When I was a young boy, I felt very popular, I was surrounded by people because of my jokingness and bouncy behaviour.
When I reached my preteens, I became aware of a disconnect between me and my peers. I could not break free from feeling "off". I never had a conversation that was "smooth" or "balanced", I just interjected and snarked a lot to "butt in".
My teen years are awful. My relationship with myself, family, and friends took a real nose-drive.
I have since learned much from my past, and my reflections on it allows me to re-form (in my mind) what "friendship", for me, should be.
A friendship needs to be maintained. To me, friendship feels like a flame that can go out at any moment. With the attention you give to the flame, you can ultimately decide if the fire blooms or poofs into air. If a flame represents a single friend, then each flame must be "tended" to in its own specific manner. The more friends you have, the more complicated it is to maintain them all.
For me, because of the complication of having many friends, it is wise for me to have limited friends. "Friends" may also fulfill the role of second family, thus it's generally advantageous to have at least one "good" friend. Personally, I can do with one other "good" friend. I think two or three will be easy as well but beyond that limit is overload-- that's my limit!
Otherwise, I am very content sitting on a bench, pretending to be busy, whilst absorbing the depths of sounds of the city and nature, together. I prefer when people around me look occupied, as well. The result is bliss, for me.
I longed (eagerly) for friendship. With time, that has changed.
Starfox,
A) Is your idea of "friendship" the same as when you were young?
A) How has "friendship" changed over time?
B) What are the major catalysts for this change?
C) Are you satisfied with your change?
I think if your unsatisfied with "something", you can change it with a lot of focus and a plan.
If you are not unsatisfied, keep on trucking!