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physicsteen
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07 Sep 2008, 11:14 am

I heard other Aspies have a strict code. I have a moral code which I follow avidly. What top four beliefs or philosophies do you have which you will never overthrow? Even when others are trying to belittle you because of it.

Mine:

Knowledge is the most Important Gift- I always get books, robot kits, and software for Christmas or my birthday.

No Jealousy Allowed- I have the firm belief that "Jealousy is the lack of confidence in your own skills and talents". I'm never jealous or I know I'm not confident enough.

Truth is a Valuable Asset- I'd rather have one truth than a thousand lies. If you know the truth, you know all the lies.

Respecting Others is Respecting your Inner Good- I always respect people. I never make enemies based on this. However, I'm not the most popular either


I lost a lot of friends based on my inability to throw away my most cherished beliefs. They thought it was alright to disrespect their parents and other peers.

Ex. One friend starting spreading unwarranted rumors about another person. I told the other person what my friend was doing, and the rumors ceased immediately. The whole school seemed to ignore me from that point on.



Douglas_MacNeill
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07 Sep 2008, 2:25 pm

As an Aspie, but even more as an old University man
(from the University of Alberta), I tend to follow the
ethics of Immanuel Kant. (deontological ethics, the categorical
imperative, always treat persons as ends in themselves
rather than as means to other people's ends, etc.)



Nan
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07 Sep 2008, 3:06 pm

Yup. But it's situational - I couldn't delineate it for you without having to take a very long time. Basically it's:

Choose your friends very carefully.

Never screw a friend over.

Try to not lie, if at all possible, to anyone. Don't gossip, and keep your nose out of other people's business - even (and sometimes especially) if they invite you in.

People are doing the best they can. Sometimes they can't manage much. Make as much of an allowance for them and their behaviors as you can. But when you hit your limits, walk away.

Don't ask anyone else to do something for you that you can do for yourself. You're better than that. And certainly don't think you're entitled to it.

Try it before you say you can't do it. If you do have to ask for and/or accept aid, do so as graciously as possible. Nobody HAS to help you, they're doing you a favor.

Don't look back - if you're sure you did the best you could in a situation, that's all there is to it. Move on. Let It Go.

If you half-assed something, you earned the consequences. Learn from it. And for goodness' sake, don't whine about it.

You have to live with what's in your head when you go to sleep at night. Nobody put what's in there in there, other than you. It's under your control - don't make excuses to yourself.

Don't allow anyone to try to foist a load of crap on you morally, emotionally, intellectually, or physically. Dissect it, see what it is and what the motivations are, use them for your benefit if you can, otherwise walk away.

For the times when life outside your head is not under your control (and that does happen) - roll with it. You can't control others, you can only control your reactions to them.

Do something positive every day. Inaction is lethal both mentally and physically. (If you are dead broke, you can still take a walk and marvel at the trees and the clouds. If you're ill and too sick to leave the house, you can enjoy a warm bath or the feeling of sun on your skin if you sit near a sunny window as you watch the world go by out there.)

Remember that you need to know what the situation is. Study it. Dissect it. Nothing is insurmountable, given enough time, effort, and motivation. It's a matter of how bad you want something. It's always your choice to stop when it's not worth it anymore.

There's always more than one way to get from point A to point B.

Improvise when necessary, don't become rulebound.

Try to play a little, take time out every day (even if it's only a few minutes) to play. Walking on the concrete car-stops in the parking lot to see if you can still balance on them like you're on the balance beam at the olympics counts. So does splashing in puddles.

Keep your eyes open and your head down, but when you see something that's just intrinsically wrong going by and you can do something about it, do it. Otherwise you have to have that in your head at night and that is not a good thing.



HydroPurity
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07 Sep 2008, 3:33 pm

TRUTH or TRUST-You cannot be a shady individual who lies or steals or is 2 faced, I'm not friends with many cops of politicians.
HONOR-Honor those around you because they make up life as you know it, treat others how you want to be treated, and honor yourself by not being a completely shady bum who just does a bunch of drugs.
FREEDOM-Open mindedness, freedom to choose what goes in your and my body, freedom of lifestyle and opinion, again, I'm not friends with any cops or politicians.
COURAGE-Strength to go the extra mile, take chances, and really have fun in life.



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07 Sep 2008, 4:37 pm

In no particular order...

Never Cheat a Friend: Assume that all people are your friends until proven otherwise, at which point all bets are off - knowingly associating with cheats, criminals, and traitors will only be bad for you.

Expose Deceit, Ignorance, Incompetance, and Treachery: Such things erode social cohesiveness, and must be exposed swiftly and precisely so that those in authority can mete out the appropriate actions.

Know What You Know: Always verify the "facts" that you are given, and be skeptical of "facts" for which there is no relevant supporting evidence.

Help Those In Need: Know the difference between a "hand out" and a "hand up." The former temporarily alleviates the person's immediate needs, while the latter enables them to help themselves over the long term. Unfortunately, it is sometimes best for the person to just say 'No.'

Emotionalism is Anathema: Emotions and feelings distort perceptions and render claims subjective and invalid, so approach every claim with a clear mind and a settled heart.

Respect Those in Authority: Remember the old saying, "Provoke ye not the gods, for thou art small and vulnerable, and doth splatter noisily when smote." This applies as much to law enforcement officials and employers as it does to supernatural deities.

Put In An Honest Day's Labor: There is always something that needs to be done for your employer, so go ahead and just do it. There is no such thing as "That's not my job" unless your employer says so.

Honor Agreements: Give your word only when you know you can keep it. Let the appropriate people know when you can not honor an agreement, or when conditions prevent you from givving your word in the first place. Never, ever give your word just to avoid an unpleasant situation, while knowing full well that you'll eventually have to revoke your word.

Present All Known Choices: When dealing with others, provide or show options other than than those in your own best interest. "My way or the highway" is never an option.

Present All Known Facts: Report only what you know, and never assume to know the emotional states, motivations, and thoughts of others. Also, never embellish one set of facts over the others in order to sway decision-making in your favor.

Apologize Only When Wrong: Being right and truthful often causes others to believe that they have been harmed in some way - this is not when you should say that you are sorry. Express regret that your actions caused them discomfort, but never regret having said or done the right thing.

... and finally...

When You Must Apologize, Do It Right: The steps are as follows:

1) Gather Impartial Witnesses: An apology made in front of witnesses carries more weight than one made in private. However, only when the offending act took place in private is a private apology warranted.

2) State The Offense: You did it, you know you did it, so just admit it, and in no uncertain terms. Keep your confession short, simple, and to the point.

3) Declare That Your Actions Were Wrong: Again, you know they are wrong, so just admit it. Don't try to justify or excuse your actions, or provide mitigating circumstances. Wrong is wrong.

4) Express Sorrow Only For Your Own Actions: In most cases, a simple "I'm Sorry" will suffice. It demonstrates that you are burdened by the guilt of your actions. Also, "I'm sorry that I offended you" is a sincere apology, while "I'm sorry that what I did offended you" is not. Never apologize on behalf of others, as it implies that you are somehow responsible for their actions.

5) Ask to be Forgiven: "Please forgive me" shows that only the victim can relieve that guilt, and it also demonstrates a certain humility on your part.

6) Offer Restitution: This is always the final step, otherwise, it seems like an offhand bribe. Even if the person refuses to forgive you, offer to somehow make up for their loss. Remember that you are now in their debt, and that they may now believe that revenge is the only option, so have a good lawyer ready, and remember all the witnesses from Step 1.



ShawnWilliam
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07 Sep 2008, 8:01 pm

Fnord, is that really a code you follow day-to-day?..



Fnord
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07 Sep 2008, 8:42 pm

ShawnWilliam wrote:
Fnord, is that really a code you follow day-to-day?..

Why? Are you the Moral Code Police?

Or would you rather that I just followed the Bible?



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07 Sep 2008, 9:33 pm

ShawnWilliam wrote:
Fnord, is that really a code you follow day-to-day?..

I do.


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07 Sep 2008, 9:35 pm

1. Do not lie. This rule needs no further elucidation.

2. Be there if someone asks you for help. They don't have to be a friend to deserve help- they have to be someone who needs your help.

3. Take responsibility for yourself. If you screw up, admit it frankly and don't try to shift blame or attribute it to circumstance.

4. Try not to be a burden on others. If you need help, ask for it, but only if you actually do need help.

5. In a dispute, try to be objective. This is where I try to exercise my Theory of Mind. When you disagree with someone, get away for a bit and try to see their side of things. When asked about some dispute, and you are not positive that you will be able to be purely objective in describing just the facts, then decline to comment on it. No one likes a gossip.

6. Do what you're supposed to. Especially on the job. Even if no one's watching, do what you were hired for. You will never get any credit for it, but that doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do.


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Fnord
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07 Sep 2008, 9:36 pm

greenblue wrote:
ShawnWilliam wrote:
Fnord, is that really a code you follow day-to-day?..

I do.

Me too ... when religion fails, you gotta make it up on your own.



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07 Sep 2008, 9:43 pm

Fnord wrote:
greenblue wrote:
ShawnWilliam wrote:
Fnord, is that really a code you follow day-to-day?..

I do.

Me too ... when religion fails, you gotta make it up on your own.

I usually don't let religion to influence me, otherwise I wouldn't enjoy things they consider bad :P


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07 Sep 2008, 10:06 pm

greenblue wrote:
Fnord wrote:
greenblue wrote:
ShawnWilliam wrote:
Fnord, is that really a code you follow day-to-day?..

I do.

Me too ... when religion fails, you gotta make it up on your own.

I usually don't let religion to influence me, otherwise I wouldn't enjoy things they consider bad :P

You mean ... things that might involve having fun?

Puritan (n): 1. One who despises pornography; not because it is demeaning to women, but because it gives pleasure to the person viewing it; 2. One who feels a sense of quietly desperate indignation due to the fact that somewhere someone may be having fun.



greenblue
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07 Sep 2008, 10:20 pm

Fnord wrote:
You mean ... things that might involve having fun?

Yes. Trying to live a life like that would be painful, not only when it comes to porn but I imagine other things as well, even though some people are happy like that, I believe I wouldn't, with such restrictions.

Quote:
Puritan (n): 1. One who despises pornography; not because it is demeaning to women, but because it gives pleasure to the person viewing it; 2. One who feels a sense of quietly desperate indignation due to the fact that somewhere someone may be having fun.

Well, maybe there is another religion in which sex is part of their ritual ;)


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kerrissteen
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07 Sep 2008, 10:39 pm

Nan, nicely said!



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19 Sep 2008, 10:29 pm

Always prefer truth over comfort. Wishful thinking and lame consolations won't get you anywhere.

When in doubt, make the choice you can live with. It's not about right and wrong; it's about being honest to yourself.

If you have friends, be a friend to them. Show them respect and loyalty.

Don't waste your best side on people who don't appreciate it. Some people just aren't worth the effort.

Let people make their own choices. Having your freedom means nothing if you don't respect it in others.



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20 Sep 2008, 2:11 pm

Mine are:

Never lie.

Always treat others as you want to be treated.

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