depressed and alone

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Recently I have had virtually no contact from most of my uni friends, and the only ones I have talked to recently are on my course and we don't do much outside lectures.

This has caused me to be somewhat depressed and lose motivation in my work and I'm in my final year in Uni.

Anyone felt this way?

I guess I can relate a bit.
I have two friends at school. We eat lunch together, which may involve a good laugh here-and-there but is often fairly quiet. One of them, I may talk to a bit in the one class we have together. My friendship with her ends once the day is over. The other calls me sometimes, though. I don't know her very well, however.
I don't really talk to anyone outside of school.

There is no shame in feeling depressed or lonely.

I've been lonely and depressed since middle school and now I'm a senior in college - so that's most of my life. Girls I heard talking about me said "he is always alone." I am!! ! and not by choice. I exchange "hey watsup" with my classmates and talk about homework, but people simply do not like me. They take one glance at my face, a normal non-fat average looking clean male face, and they look away - it's my stare, the depressed/lonely/serious look, the out of place unnatural looking smile. This is all normal for people like me - inappropriate gestures, a blank face, rude staring behavior, it's just a form of aspergers. So right now it's Friday night and most of my classmates are out on the bar drinking or going with their friends, and I am in the apartment by myself. I do call my grandmother, my parents, my younger brother who is 13 years old but he likes talking to me about computer games (which I played in middle school) and also to hear interesting stuff I can tell him that other people won't (like what to expect in high school, how to get a job, faily dynamics between our parents, etc.) I call my sister as well and listened to about her life for an hour. The two "friends" from high school that I have I do call them about once a year and we talk a little but they never call or email back - i am just not an interesting person.

Listen to this talk by a woman with aspergers and you will hear that some of the most social things she did in her life was at work. I work in a team environment where I have to talk to clients and coworkers and when I come home after work I never feel lonely. When I am off or in college I could go a whole day without saying more than three sentences, sometimes not talking to a single person until 6pm at night! Then I feel lonely. But that's normal. Everyone feels lonely and depressed at times and it's nothing to be ashamed about. "There is no shame in my game!"

I suggest you reward yourself for work with social interaction. Once you complete a task call a peer out for coffee, if you are uncomfortable doing that, than make it a professional relationship. Hop on board events already happening at your school, if you here that there is a fundraiser run, go. Even if you are not athletic you can still volunteer at the water station.

One thing you need is to find a peer group, the best way is to find a club with common interests, it could be either inside or outside of your college. If it is a larger college than there will most likely several student clubs, if there is not one that appeals to you there may even be a possibility to create your own.

If you are at a smaller school than it is very personal and everyone knows each other, it is important to make some "strategic relationships" to keep in the loop. As for clubs, you would have to look to the greater community to find an interest group.

As for depression look for negative thought patterns:

All-or-nothing statements
over generalizations
Disqaulifying the positive
Negative filtering
Emotional reasoning
Personalization
Blaming
Fortunetelling
Mind reading
Catastrophizing

I've been depressed and lonely basically my entire life. I suppose I've just come to accept it. What else can I do?

Can you suggest to you classmates who you are friendly with that you meet up?

Are there any aspects of the course work or assignments that you are struggling with? Can you suggest meeting up at the library to do some studying? Say that you're not very motivated to do it at home, and you wondered if they fancied meeting up, you can work together, or just work alone at the same table and make go over any queries you have with each other, but set a time limit, suggest doing a couple of hours study in the morning or afternoon, and then having a coffee and some cake or something?

Some people are quite good with self-discipline, whereas other people might welcome the chance to meet up because it will make them do some studying if they are usually good at proscrastinating.

Or maybe ask if they fancy going to the cinema after class one day? Sometimes cinema tickets are cheaper in the day time than in the evening (depends which cinema chain it is), if tickets are cheaper before 6pm, say, why don't you suggest maybe heading to see a movie after class one day? Or sometimes places like pubs in England that serve food have special offers, buy two meals for 10 pounds, or buy one meal get one free or something, so maybe you could ask if they want to go and have a meal like that? Students are usually living on a budget and a chance for a free or half price meal is good!

p.s. And don't think that it's just you feeling lonely and depressed and that everyone else has a fantastic social life and loads of friends. Because it's not like that. I'm guessing that there are other classmates who you see and you look at them chatting with someone in class or the canteen at lunchtime and you think they're really popular and have loads of friends, but they might have a similar problem, they might have people to chat with in class or join their table at lunch, but they might also be going home after school or college and thinking everyone else seems really popular and why doesn't anyone want to socialise with them. It happens much more than you realise, but people are generally too shy and awkward and embarrassed to admit they feel lonely and they don't have friends.

Of course I can relate. My life ain't any better. I'm always alone every time I'm not at college or working. That's the only time I socialize which is ridiculous. I spend my nights when I'm not working alone, on this computer, watching the TV or reading. It certainly has gotten pretty depressing after a while. There's certain people I'm sure I would enjoy going out with but I don't know if they would really want to. I hope to someday find someone who asks me and is serious about it. That would make it easy. Of course that would be too easy. I have to rely on other people's actions to try to read social interactions.

While I'm not entirely unpleasant, I'm not very inviting either. Maybe I should be more open? Or am I doomed?

far from doomed! you can practice talking to people at work or at a volunteering organization.

This probably won't make you feel any better, but I'm lonely too. Lost touch with my friends from university and people at work don't want to know me outside of office hours. Don't have any friends.

going out with coworkers puts your job at risk. better keep your personal life private at work. feel free to add me on msn - [email protected] I find that having superficial internet friends gives me a fake sense of connectedness.

That seems to be the story of my life...