Do you feel sorry for loners?

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I certainly do, knowing from experience what it is like to be in that situation.

It seems at times that I need to stalk these people in a way, by watching them and wondering how depressed they are. I wish I knew how to talk to such distant people, but I can barely talk to the people I know well at times.

Just today at honor band I noticed a guy alone in a corner pacing around while everyone else was eating with their friends. It turned out that he was the last chair tuba who sat a couple chairs away from me. I caught myself glancing over to him...it must have been too much because he suddenly made eye contact with me, and I had to turn away. After that, I avoided him, but I can't help thinking about it now.

If there is anyone I would enjoy reaching out to, it would definitely a person like this.

Any comments/advice?

At school, I always befriended the boy who was alienated because I felt sorry for him.

As an Aspie who needs my space, I'd say it depends on the effect that loneliness would have on a person.

Loner = Someone who wishes to be left alone.
I can't feel sorry for someone WANTING to be alone, seems silly.

I feel sorry for Mac users... <- Why? lol. They chose them and nothing wrong with them

Not automatically (because of the above post, and I'm a loner mostly by choice). I feel really bad when I see someone who seems lonely though, and always wish I could befriend the person. It's just awkward getting two people together who are typically quiet or shy, and I have yet to see it work out.

I wish someone would feel sorry for me and attempt to befriend me.

Just be careful what you wish for. Sometimes when you befriend the person no one else speaks to you end up getting a hanger-on who will not leave you alone. I've done that before and ended with someone who is so lonely they want you to spend every waking hour with them and start stalking you if you don't. You have to be good at establishing ground rules from day one if you decide to befriend the friendless as they often come with lots of mental or emotional problems from the years of loneliness.

I'm a loner, for the most part. Well, I have a husband and two kids, so I only get a chance to be alone when the kids are in school, but I'd love to be alone more often than that. But I love being alone, and never go out of my way to find people to be with. I enjoy my own company, and there are always things to do (alone), which keep me occupied and satisfied.


It would be weird for someone to feel sorry for me. That would be like me feeling sorry for people who always have a group of people hanging around them, and who have to meet someone for coffee every day of the week. I wouldn't want to have to socialize with people every day (or every week, or really even every month), but I don't feel sorry for people who choose to keep people around them all the time.

I do feel sorry for people who desperately want companionship, but, for whatever reason can't find it. That's not a loner, though.

It depends. If that's what he likes, then good for him. I'll admit being a loner is not fun but it's something I can respect.

I have empathy for only the ones who are loners as a consequence of their inability to interact socially. However, the ones who are loners by choice, who don't want friends, I don't have empathy for them.

I feel sorry for loners, always did. As a kid I used to approach them, and often we became friends. I don't see any loners now, but I still approach them when I get in contact with them. Just do it. The result might be having a new, really good friend.

A lonely person alone, yes. A loner who prefers being alone, only if they're being harassed by jerks that enjoy picking on loners.

It depends really. I don't like to feel sorry for anyone though lonely or not. Although I do think it's a shame that some people are loners not by choice. I understand because I don't really have friends unfortunately.

Thank you for the replies.

When I said "loner" in the first post, I was referring to the "emo" type of person who cannot find friends for whatever reason. The other type of loner - enjoying solitude, is actually myself at times. (Ironically during the summer months or weekends when it is most expected to be socializing)

On the subject of these people, is there any way of knowing whether they are depressed or content with being alone? I assumed that a friend of mine enjoyed solitude from the way he seemed to reject any sort of question or statement made to him, but it was revealed to me on an MSN conversation recently that "he does not prefer solitude, but has grown accustomed to it".

That is very true that two quiet people don't mix well, unless they have similar interests. The thing is that I want to somehow let the person know that they are not completely invisible. Knowing whether or not this contact is wanted is not possible without actually talking to the person though, and I find this to be the most difficult part seeing as though I am often lost for words even in familiar situations with friends.

As for the point about the stalking, I have had a stalker before myself, and I didn't find it to be annoying at all. In fact, I found a sense of security knowing that this one person cared about me enough to be waiting for me everywhere he was able to. Then again, that was only for a week at band camp and not in my usual school/home setting. My school is small, and there are very few "emos" so I don't see that as an possible issue anyway.

People who cannot get friends for whatever reason probably don't enjoy being alone all of the time.

Sometimes you might see someone on their own and who are quiet but they might not neccessarily act like that if you start talking to them. They might just find it difficult to start a conversation.

If you want to know if someone is content with being a loner then you might be able to half-tell by looking at the way they act. For example if you see them usually completely absorbed in an activity on their own and completely uninterested in their surroundings then they might just enjoy solitude. However if you see them at school or wherever standing apart when everyone else is with their friends, and looking completely bored then they probably aren't content with it.

If it's a emo kid, then no....
emo kids stay away from people on purpose so that they can be like their favorite video game character, which means they are trying to be something they are not.