Socially appropriate things to say when meeting a new group

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Hi,

I've recently landed myself in trouble saying the wrong thing (again). I didn't realise I was saying the wrong thing until the whole table pretty much deserted me. Anyways, I was amongst a group of people that I'd never met, with a couple of people I vaguely recognised and one person I do know. The rest were all his friends.

It seems that the subject of nuclear war, and in particular being "pro nuclear war", are things that should be talked about in a pub amongst a group of people you've never met before. I tried explaining I've not got a death wish and I don't particularly want to see them die, but the world is overpopulated and perhaps a nuclear war wouldn't be such a bad thing in the grand scheme of things. This seemed to cause a lot of controversy. Anyways, I guess I totally failed to gauge when to drop the subject and eventually annoyed everyone else, as I've been told that my mate is now pissed off with me.

So what exactly is wrong with the subject? and how do I apologise to my mate? (I've not been diagnosed with As or HFA, I'm just socially inept with people)

Any ideas or pointers for conversations and opinions I should stick with would be helpful. I'm just pretty sick of being the person saying stupid things and being the social outcast.

Proudly, I am a master at saying what is not to be said. I happily take all subjects, one too far. Oh well. I am me and that is the end of that.

Goodluck. I have not found any way to not be me, it is a born in thing, as much as I might sometimes hope. People do try to like me, HA! I am learning though.

I really don't understand why that subject is "wrong" either.


I'm extremely shy around other people, so the only time I have a problem with things like this is around my family. The other day in the store I guess I was talking about how easy it would be to steal a particular product a bit too loudly, my mom was really mad at me for that. I still don't understand why, I wasn't going to steal anything, I just observed how easy it would be to steal whatever it was I seen and wouldn't shut up about it. =p

Yes, the world is overpopulated.

Sane, decent people don't like to see other people die.

What's the solution? How does one address the problems of overpopulation and resource overuse while remaining sane and decent?

One risks being taken seriously when making jokes about wanting nuclear war.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f12_1221775542

Well, it's a bit extreme, literally throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Killing millions can come across as hard-hearted...

topics preceeded by "pro" or "anti" tend to be polarizing, and when you are in unfamiliar company, you can't anticipate which side people are going to take.

there are also group dynamics to consider. if one person reacts with strong disagreement to what another has said, it seems that the rest of the group, at least those who do not have a strong opinion one way or the other, will tend to fall in line with the disagreeing person rather than risk being persecuted themselves. ideally, they would all have been inclined to have a civil exchange of ideas and to feel out your perspective, try to find out why you've come to your opinion and share why they've come to theirs. but it seems to either be easier or more entertaining for people in groups to attack than to try to figure out where those with a differing opinion are coming from. being a stranger in the group probably made it easier for them to choose to attack rather than attempt understanding.

and this is the problem with groups. even in a trio it's easy for one person to be attacked viciously by the other two for a simple difference of opinion. from an early age, i learned that i said and did things that were wrong, and my life-long defense has been to keep my mouth shut. excessively so. if socializing is of great concern to you, then being well versed in a wide range of benign popular topics is probably advisable. i have no interest in this myself, so i just look for those somewhat rare people who seem to "get" the world in the same way i do. the rest get mostly silence from me.

ps. is the problem that the world is overpopulated, or is it that the world's resources are grossly unevenly distributed among the population? i don't want to hijack the thread so if you are interested in a thoughtful one-on-one discussion, pm me.

I think the issue is that a nuclear holocaust causes huge amounts of suffering. I love the idea of decreasing human population by about five billion people, but I'd much rather see that happen by people simply choosing not to have so many babies. A nuclear war would cause huge amounts of suffering for the survivors, for generations to come, on many different levels. You are sane and decent, but it sounds like you were thinking of it in overly simplistic terms, and the people in the group were thinking of the intense suffering.

That and all the radioactive fallout would be bad for the tigers and also for the sharks.

People FEAR what they dont UNDERSTAND. And what they dont understand, They try to destroy.

Besides, you did just try to justify the death of millions of people. For most of us here, we'd try to see what you're trying to say. For most of them tho, you're just some crazy genocidal maniac.

Dont learn not to cross borders and boundries(its essential for the betterment of the world). Instead learn how to do it in a more social manner. You have to watch HOW you say the words, most humans in general barely hear the words you say at first. They hear your inflection first, then decipher what they heard secondly.

Politics, morality and perhaps religion are subjects to be avoided when you are unsure of how people in your company will take them. Especially when you have a lot to say about them and can possibly go on for ages.

I'm sure you are both sane and decent, Oddbod, but your approach to the subject is likely to alienate people. The subject of nuclear weapons and war is a huge one with many facets- historical, technological, strategic. Perhaps approaching the subject from another angle will enable you to communicate your interest to others without alienating them.

On a personal level you might like to read 'The Postman of Nagasaki'- an account of a man who was exposed to the atomic blast at Nagasaki and survived.

Magliabechi.

Some things not to say:

" I stoped taking my medication today, homocidial urges be damned."

" I had a floater when i went to the bathroom this morning."

" Don't you hate it when you go to wipe your butt after you go to the bathroom and the toliet paper gets stuck in your butt and you have to pick it out?"


Those are a few things not to say. Hope it helps.

if you are in a topic that is pro or anti and you want to make an impression then be moderate. Say you haven't made up your mind or you are not sure.

for me I am naturally moderate which mean either everyone will agree with me, or everyone will hate me... depending on the topic at hand.