Single Aspie friend feeling left out.

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Hi everyone,

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this. I have been dating a guy for ten months now and we are in an exclusive relationship; in other words, we are not dating anyone else but we are not engaged. I did not mean to leave her out of activities. Over the New Year's week my boyfriend's family came into town and I spent the day with them on New Year's Day. I now realize I made a mistake in having a house guest and making plans that did not include her. She lives in the same city but often stays at my house due to the lack of transportation. We did go to a New Year's Eve party together and we did have breakfast together one morning. I have a friend who does not get along with my friend who is an Aspie. I had made plans with this other friend and we bumped into each other at the Mall. I told my friend about it in advance. She had plans to meet another friend for a movie. The friend who doesn't get along with her is not a neurotypical but she has problems trusting people due to previous abuse.

I apologized to my friend in an e-mail but I still think things are not right between us. I am really frustrated in life right now and unfortunately I took things out on her. I like this friend very much and want to do better next time. I try my best to be inclusive but even so I know people who are not in a romantic relationship can feel left out. How can I make my friend understand that I am truly sorry for what happened and realize that we need to spend more time together? I don't want to cut people out of my life just because they are not part of a couple. I think it would be boring to only socialize with other couples.

There has been some issues with jealousy between us and I am trying to come up with a way to resolve it. I know she is having a hard time with the fact that a lot of her friends have boyfriends and she does not. On the other hand, I don't know what I want to do jobwise and that is a source of frustration to me. I feel very guilty that I took my frustrations out on my friend. I just envy people who know what they want to do and I am just upset that I don't know what I want to do. It seems like every time we get together lately we end up mad at each other. But I love this friend like a sister. I am also not a neurotypical.

You may want to make things right next time, but because of how you did your friend there may not be a next time. It's obvious that you are oblivious to social rules, but that's not going to change things with your friend. If you have a house guest for a week or whatever you are suppose to spend your time with them not going on dates with your boyfriend or another friend. If you felt you had to visit your boyfriend it should have been an activity that also included your houseguest. Also since she was without transportation she probably felt even more uncomfortable stuck at your house alone while you were out running around.

Also you don't apologize by email for that is crass. You must apologize in person face to face. You're taking it out on your friend because you don't know what to do with your life is inexcusable. It's incredibly immature too. You've broken a lot of social rules, so you may have a hard time keeping this friend. You really need to do some deep soul searching, maybe even get some counseling because you really need to grow up and start considering other people's feelings if you want to get anywhere in life.

Well, my friend confronted me about it over e-mail so I felt it would have been far worse not to respond at all. I was wrong with what I did and now I feel really bad. Logistically speaking, I don't drive and she lives in an area that is not served by public transportation otherwise I would have gone to her home to apologize to her. We have no option but to meet someplace in public to talk. The transportation issue is just a logistical issue; it would have been far better to apologize in person.

I did not mean to hurt my friend but I know that doesn't make it right .

Can you call her on the phone and have a heart to heart chat with her?

Yes, I did call my friend and we had a good talk about the situation. I am indeed very fortunate to have a friend like her as real friends are hard to come by. It turned out that we had a misunderstanding because I thought that she thought that I was a loser because I don't make a lot of money and that wasn't the case at all. I decided to invite her to a local sporting event with my boyfriend and at least one other single person. I don't have my own transportation so I would not have been able to provide transportation to the event if not for my boyfriend. Part of the city has public transportation and I have access to that but the part of town she resides in is not served by the public transportation system. So she can sometimes get a ride to the train station and then come to my part of town. I would like to get together with her more often but sometimes transportation is a problem.

I don't normally take my frustrations out on other people but I did apologize to her for taking it out on her. I blew up at her and felt bad about it but I did not leave her out of things out of spite. I just got so focused on the holiday and meeting my boyfriend's family that I lost sight of the fact that I was leaving her out. But it was a good wake-up call that it is time to do something constructive about the frustrations in my life. What better time to start then at the beginning of a new year? And I think soon I will tell my boyfriend that my friend and I will have a girls weekend out in the next few weeks.

That sounds like a good idea and a lot of fun too. Maybe you could make a girls night once a month or something if your friend wants to. And your boyfriend can have a night with the guys thing. Its more healthy if people still socialize with friends while they are dating versus spending every free minute with your bf or gf.

AS, I think that is a good idea for a girls night out. And honestly, I sometimes feel the same way too when it comes to weekends. I also agree that it seems that we end up mad at each other. What about a spa night with mud masks, hot tea, relaxation music, candles and a fun chick flick. What about Enchanted?