-mail. I have not heard anything back from her so I guess I'll just give it time and see if she comes around or not. It happens so often in my life that I think someone is a friend and then all of a sudden they want nothing to do with me. I hate not knowing what I did wrong. But in this case I don't think as Aspie would have a problem coming out and saying whatever it is I said or did wrong. Sometimes I wrack my brains trying to think of what I did wrong. I know I didn't do anything deliberately mean or cruel. I didn't steal from them, I didn't get involved with someone else's husband or boyfriend, I didn't hit them or physically harm them in anyway. I don't borrow money from people. I don't mooch off of people. I mean, I don't mooch financially. So I guess it will always be a mystery as to why people are my friends and then all of a sudden they want nothing to do with me. Does anyone else have this happen to them as well?

As,
people are a very funny animal anway. It isn't that this women is on the spectrum or not, it's that she's human. And human nature can be very cruel. From the things you told me about her, she is a whiner, and
sounds like someone who likes to complain constantly. Maybe there is a good reason as to why that door is closed as she has a lot of problems. Infact, I have had people like me one minute and hate me the next. For example, it happened to me at that church that I used to attend where I thought these people were real. In addition, I had a guy in highschool who liked me one minute and dumped the next for some other girl. Moreover, he still acts like that and has let many of the people he calls, "friends." What about the women who acted like she liked me and even gave me candy at christmas and then decided that she didn't like me because I ruined both of her birthday get togethers? AS, people are going to be that way no matter what you do and who you are.

Just wait and see. If she gets back to you, then her outburst just meant that she feels confident enough in your friendship to act in a bad mood when she's in a bad mood. I wouldn't let her continue thinking she can treat me like crap when she's in a bad mood, though.

Third possiblity: she's angry at you for something you did and she's one of those people who don't like to talk about it, so they expect you to guess. Aarrgh, these people are difficult for me.