Unsure what to do.

Post Reply New Topic

I have this friend that I've been friends with since I was 12ish, she moved away when I was 14 and we mainly email each other.

About a year and a half ago she was in a right state and had become very depressed and I helped her out, knowing what she was going through as I've been severely depressed since I was 9 (obviously our curcumstance are different, but as someone who's been depressed I know what people say and how that affects you and I know what I would have wanted to have been told.) ]

She said that what I told her really helped her, And said she was going to stay with her uncle in Wales for a while and could I come see her. I said I would (which is a big deal for me since I'm agorophobic, but I was willing to endure the stress to make sure she was alright) I told her that I would need to know all the details in advance though.

Then suddenly I couldn't seem to get a hold of her. As the time she would be in Wales got nearer and nearer I Emailed her saying that if she has changed her mind I would understand but if she could just reply to my email letting me know one way or the other. I never got a response. The time went and past. I have yet to get an email from her since although I did get a Fwd from her that looked like she just put all her contact on it.

Now I didn't have regular internet access until a couple of month ago. But when I got my internet up and running from the times she logs on according to my messenger thing, she's back where she lives and on the internet but I haven't heard from her.

The thing is, after so many emails I'm reluctant to yet again email her, and honestly have no ide what to say to her, I don't want to upset her, but at the same time I'm really angry and pissed off. But since I've been friends with her for so long there's a part of me that wants to believe I'm the one thats misreading things.

Though it's been over a year since I've heard from her, she's my only friend and I've not removed her from my contacts, and I feel guilty about hiding the fact I'm online, But I'm afraid that I don't know what to say to her.

What do I do?, and if I email her what do I say?, and what if she doesn't respond?

I have a very close friend I have been friends with for over 20 years. We from time to time go almost a year without talking to each other for various reasons. We live far apart for one thing, and we both have lives and families that take up all of our time. We both understand that we have these times, and don't take them personally..we have talked about this very thing. We always hook up eventually and we know that.

Maybe something has happened that you don't know about. Maybe she thinks you are upset with her, or she is upset with you for some unknown reason. If you never contact her, you will never give her, or yourself the opportunity to learn what may have happened or fix what may be broken. If you never contact her you may lose something that is valuable to both of you because of a missunderstanding. My suggestion is to contact her and keep it light. Hi, I haven't heard from you in a long time, is everything OK? and go from there.

Good Luck!

Thank you,

I know I should but the thing is right now I'm in a postion where if I don't email her I can assume we are still friends.

The thing is I went over my emails sent to her (the last one in march of this year) they were all saying, are you okay, have I don't something wrong, I haven't heard from you, If I've upset you can you let me know. and finally can you just email me to let me know you ok.

Now maybe she hasn't got these emails, let say. What annoys me, is why hasn't she email me to ask if I'm alright, asking why I haven't emailed her, all the things that I've been doing, the reason she may not have got my emails is that she has had to email addresses and they're both in my contacts. But I've only ever had one and I know I'm one of her contacts.

It just seems like I'm the one doing all the work to keep the relationship alive, and that make me angry and upset, and I'm afraid If I contact her all that will come out and definately destroy our relationship.

This is the kind of very weird stories my life is full of. Beats me why we're people who can't keep relationships. I mean, if we can make friendships and keep them for some time, why can't we keep them after a certain point? What happens at a certain point that makes the person change their mind so radically that they won't even answer an email? It's a huge mystery to me... And it's no use asking them, they either don't know the reason consciously or they don't want to talk about it.

I think you have to come to terms with the fact that she's not a friend anymore, that she's cut contact with you. It will hurt for some time and will always remain as a sad memory, but I think it's better than trying to avoid reality in the end. You're a person too, and you deserve friends who care about your feelings enough to at least let you know they're ok if you're worried about them. It's the least you can expect from someone to call them a friend.

The thing is, if I'm honest with myself I don't feel sad about the friendship ending. I feel guilty that I haven't contacted her. I know logically if someone else had asked me about this situation I would say that I'm in the right here.

If she really cared about keeping the friendship going she would be emailing me, regardless of whether I'd got her Email address right asking why *I* haven't written to her.

It's not healthy but I always assume that I'm in the wrong, that there's something I've done.

But if there is then why when I emailed her asking if I had done something wrong did she not tell me.

I just want to know what it is so I can correct it.

The only thing I can think of that might have put her off, is I had mentioned that I suspected that I has Aspergers, she said she hoped I'd get better and I responded that since it's a Syndrome its not really something that gets better.

That was the last I heard from her.

I've the situation was refersed and she was emailing me asking what was wrong, no matter how bad it was, I'd let her know so she could have some form of closure.

She's always been so nice I can't understand her reacting this way.

Because I like I said above, she has/had two email addresses. both had her name, then the email address.

Example: [email protected] and [email protected] (this isn't her email address)

It's possible I sent the emails to a wrong address that she no longer uses.

The only thing that keeps me from enquiring into this, is that even if I had, shouldn't she have emailed me somewhere in between august 2007-march 2008 (the time I was emailling her) to ask why I hadn't emailed her as to what was happening about Wales, or at least to ask if I'm ok.

I am social phobic, so I can understand her wanting to cut off contact without letting me know. But the thing is despite how much I hate confrontation, if someone was emailing me to ask why I wasn't responding I would get over it, just to give them closure.

As far as I can see one of two things has happened:

1. She didn't get my emails, in which case the last email she would have got was me mentioning my potential AS.(that's the last one I knew got through, and since all the other emails I have sent are saved I know they were all sent to the same address) Which means the last email she sent was the one regarding me going to Wales where all seemed fine. I had not offended her since her email was friendly, and I couldn't then offend her if she didn't recieve any more.

In which case wouldn't she have emailed me to ask why she hadn't recieved any word from me regarding what we talked about? How come she isn't the one asking if she has done something wrong, being the last person to, as far as she's aware send an email?

or 2. She recieved my emails and is ignoring them, in which case why is a perfectly nice and friendly person (previously), ignoring me? Why not send an email after the second one to ask me not to email her, or tell me what I've done wrong.

It doesn't make sense no matter what why I try to explain it to myself. So the only thing I can conclude is there's something wrong with my reasoning, in which case maybe I'm in the wrong not emailing her and hiding the fact I'm online.