Why do they act as if I do not exsist?

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Why am I invisible to everyone but my family? It's always someone else they are talking about, because someone else is always doing something, just because I don't do anything but the computer does not mean I don't deserve attention and just because I do not know how to make any friends does not mean I don't deserve any. They always have some type of group they are involved in, I'm too scared. No one knows me and never will. I cannot socialize with any of them, but it's just me that they avoid, why do I even care of bother going somewhere if I'm just an invisible leper and the other people do not have to say a word and they are the center of attention? Plus I know they are calling me weird, just because I'm not like them.

well, it may be because:


you have to actually do something in order to be noticed. nobody notices the people who just sit back and wait to be seen.


if your only means of interacting with people is through an internet connection, they will never get the chance to experience your personality. all they will ever know about you is how well you spell, how deep your grammar is, how often you use punctuation (and CAPITAL LETTERS), and whether you can construct a meaningful essay or just post an angry rant. you may as well be just a substitute english teacher or a librarian.


find common interests - ones that either require group effort, or that allow non-related verbal communication (relating).
listen to people - not just their words but to the feelings behind them (empathize).
ask leading questions of a non-confrontational and non-controversial nature (small talk). remember what people tell you about themselves, especially their names (more relating).


it is scary. i had to learn to take the risks anyway. i have been rejected by more girls (and later, women) than i thought could even exist. rejection is scary and depressing - at first. sooner or later, you learn to ignore the rejection and eventally laugh at it. it is also difficult - at first. but sooner or later you also learn the techniques that make approaching others easy.


i suggest that you start by volunteering for some group project, doing something that does not require you to "take center stage" - or even be "on stage". do this often enough and you will gain the reputation for being helpful. people like that. you may soon find them coming to you to ask you for your help.

smiling is also a plus - even when you are not smiling at anyone. learn to wear a smile when you are engaged in some trivial task. people will notice that you seem to be a cheerful person, and they will like that too.


guess what? neither are they!

it is all an act - and a dance. watch how popular people act and move about. yes, most of what they say seems superficial, but the very superficiality is what makes their words non-threatening. you can also tell who is popular by how they move about a crowded room - and by the simple fact that they keep moving! they do not park themselves in a corner or hide behind a book (or computer). they keep circulating - they mingle.

and you don't have to say anything. just move about and smile - especially at anybody that looks interesting. if they smile back, then you have made contact! if not, then move along to the next interesting person.

you can do it.

Last edited by iMark on 06 May 2009, 7:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

you are probably just too young. i've been there, i remember well how i used to be invisible to people, even to 'good friends'. but it did improve with the age you are good at computers, so use it to become someone in the field and they will respect you. and for now you probably need to find a group sharing the same interests.

I try to look at people and smile or be nice but looking at them doesn't feel right. I mean involved in something, I could be in a computer group, people are in other things and people are nice to them, I am always afraid I might say the wrong thing if I try to talk to someone, something they misunderstand and decide they don't like me.

are you interested in being noticed or in only making excuses?

you have to keep trying!

Actually I just want to be safe..if it's safe to be noticed it's okay then I guess.

I understand completely, and some people have only had safe enviroments to live in. They push and prod for people to come out in the world that they know, but don't really know the world that you live in. They don't know what smiles can attract in your world.

Merle

If you do want to make friends then sometimes you do have to move out of your comfort zone.

It's true. Friendship involves risk.

Most people around us are oblivious, as oblivious as they think we are. They think we don't notice things because we don't notice what they usually do. We notice too danged much, more than they do about a lot of things. So in expecting them to notice what we're feeling or that we're there when we don't seek attention or tell them we need it, well, it's like them expecting us to guess what they're thinking based upon whether they blink a certain number of times or whatever their little face language is.

I understand, though. I want to be fair. But it makes me angry too. Even when I understand, or don't blame them, or don't see how they could have known there was a problem, it makes me angry. That's the hardest part. I can't control them. The real fight is to stop being angry. I wish I'd mastered it by now.

I know this is hard, especially when you are young, but what other people think of you shouldn't matter as much as what you think of yourself.

Once you start to accept yourself as who you are, you will grow more comfortable in your own skin. Other people will notice that. By retreating into yourself, you are not giving others the opportunity to see how who you are. They can't possible know you if you don't share yourself.

I understand though, I was the same exact way. When I was in school, I used to hide in the bathroom at lunch so I wouldn't have to interact with people. I wanted so badly to be part of something, but had no idea how to go about it. I still get a little overwhelmed when there are a lot of people around, but I try to remind myself that other people get nervous just like me. How do you feel when you are around someone who will not speak to you?

You have to believe in yourself if you want others to believe in you. List some things about yourself that you like, and focus on letting those traits shine through. You don't have to be like someone else to be cool, because there is no one else like you. Just a thought.

i suppose there is a particular type of safety in being alone. the same type of safety can be had by never loving or being loved, as it risks a broken heart. better to never grow up or realize one's full potential, as it can lead to failure. ultimately, this type of safety can be found by never being happy because it risks being sad.

iMark,
I suppose there is some sort of satisfaction you get from suggesting the deaf are just avoiding listening because what they hear might not be pleasant to them. Or suggesting the blind might just not be willing to see because not all in life is a pleasant sight. Your 'one size fits all' perscription for happiness only points out how you don't understand the neurological condition of the forum on which you are posting.

However I trust the WrongPlanet members to give you the understanding you deserve.

Merle

where did that come from? i said nothing about deaf or blind people!

i am trying to be encouraging and to point out where a little effort in the right direction might help the op.

maybe i am completely ignorant of what the op's condition is all about. maybe an honest and forthright opinion simply is not welcome here. maybe it is time for me to leave and seek out a less hostile environment. thank you for showing me the way.

good bye.

Thank you. As you never responded to my first warning (that I did you the courtesy of being private) then now you understand that WP feels uncomfortable about you being here.

Merle
Moderator

I'm sorry

me too, as this user has been banned before.

Merle