Feeling used by a female friend.

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There is a women i'm friends with. I am interested in her in more then friendship. But she is not interested in me that way. She live ion the island of nantucket but is from Ill. . I live on cape cod. The last few times I asked if she would like to come over and hang out, I feel she has blown me off. Something always comes up. I thought she would come over new years but she blew me off for that too. She said she will be babysitting for some extra cash.

in a couple of weeks, she is going back home to Ill. for a week to see her family. She asked me if I could bring her to and pick her up from the airport. I'll have to take a couple of vacation days from work, I'll still get paid. But I really don't want to use those days so early in the year. I already said i would. But now I am having second thoughts. Seems to me she only wants to be with me when its conveninent for her.

Should I tell her how I feel and tell her to make other plans for the airport? Or should I let her keep treating me like this?

Whould anyone else feel like they were being used as well?

Maybe I'm wrong, but having to take 2 days off your annual vacation to drive someone is an exaggeration. Not even her husband of long years would do such a thing. Unless those are going to be 2 days spent having fun with a friend, in which case it's worth it as a vacation.

Just tell her you won't be able to make it, not many explanations. NTs (I mean people without NVLD like me), get the message better the less you tell and the more you show.

I keep writing you when you post these conundrums, because I am a woman, an older woman and I have watched things like this go on for years and decades. I always hope I can lend you some of my experience in these matters, however I find you don't absorb the helpful hints I give you, thinking, or maybe hoping, that it is different from what people are telling you.

When a woman blows you off for New Years because she needs the money from babysitting that night - and then wants your help and considerable inconvenience with something that will benefit her, it is because you are the only one in the relationship that wants to BE in the relationship. She has just found a way for you to be useful to her, is all.

She can't use you if you stop calling her and stop seeing her. The choice is yours.

Merle

You are probably not the only one she is using.

After reading these and thinking it over. I'm just not going to have any contact with her anymore. I know she does not respect my wishes anyway with something that happened last summer.

Good idea. I remember you posted about her before. I think you got a bit stuck on her, the best thing to do in that situation is remove her completely from your life.

I actually had a similar experience. With the lifts, etc. When i removed the person from my life, I wondered why I would want to spend time with her in the first place.

Not all women are like this, I promise.

It would be extremely pathetic to use precious time of your own vacation just for this purpose. Also, if you wish for your feelings to be noticed then be assertive and don't bend over backwards. Nice guys do this all the time. You can't just do favors and expect romantic reciprocation. If you are being used then its not her that's the problem, you can say that she's evil all you like, but in the end, you were the one who wasted time and resources over something as uncertain as this.

Well I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Boy was I wrong. I brought her to the airport yesterday and when I droped her off she said she would call/ email/ text me to let me know she made it in OK.

Been over 24 hours and NOTHING from her. Shows me how much respect she has for me. One of the reasons I did it is because I said I would and I always like to keep my word when I can. Not say I'm going to do something then not do it.

Unlike Her. Thing is she also KNOWS how upset I get with stuff like this and does not care.

My advice: Stop listening to them then when they say they will call or text you or email you.

So when I don't do something I said I would do, I get yelled at, people disapointed in me, look down on me, ect.. But when people say they are going to do something for me and don't do it I should just blow it off? Its ok for people to be upset at me for that but not ok for me to get upset at other people that do the same to me? Sounds too much like a double standard to me. Sorry. I have too much respect for myself to allow people to screw with me.

My cousin did the same thing to me 9 years ago, said she would email me and blew me off. Now this women is doing the same thing to me even though show knows what happened with me and my cousin.

Hi Ken,

I'm kind of in this situation as well, but it took me a while to figure out what was going on. It's kind of a re-wording of what Merle said.

You're too available. I know it might seem stupid, and I think it is as well, but it can make sense. One of the most fun times in a relationship is when everything is new, everything is exciting and there are a bunch of unknowns. What I'm talking about is the thrill of the hunt. She doesn't have to hunt for you. She doesn't have a chance to build excitement to see you again. She can just call you up anytime she wants and gets to see you. Suddenly have plans, or just say that you are unavailable to do something because you are with other friends or whatever. That also makes you seem more exciting because you have more going on in your life other than just her. Gives you something to talk about and whatever.

I figured this one out and the girl that I had a crush on for a while came around a little bit. There's opportunity there, you just have to make her work for YOU, not the other way around.

Good luck.

Who cares if they get mad at you, they do it to you so why can't you do it to them? Only do it to the ones who do it to you and when they do get mad at you again, tell them "You guys do it to me so why can't I do it to you?"

I do this all the time. Why should I return a favor to someone if they don't do it to me?

I forgot to mention, I also caught her in a lie when I brought her up to the airport. She just happened to mention to me that she spent time with a friend of hers new years eve. But when I asked her before new years if she wanted to get together, she said she was babysitting.


I'm over the fact that we will never be a romantic couple. I was OK with just being friends. But I can't get past someone lieing to me like this. If she already had plans new years, I would have been OK with it. No need to lie to me about it. I would not freak out or anything. She knows I have AS and how I feel about people misleading me. But she does not seem to care about how it looks or how I feel at all.

KenM it is not going to help you get over this if you keep dwelling on it. Now that you know that she was not the person you though she was think of it as relief. You were lucky you did not get mixed up with her more and for longer.

Giving people the benefit of the doubt is something you should do earlier on at the start. If you don't give people the benefit of the doubt at the beginning they will be suspicious and think you hold them in contempt, however if someone is taking advantage on you giving them the benefit of the doubt will only reinforce that fact that they can walk on you like a door mat.

If you let her go you will have less regrets than you think. There is really nothing to loose from going it.

Dump this 'friendship' ASAP.

Agreed.