Annoying situation

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I do a group work with some other guy (we have to do it in pairs). I've been working with him for weeks already, so I'm supposed to recognise him, and I do.

However, a few days ago I entered the main hall of the university building where I'd meet him. There were tons of people in there, and on a bench, between all the other people, was sitting a guy who stood up and looked a lot like my partner. I was like, dammit is he my partner or not? He probably is because he's standing up at the moment I enter! So I looked at him and made eye contact and moved my head as if I recognised him as my partner. But he looked weird at me and it was the wrong guy!! ! My partner was already in a classroom.

I felt bad the whole day because I made a fool of myself to that unknown other guy who I mistook for my partner.

I have had situations similar to this before, I have this often!

Why is this, why is it so difficult for me to recognise the right guy, and why do I feel bad all day because of it?

It's a common AS trait. I have the same problem.

From what I understand, NT's have a portion of the brain dedicated to recognizing other humans, and a "general purpose" region for everything else.

With us aspies, we generally have very good general-purpose recognition, but the human part is diminished/nonexistant. So we recognize faces in the same way that we recognize our cars in a parking lot, for instance.

I think that portion of the brain is somewhat half functioning in my brain, sometimes it tells me that I "vaguely" remember a face from somewhere, and sometimes it can be helpful, however it's not reliable.

But if that portion of the brain is there and half functioning, could it be possible to improve it and make it reliable?

Funny, I did the same think last night at the ice skating rink.

I saw a person who I thought was a student on my bus and when I said hi and the students name, the person said "What?"

I was embarassed at the time and I could stll swear she was the person who rides my bus.

I've thought about this as well. I feel as though the facial recognition part of my brain is there, but in a limited capacity--only family, close friends, and people I've been exposed to repeatedly for a long time (coworkers, etc) make it in there. Reason being, I can pick out those people in a crowd. It seems like I recognize them even before I consciously "take in" all of their facial features.

With everyone else, I handle recognizing them much differently. While I'm looking at a person who I suspect I know, I have to look at them and compare them to my mental image of the person, and also look for distinguishing details like nose size/shape, moles, etc.

This brings up another tangent.. I moved to Wisconsin about a year ago. I've noticed that a LOT of girls here share certain rather odd facial features in common. They tend to have big foreheads that kind of bulge out, along with really big chins. Their faces almost look concave. I've only noticed this in Wisconsin, and it makes it harder for me to recognize girls I meet because so many of them have those features. Have any other upper midwest people here noticed this?

The same thing happens to NTs. The correct thing to do, as I've observed, is if you see someone you think you recognize but are not sure, walk up to that person. Ask, "Hey, are you (so and so)?"

If the person says no, then just say, "Oops, sorry to bug you then," and walk away.

The key to avoid being awkard or weird is to let the other know why you were staring.

I've learned this the hard way, thankfully.

If you mistakenly say hi to a person you mistake for someone else, and he/she gives you a weird look, simply say "sorry, I mistook you for someone else", and walks away or resume doing what you were doing. I can't stress this enough; don't spend a long time explaining how you made a mistake. After saying "sorry, ...", don't dwell on things; simply act like nothing happened. All you did was make an honest mistake. No one should give you a hard time over it.

I hope things work out.

Hey! Well what about this then...I didn't realise this was a common Aspie trait - but something I've noticed I can do a lot better than other people is say "mmm, you look just like so and so."

i.e. Eminem looks exactly like Neil Buchanan, presenter of Art Attack. (UK programme)
Jamie Cullum looks like Oscar the Grouch out of Sesame Street

That sort of thing. I don't know if I'm right about these connections because often people don't agree...but still, it's something they don't get springing to their attention. I mean it's like everyone I meet I subconsciously compare to someone else lookswise. There isn't a single person I know who doesnt' look very like someone else.

Maybe it relates a bit to us not being so good at telling people apart.

kerrymac: Yeah, I had a period like that which lasted a few years as I remember. Now that you mention it and I think about it, it might've been a developmental phase. I wasn't very good with social communication back then since I simply lacked experience, so it's possible it could've been that. It seems logical at least that a person tries connections to build a system of understanding of something.