I crave friends/companionship but I give up

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I crave company and friendship some of the time, but most people just aren't worth knowing (no offence; I'm speaking from experience).

I consider myself to have three or possibly four friends.

I have more, but we're hardly in contact at all.

I see them rarely because two have moved to university and the other two I see once a week, if that, because I only see them at the pub quiz I go to.

My best friend - the one I see the most by far - is being really unfair. She's never on time and doesn't care. When I'm given a time to be somewhere, I try hard to honour that and I expect others to do the same. I feel bad if I am even five or ten minutes late and always apologise and mean it. Once I waited for about two hours and she didn't turn up. Turns out she 'lost track of time' at a friend's house. On Wednesday she was late when I specifically told her three times she had to be at home at 7:30 to be picked up because I had to pick someone else up as well. She was half an hour away in the city centre and just found it funny when I phoned her (again she said 'sorry', but she didn't sound like she meant it). Yesterday we went to town together and she got a phone call and she spent over half an hour speaking to someone on her mobile phone while standing in this one shop (I felt sorry for the other customers who had to hear the intimate details of someone's messed-up relationship - something she never used to be interested in). I ended up walking off to get the bus home on my own, although she did phone me just as I got there and caught up with me to ride home with me. Her excuse was that the person who had phoned her was 'depressed' because he was all alone in the university halls of residence back in Aberystwyth (everyone else was home for the holidays) and that she couldn't just put the phone down. Well, no, but surely even a ten minute phone call would have sufficed and then a longer (more private!) phonecall could have been made later at home.

Anyway, she's just messing me around because she's now got loads of friends and she knows (thinks) I won't just not be her friend any more.

But I give up with friends.

i also gave up. my life is fine now for now, i hope to change that when i settle down.

i, too, don't like people being late. once i had to be waiting for one girl half an hour right next to her building. all she needed to do was to take the lift down. she lost track of time. it's hard to make me angry but that time i rarely spoke to her when we went out after. she spoke a lot anyway, maybe she didn't even notice.

well, we just have to get used to the fact that there are planty of irresponsible people out there. and try to live in south europe, coming on time is considered strange behaviour.

Is that true or a stereotype/misconception? If it's true, that's so weird (and stupid) it makes my brain hurt

i lived there for almost six years. after some time, waiting became my hobby, i learned to enjoy it.

what i never understood was when foreigners accepted the philosophy and applied it on me too. ok, be late if you know that the others are going to be late, but if you know that i am everywhere five minutes before, be on time or at least send me an sms that you are going to be late.

but this thread should not be about that

i have never been interested in other people except to get my point across to someone in the universe at least.
i have things to say and it would be nice to have listeners, but even if i do not get listeners, i still have those things to say.

so it is not that the listeners give me things to say, but it is that listeners give me a reason to think it.

without an interested listener, then all the words that my mind can craft are in vain.

but it does not really matter whether they are in vain or not. i still think that way.

i never could pair up and devote part of my existence to another person.

i never lost that sensation of "yipee!! ! i am home alone!!" when i became an adult and rented my first house.
i do never want to be restricted in what i please do do again (like when i was a child with obligations to make others happy)

girls that like me like me because of my skin and not my mind.
i do not identify with their desires.

so anyway, the thing is you should love yourself and be grateful that you are always in your own company.
that will be a happiness that even apparently secure and popular NT's admire and wish they had.

but as much as they wish they had it, they still try to smash it in me, and make me want them more than me.

i can not want to be with anyone more than i want to be with me, so they can never get what they want from me (which is surrender and devotion).

there is a girl who is precisely compatible with me in this world, but i know i will never meet her, because i would have to meet every girl on earth to know it is her.

many people simply want sex, and they cloak their desire in romantic drivel.
i am averse to people who just want my physicality, and make feeble excuses to get it.

Thank you for sharing that b9.

yes, b9, it was very well writen, i see it the same way.

I wish I could have been happy alone, but I just wasn't. Tried it. Luckily, we're free to change our minds, and the only requirement is to find what works for oneself.

With people who are late, you can either accept it or reject it. Mostly I'd reject it, though I did have one friend who was chronically late with everything, and I just accepted her because I valued her quite a bit.

Last edited by Ladarzak on 19 Dec 2008, 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I want relationships myself, but I'm not giving up. There are great people I am getting to know, whether or they are online friends or not. I really try not to dislike other people and sometimes I just wish I could forgive some of these people that have hurt me and betrayed me badly in the past. When I just thought I have forgiven someone, the memory comes back and I get mad at them all over again. I hate being human, I hate being a mortal, and I hate it when people dismiss my heartaches and pains and say, "That's just teenage stuff, you'll get over it."



Side note: Boy, my writing is everywhere and jibberish. Sorry about that, I'm still not over this loneliness thing.

(I also skip words every time I write )

Same. I can do things on my own, but I don't like myself enough to enjoy my own company (that sounds like I'm saying that people who enjoy their own company are narcissists/egotists but I do NOT mean that - I just mean I don't like myself much).


I know, I could try and accept it - after all I have faults too, but it's the way she just doesn't seem to care even if she's two hours late and wouldn't have come if I hadn't phoned her.

Ah this is a classic case of mental over physical. You don't need to have many friends and once a week/ every fortnight is plenty. However I understand that many people want more than that. I have a very good friendship with my two friends I see them about every fortnight on average. One of them is somebody who usually can't bear to be alone for a second. However he has plenty of people he can ask to go out with. He has got better recently though. They are both fairly busy with their lives anyway so that suits me.

I would ask yourself what you want in a friendship and whether you are getting it. You clearly are around people, but you might not be close. I does take some time. It was a big learning curve for me. The main is resisting the urge to panic and pre-empt rejection.

Loneliness is not proportional to the number of friends. Some people have loads of friends but they are never satisfied. Quality is much more important then quantity.

Might I suggest not putting all your eggs in one basket if you are lonely. Not all people you meet will make close friends, most of them won't but it is good experience, and occasional friends are good too. (I remember when I didn't realise there was different types of friends, had to have it explained to me)

B9 that is exactly how I feel. I just want online friends. I could care less if I had real life friends or not. I do have a few real life friends, but they are away at college. And besides, they don't really count as friends, but merely "close acquaintances." My best friends are books and abstract concepts.

Get a pet. They're the best companions you can have and never critisize you for you lack of social skills or obessions.

I'd love a pet

Or manicans to talk to, then it would be almost like I AM LEGEND.

i have a pet =] good company too.