What is it with Aspies When Confronted?

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Not saying or stating all of them are like this but online there's seems to be a number of them who take things on such a personal level that instead of confronting their target they make a bunch of boards about them.

I realize in the internet world nothing is secret but to some degree, I don't understand it. I've had number of members who aren't AS confront me about stuff I might have said or what was on their mind.

Are we more passive aggressive or two-faced than NTs as a majority when it comes to conflicts? If so why?

I too have this problem but am working on it. I hope this question doesn't pose as an insult to all ppl on the autism spectrum for that is not the intention.

Hmm..... well, when someone does something to spite me, I can't get it out of my head. I keep replaying what they did over and over, and it becomes all I can think about and the more I think about it the more furious I get. I think I annoy people at times bitching and moaning about all my problems, but I feel like if I don't talk about it I'll explode most times. The exception to this is if someone does something, and I feel I got my revenge by something I say or did back to them right away. Then I'm satisfied and it doesn't bother me. This is childish I know, but it's just how I am.

Oh I've had many.

Not into forum fights since this is a support site.

many? WTH

I think that is what some Aspies do. Meaning, instead of direct confrontation, some Aspies chose to voice their dissatisfaction with another indirectly by saying something to someone else and hoping that the word gets around. I think the sense of having others come to your defense may be behind some of this especially for someone that does not have or feels like they do not have anyone defending them.

I am guilty of doing this myself in the past and think it happens mostly when I feel that I have been wronged by someone else. But NTs do this also. It could be the difference between a confrontation based on a perceived personal attack vs. a confrontation based on a belief.

It also could be a response to what Fidget is saying. I too have a hard problem thinking about other things when someone wrongs me and maybe the use of a 3rd party to vent or communicate is a method to get the brain to move along to something else.

We are told not to "wear our emotions on our sleeve" and that may translate into being a little more passive than usual when a direct line is more apt.

Good question.

Now I'm going to start 5 discussions about passive/aggressiveness with different catchy titles. Just Kidding.

Makes more sense to me since I'm no good with wearing my emotions on my sleeves and can never tell if I am percieving that person as angry or not. When I do, I freak out espeacially if I don't know what it's about.

I try to confront them in a calm and collected way whenever possible.

Well, I'm really avoidant of direct conflict, so when I have a problem with someone, I'll mention it to someone else when they're not around, which, when the person I have a problem with hears about it, generally leads to me being accused of being two-faced.
I mean, I guess that is two-faced behaviour, but if someone bothers me in any way, I'm not going to tell them directly because I really really don't want any fights or arguments.
Of course my two-facedness also causes people to say I'm "nice", but that's just because I'm never mean or bitchy to them directly, aside from jokingly.

According to my psychologist, aspies can be pretty stubborn when confronted, and will often refuse to admit any mistake on their part, regardless of how obviously wrong they are. I can't remember exactly what reason he gave for it; I think it has something to do with having difficulty processing verbal information and having a quite onetrack mind.

^I have that too. I only started to realize this problem when I had members in my anger management class bring this error up with me. I was pissed b/c I'm usually right but seeing it from another perspective helped me understand hypocrisy better.

I'm wondering if aspies tend to take things to such a literal level that it's hard to even see one's own fault in such a discourse that wasn't a discourse to begin with.

It does sound petty and manipulative. I guess aspies and NT's aren't so different. Whenever someone says something so broad that is finger pointing in nature, I can't help but think it's directed at me because I'm so used to getting in trouble. Feels like school again.

Think of verbal confrontation like pro boxing. NT's are natural pros (generally speaking, of course) and AS's are just Joes (and Joannes) off-the-street.

Being a regular Joanne, it would be natural for you to want to flee if you suddenly saw yourself in the ring with a pro; but maybe your friend is also a pro (i.e. an NT) and thus they would have a better chance. So, with that, why not tell your friend that someone is trying to beat up on you? Makes sense to me.


On a side note, I think Aspies can be very stubborn and convince themeselves they are correct; not to be decietful, but because we usually say what we know and know what we say --we're just sometimes wrong, unfortunately. SO, using my example above, if this were WWF wrestling, we would be, say, someone called The Brick Wall. This guy would never have to fight, he would just defeat his enimies by standing there and letting them exhaust themselves... think about it.