I'm not interested In having friends so much...

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starfox
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07 May 2015, 1:41 pm

I don't have much interest in making friends just for the sake of having someone to hang out with.

I have plenty of aquaintances but I'm made for different type of things I'm not made to be a popular girl at all lol.

But I see that most people with aspergers do want friends but struggle. Are you just not that interested in people?


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autismthinker21
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07 May 2015, 7:48 pm

the only ones i hang with are like ones that are ok with me. one slipped. then two are still there. acquaintances always? where you from? i am illinois. yourself.


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Elfam
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07 May 2015, 9:07 pm

When I was a young boy, I felt very popular, I was surrounded by people because of my jokingness and bouncy behaviour.

When I reached my preteens, I became aware of a disconnect between me and my peers. I could not break free from feeling "off". I never had a conversation that was "smooth" or "balanced", I just interjected and snarked a lot to "butt in".

My teen years are awful. My relationship with myself, family, and friends took a real nose-drive.

I have since learned much from my past, and my reflections on it allows me to re-form (in my mind) what "friendship", for me, should be.

A friendship needs to be maintained. To me, friendship feels like a flame that can go out at any moment. With the attention you give to the flame, you can ultimately decide if the fire blooms or poofs into air. If a flame represents a single friend, then each flame must be "tended" to in its own specific manner. The more friends you have, the more complicated it is to maintain them all.

For me, because of the complication of having many friends, it is wise for me to have limited friends. "Friends" may also fulfill the role of second family, thus it's generally advantageous to have at least one "good" friend. Personally, I can do with one other "good" friend. I think two or three will be easy as well but beyond that limit is overload-- that's my limit!


Otherwise, I am very content sitting on a bench, pretending to be busy, whilst absorbing the depths of sounds of the city and nature, together. I prefer when people around me look occupied, as well. The result is bliss, for me.

I longed (eagerly) for friendship. With time, that has changed.

Starfox,

A) Is your idea of "friendship" the same as when you were young?
A) How has "friendship" changed over time?
B) What are the major catalysts for this change?
C) Are you satisfied with your change?

I think if your unsatisfied with "something", you can change it with a lot of focus and a plan.

If you are not unsatisfied, keep on trucking!



0_equals_true
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08 May 2015, 4:26 pm

Sure. I don't need many. I have basically got three.

90% of the time I'm happy on my own. It is part of the reason why I work alone.

I think context friend and associates where you can go in and out.

I'm also a strong believer in compartmentalising social life. There is not need to mix it all together.



Outrider
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08 May 2015, 9:38 pm

I have decent social skills and confidence, it's not that I struggle friends it really is just that i have little interest in it.

I am not shy but quiet. I simply choose not to socialize with other's. So yeah.

I have a very strict definition of what a 'friend' is to me.

All I really want is 1 girlfriend, 1 best friend, 2-3 good friends, and 5 acquaintances/minor friends at the most.

I also have exactly this (except for a gf) so I'm mostly satisfied with my social life.

I barely feel like I have enough time to myself even when I spend my weekend completely alone, so adding a friend into the mix will only make things harder.

I rarely ever hang out with anyone ever, and even when I do hang out with a friend it does feel like I've lost a lot of time/hours of my weekend.

Even if I have a lot of fun and the time of my life with a friend, the weekend does just feel much shorter afterwards...

I have become a bit more loose in my definition of a friend over the years and I do socialize more but I just don't see myself ever having even a 'small circle of close friends' like N.T's do.

I just don't WANT to have a GROUP of friends of like 4-6 of us, I never see that happening in my life.

Most of my friends are part of separate parts of my life as well. As in my friends don't know my other friends. So I only ever spend time with 1 or 2 friends at a time there IS NO group of 4-5 people I have to sit down with and hang out with.

No group just 5 separate friends in different parts of my life, I may mention my other friends sometimes but have no interest in introducing them to each other and even choose to keep them separate.



Cyllya1
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09 May 2015, 2:13 am

I'm pretty introverted, but I feel like having too few family-style friends is a problem in adulthood, especially if you want to have kids. It's not about hanging out; it's about having a support network.


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nick007
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11 May 2015, 12:01 am

I'm not that interested. The only person I really talk to is my girlfriend & that's been working for a couple years now. I wouldn't mind having a friend thou but not that interested in putting forth effort.


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Outrider
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15 May 2015, 3:59 am

IMO it's true - we don't just lack friendships due to difficult with making friends.

Sometimes we simply don't want any friends or are satisfied with few friends.

Who agrees?



starfox
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15 May 2015, 4:02 am

Hmm this is interesting. I agree that it's not always because of trouble reading people.


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