Successful and/or interesting folks please share with me.

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I am 30 years old. I only recently learned of AS. My last girlfriend who was around special ed kids at the school she worked at once exasperatedly asked if I was autistic or something. I thought she was just trying to hurt my feelings, but I've since recalled that instant and realized she was just really exasperated with trying to relate with me. It wasn't till last year when a friend I'd been travelling with who has a degree in psychology suggested that I might have asperger's. He was also saying it in exasperation, but I could tell he was being serious so I looked it up. It was an epiphanic experience.

I would very much like to hear about the experience of AS people who are successful and/or interesting. I haven't found a whole lot I like about this forum thing, but I joined anyway because I have no one of any real connection in my life and I've allowed myself to be a victim of my disfunction. I know there are plenty of successful AS people out there so I can be one of them. By success I don't refer to making plenty money, but to achieving what one has set out to achieve, if it's making money or even if it is being interesting for its own sake.

I'm not interested in the politics of whether AS is a disability or just a different way to be. That's just semantics. AS has contributed to disabling me and I want to stop it and learn to function with it. I'm hopeful that this new knowledge will help me out.

I'm kind of successful. I have completed my PhD without having a criminal record! I'm behind in areas of job experience, networking and relationships, though. Other people I know can juggle school, work, family, etc. but I have to focus on finishing one thing at a time. On the other hand, for the things I do I am way ahead of everyone else, even people who work in my specialized field.

Functioning, for me, took making some choices. I have to accept that others are not going to inherently 'get me' and that my efforts to correct this are often futile and effort that could have been better spent simply moving forward. I've taught high school, owned and operated two vastly different businesses, and will be getting married in about 18 months. Right now, I feel like I'm on top of the world, and still have a lot of work to do. There is a fine line between being aware, and being an apologist. Learning how you are different is the first step; choosing what matters then becomes the main issue.


M.

i feel successful, too. i have phd and work as a researcher at university, traveled and lived in many countries, but on the other side never had a girlfriend. so, was it worth it? well, i guess it was, i wouldn't get a gf anyway

Do you suppose that one would have a reason to even care at all about the features of mild AS if we had an easier time getting girlfriends? All the other stuff isn't really that much of a problem for me, but I do feel insecure about not having relationship experience, and anxious that the choice to get married and have children will remain unavailable. Choosing not to do these things is one thing, not having that choice is another.

yeah, i know too well where you come from. there are people with no problems to get a gf and yet they live pretty miserable unsuccessful lives with their equally disturbed girlfriends but they have no diagnoses they are considered normal. i am not sure now what is better.

I think I'm interesting. I work to raise awareness of the importance of play in children's lives for learning as well as many other developmental and social reasons. I've worked in the "corporate world" for many years and held repsonsible positions, but I never really fitted in as I felt that I needed to be challenged more and got bored easily. I was also a bit of a social misfit. I was still financially successful even with AS. I enjoy creating things for myself and my family out of materials I find lying around. I read and write and I have an opinion on many topics. I enjoy sharing my opinions, though it is sometimes frowned upon by the more "conservative" people in my family! Lol

Maybe you need to look around the forums more to find topics that interest you, or create your own if you think the ones listed are boring

Well I have a PhD, I have a NT wife and I have a job which I like.

I have no idea why sgrannel suggested that getting a PhD without getting a criminal record is something noteworthy, by the way I have not got a criminal record.

My success has always stemmed from my talents and/or abilities (and my tendency to over-achieve.) I've always tried to look for areas outside the mainstream on which to focus my efforts.

As a percussionist & music education student, I spent the majority of my time focused on marimba - partly because I wanted a melodic instrument & partly because no one else was doing it. Where I couldn't find an alternate path (e.g. my extremely short career as a high school band director), I changed careers (e.g. enlisted in the Army.)

During my Army career, luck played a huge part - I got a posting to a very special international military band in Belgium, playing a wide variety of musical styles & touring all over northern Europe.

My decision to transition back to civilian life threw me a curve (I had no idea about AS at the time.) It turned out that I was extremely unsuited for the social interactions & networking that was required to make a career as a professional (civilian) musician. I worked a dead-end job at a music store for a few years, while I re-trained in CAD/Mechanical Design.

For the last 15 years, I've been quite successful in the world of Technical Illustration/3D modeling. My particular niche is being the resident software expert & liaison with my company's CAD software provider. People come to me when they need help to do their job. Because of that, I get a lot of respect - even if no one sees me as a "friend."

I'm also on the board of directors (and one of the founders) of a non-profit youth organization, located in the town where I grew up.

Socially, I haven't been nearly as successful. I'm an outsider. The last time I had a girlfriend was almost 30 years ago.

Since I was diagnosed a couple months ago, my focus has been on learning to make friends & connect with people. I'm making an effort. Knowing about AS & all the asocial tendencies that seem to be hard-wired in my brain has been immensely helpful & enlightening to me. I no longer feel that the situation is hopeless.

Interesting, Z - I am a percussionist (marimba as major instrument) who is completing studies in theory/composition and education. While I consider military (briefly), my health prevented the option so I veered to antiques instead. And my first degree is in digital animation and production... seems there are several similarities there.


M.

Marimbists rule!

(I used to be almost militant about the marimba back when I was in college. Really had to fight to raise "marimba awareness" back then - the late '70s.)

I have been quite successful in my career. I think what helped, also, was that my career was my special interest, so I felt compelled to do it and that spurred me on when times were rough. Even before I knew about AS, I could tell that I had to work harder than everyone else to accomplish the same things, but I can do it. As someone already mentioned, I can´t juggle a lot, like other people; I seem to have to focus and put all my energies on one thing at a time. I have had a good career (involving dance and theater), and I live in a foreign country. I have friends. I don´t go out much, but I have the right amount of social life for me.

The one thing that never worked out for me was a relationship. I´ve pretty much accepted the fact that that probably won´t happen, though I guess you never know. I almost never have relationships, and when I do, they´re usually disastrous. At this point, that´s the area where my problems still remain most acute. I try to focus on spirituality, rather than dwelling on what I don´t have...(though I do some dwelling, I guess... )

But, I am basically happy.

I think Morgana is also successful due in part to her magic spells. I mean, cross an Arthurian era sorceress with Sorceress Edea and nothing can stand against that.

I want to weigh in to give a more direct answer to your post. I feel that you don't want to just hear about who is successful but also relate that to yourself and how you can use the knowledge to benefit you in handling AS. I think you are fortunate to be diagnosed older rather than younger. This has forced you to observe the NTs and strive very hard to be more like them. NOTE: I leave politics out of this statement as well as to whether it is better to 'fit into their world' or not, I am simply addressing your post from the perspective that you seem to WANT to fit in with the NT world more successfully in order to partake of a measure of the success you are seeking. If you had been diagnosed at a younger age, you would have run the risk of not striving as hard or (hopefully not, this doesn't happen to everyone I've read about here) falling into the pit of 'I have AS and therefore I will never be normal so why try'. Stay away from the edge of that pit. Far away.

As for my personal experience, I only found my own brand of success when I aligned my vocation and my avocation. As an AS, you very likely have some special area of interest. Maybe more than one? Perhaps you never took it seriously because you always considered it a hobby? If you are interested in this kind of 'success', maybe lining these things up is key to your happiness?

The point is to never stop trying. This is what you want, so keep going towards it. It will never get any easier for you, but it will get better. I for one will be rooting for you

I think the bottom line is: how do you define success?

You state that it's not necessarily about making money, or being interesting for its own sake, but more about achieving what one has set out to achieve.

I'd argue that even that is subjective.

How does one measure one's achievements?

Getting a degree and getting a job? But what subject? From a high quality university? What kind of job? A McJob? Or a high flying executive position? Or something in between?

Again, it's all about the spectrum.

For some Aspies, success might be leaving their parental home, whether that's to live in supported accommodation or to live independently. That might be a huge achievement for some people on the spectrum.

For others, it might be to win a Nobel prize for economics like Vernon Smith, or to establish a globally successful company like, allegedly, Bill Gates.

Personally speaking, I don't really know the answer, I don't know whether or not I'm successful, whether or not I've achieved my aims, because my aims are fluid and subjective.

While at school, I originally wanted to be a pilot in the air force, but at the time restrictions applied against females flying, even in non combat roles, and I was too short to meet their height restrictions anyway. Fail.

So then I decided I wanted to study electrical engineering, to be a flight controller or aviation engineer or something. I studied for a couple of years, but I had some terrible family problems before some end of year exams, which I then flunked. I was supposed to resit the exams the following year, but an administration cock up meant I hadn't been entered for the exams, so I couldn't sit them. Fail.

So I drifted into office work, temping in admin roles to pay my rent and bills. I sometimes had some quite interesting jobs in interesting organisations, but I did a lot of mindblowingly boring stuff as well, which I happened to be quite good at, because the companies I temped for kept offering me permanent jobs. Fail? Or success?

And in my 20s in my spare time, I also became involved in campaigning with an anti-racism organisation, and I did some voluntary work for a law centre that specialised in immigration, housing, and welfare rights, and I decided that I wanted to study law, so I got a part time job as a secretary for a law firm, and enrolled on the first year of a law degree, and then got a full time job as a legal secretary, on top of my law studies. On the road to success?

While all that was happening with paid employment and my 'hobbies' of voluntary work and campaigning, I had also ended up in a relationship and was living with someone. Success!

But then my bf at the time moved due to his work, and we split up. Fail.

And I applied for a better position in a different city and moved. Success!

But then I found out that the course structure was slightly different and I couldn't transfer my studies, and I would have to start again. Fail.

And a house me and my ex had together was sold and I went travelling with my share of the profits. And I ended up getting a job in a different field, which I thought was a fun holiday job, but I've since made it a permanent career change, as it's in an area I've always been interested in.

I had an accident and didn't work for about three or four years while I underwent corrective surgery. Fail.

But then I got a job in an internationally famous company. Success! But it was on the very bottom rung of the ladder.

I have lots of colleagues who are younger than me who are more senior, whose lives have been more straightforwardly 'successful', but how do you measure success? Someone who has had the support of their parents, who has sailed through education, embarked on their career straight after graduation and progressed?

In comparison, I'm less succesful than many of my peers at work.

But then again, which peers? Compared with many Aspies, I might be considered very successful. But I do still struggle with office politics and have had some terrible problems recently in this regard. But there are other peer groups, like my classmates from school, I guess I've been moderately successful, many of them have gone on to get good jobs as well. But in comparison to another peer group... well... I was taken into care as a teenager due to my father physically abusing me, and lots of the other kids in care probably ended up in prison, on drugs, or even dead, so in comparison, I'm a resounding success.

What have I set out to achieve? I haven't really had a life plan as such. I've just muddled through as best as I could. Things haven't always worked out as I might have wished, but I've always tried to pick myself back up after any setback and either try again, or start over or find another path.

It's not as simple as success or failure. It's all about context. It's all subjective. I feel as though I'm simultaneously successful for having achieved all that I have and a failure for not living up to my potential, and for having struggled to overcome adversity and challenges that some of my peers haven't.

I would think that it makes it more of a success if you have to struggle to overcome adversity. And as far as I can tell, very few people live up to their potential.

I think if you want to succeed, you can't be afraid to fail.

Quote from previous post:"I want to weigh in to give a more direct answer to your post. I feel that you don't want to just hear about who is successful but also relate that to yourself and how you can use the knowledge to benefit you in handling AS. I think you are fortunate to be diagnosed older rather than younger. This has forced you to observe the NTs and strive very hard to be more like them. NOTE: I leave politics out of this statement as well as to whether it is better to 'fit into their world' or not, I am simply addressing your post from the perspective that you seem to WANT to fit in with the NT world more successfully in order to partake of a measure of the success you are seeking. If you had been diagnosed at a younger age, you would have run the risk of not striving as hard or (hopefully not, this doesn't happen to everyone I've read about here) falling into the pit of 'I have AS and therefore I will never be normal so why try'. Stay away from the edge of that pit. Far away." (exactly what I intend to do. i'm still the same person i was, just with more knowledge about myself. there is no cure so...)

"As for my personal experience, I only found my own brand of success when I aligned my vocation and my avocation. As an AS, you very likely have some special area of interest. Maybe more than one? Perhaps you never took it seriously because you always considered it a hobby? If you are interested in this kind of 'success', maybe lining these things up is key to your happiness?""

Thanks. I appreciate the responses. I'm in a very rough spot. No social or familial support. I've gone adrift, spending my 20's as a hobby musician and becoming a junkie. That's all over, but while I've come to understand a lot about myself I've burned myself too due mostly to being a social ret*d and relying on music and drugs to cope with not being able to have anyone close to me. Loneliness hurts and I could never figure it out since I'm good looking and talented. I'm not ready to give up on life. Early assessments in school and my own and past associations have told me that I'm pretty intelligent. I know I have a decent heart and have the capacity to have a decent life. I've sought psychiatric counseling and the results seemed slightly off base. This AS discovery is the first time that something really clicked with what I have always felt was a disfunction within me.
I really appreciate this response I quoted because he seemed to get what I was looking for. I'm not trying to "fit in with the NTs" as if "they" were some alien race. We're all people. f**k the us & them. I want to survive on earth and not be poor and destitute and unable to take care of myself. So far if it weren't for my good looks and talent and sexual prowess I wouldn't have had some girl in my life to take care of my practical matters that I was too ret*d to handle myself. I'm thankful for that so far, but it isn't going to work anymore. I'm not that young. (and how sad to carry such affectionate feelings for all these girls who you've accidently hurt inconsiderately or alienated by seeming cold and uninterested when your heart is actually bleeding warmth for them even years later when they've probably let it go.
Nobody is neurotypical. They aren't autistic, but they are what they are. Nobody asked to be born, but if you want to live then you have to live regardless of what hand you've been dealt.
I don't mention AS to anyone in person. It's too weird. Sounds like an excuse to not act right. "Everyone has issues" I talk weird, when I talk at all, and am accustomed to people seeming creeped out by me when I'm just making a sincere effort to be friendly and interested in them. It's terribly frustrating especially when you know that you aren't really creepy and that the person has know way of knowing that. They're just going from what they know and yes, the way I am generally relates to how creepy characters seem. (funny how realizing that doesn't make it that much easier to adjust. {not funny ha ha either} Oh, the ever elusive normalcy).
I would like to hear more advice or whatever. Not people's definitions or opinions of what success means, blah blah. I need guidance like I've never had. I can't believe I've made it this long with all my limbs intact. I'm going to San Francisco this summer to make money being a stripper. I have a big one and can show it off there. That's all the marketable talent I have so far. I think I'll try to get into school there. I'll pray for grants or loans. Pray real hard to allah or some such.
Otherwise, there is always the other side.
I've lost my focus and am starting to ramble I think. Anyone with anything to say it's much appreciated. Thanks.
Oh, and if you've heard about any new physics discoveries I'm all ears. Matter is magical.

(more of the quote) "The point is to never stop trying. This is what you want, so keep going towards it. It will never get any easier for you, but it will get better. I for one will be rooting for you [/quote]

[hey! I posted and noticed where i typed ret*d it was censored into "good guy". WTF. Wrongplanet is some weird PC BS. Whatever though. I've noticed some cool people here too.]