Social Issues

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How do you tell the difference between Aspergers, social anxiety, and just plain shyness?

I have Tourette Syndrome, ADD, undiagnosed sensory processing disorder. Social issues are very frustrating.

A lot of times I don't think I know how to make friends at a college level. When I hear others talk it's usually about parties/drinking, which I'm just not into. I came from a small town so I knew most of my friends since Kindergarten. I never switched schools and because of that we all knew each other and the only new friends were ones who came in as new students in town. I was never in a situation where I didn't know anyone and had to make all new friends.

The friends I do make are usually younger or older than me. The thing that is so frustrating is I want to have lots of friends. I want to be able to answer questions in class when I know the answer, but for some reason I just can't. It's even more frustrating when I don't know why I can't because I want to.

In other situtations I do just fine, like for example when I'm with a small or large group of kids I'm fine, etc. When there's only one other person with me I'm fine, but you add another person and I stop talking totally, even if one is my best friend. When it comes to my own peers, it's a totally different story. When it comes to dating, I feel so behind. When I was 15, etc. I had no interest in dating, etc. like most. Now that I have an interest in it, I feel like I'm so behind and I don't know how to do it when others have been dating for years.

roses

I suppose your best bet would be to ask an expert or several. There is also the aspie quiz. Don't remember where that can be found, I think in several places, but a search should turn it up.



Seeing that you're female, and assuming that, like most, you would be interested in dating guys, and you don't like to talk in crowds, I am guessing you would want a situation in which you meet mostly guys, and interact mostly one to one. Do you like chess or Go? If yes, join a club. If there's anyone you like, you can talk to him about more than just the game, and see what happens. Or try a martial art. If aggression puts you off, some are not very confrontational: taiji and aikido come to mind, they can be more like dancing. Or join a dance class. That's how my brother and his girlfriend met.

Carol, you may not be "into it" but if you're going to make friends you need to learn to adopt the behaviours of those around you, no one says you have to drink at a party or do drugs or anything, you can just go to socialize, meet friends, etc. The thing is you MUST go to where the people are or you WILL be left behind socially, as an aspergers guy, I wish I had gone to school dances and socialized and whatnot while I was still in highschool, I missed out on key times where I could practice socialization and it's had pretty dramatic effects.

Personally, there's nothing worse than being the only sober person at a party. I have a hard enough time connecting with people, which would only be made worse if they were intoxicated. Getting hammered is an activity they do together, and since I don't like to drink I get left out.

****faced NT's are the best. They don't judge as much, and are generally a lot more fun and more confused, which leaves them less time to be harsh as to your confusion over them(did anyone understand that?). As for knowing autism, the DSM criteria is the official standard. I can give you a link if you like.

As someone who enjoys drinking but has also been the only sober one many times: You definitley don't have to drink (or even go to parties) in order to make friends or meet people. On a college campus, there should be a lot of school-sponsored activities without alcohol, in addition to clubs. I don't like being the only sober person, but some of my friends don't mind it. At every school, there are people that don't drink/party...they're just not as "out-there" as the partiers. Sorry if I'm coming off as a little intense, but I don't want you to feel obligated to do stuff you're not comfortable with.
I think it can be hard to tell which one of those things you have, because you could potentially be all of those things. I can definitely relate to what you're saying, though. Especially the dating thing!

I never drank at parties. You can have fun without it, as long as you can accept that other people are going to be brainless meatballs. I found it amusing. Go with the attitude that you are going to study them.

i am quite the opposite, i just get so drunk that i have an excuse not to talk to anyone..

I completely disagree with you. I rarely drink, but I've had some friends that are raging alcoholics. Some of the funnest times I've ever had where with people who were drunk out of their minds while I was the only sober one. Drinking never seemed to change that. If you find people with something other than the personality of an inanimate carbon rod, your own sobriety doesn't have to be an issue. Mordy is giving pretty good advice for the aspie who wants to socialize but not drink.

I think its not import to answer if your shy,social phobic or aspie at this time.
All 3 are related to social skills problems. The only easy way to learn social skills
is to grow old with many years trial and error. Granted that want help you now
so you will have to expend alot energy now if you want results now. I would
recomend you get a book on non-verbal commications(body-language). I learned
a simple idea that way. If you(I'm male)stair at a female she will do a few things
looks away(she not interested), smile at you(interest maybe), looks down(showing
submission and maybe interest). Now you can see how having that extra social
imformation could be usefull. If you can get an idea who is interested in you
it can make taking that risk of rejection more worth it.

Asperger's is not a diagnosis but an innuendo, inclusive or differentiated howsoever one likes!