Relating to and/or easily accepting "rude" or &quo

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Title is supposed to be "relating to and/or easily accepting 'rude' or 'mean' people " but the forum hates me right now. :p

I find that I tend to be more forgiving and accepting of others' social indescretions (stuff that most people see as being rude or mean) than others are.

For example, a while back a friend from my classes started working with me in the lab where I work. She is very intelligent and low to moderately nerdy (by my standards - my nerdiness frame of reference is a bit off from most people's, I think ) but definitely NT. I like it there and I feel the people are exceptionally easy to get along with, but she just had an awful experience. She said that they were rude, critical, and difficult to talk with. She quit after one semester.

Looking back and thinking about it now, I can see where she's coming from. The people I work with (especially my boss) are very blunt. He says it like it is, doesn't mean to hurt you with it, but he rarely soft petals around topics. When i talk with him I just focus on the substance of the conversation, not paying attention to any weird inflections or anything, and I find conversations with him very helpful.

There was also a guy in my math class that no one could stand - he was kind of rude, seemed sort of condecending whenever he talked to you. But I didn't really think anything of it because I figure he's struggling with the nonverbal stuff just like I used to.

I know I have said things in a way that I did not intend to say them many times before - and I'm sure people have been hurt by it or confused. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to voice inflection and rude nonverbal communication. Especially if they always come across that way - I just assume they're just bad with people and I think that's ok. I can relate with them, I guess. I dunno. Anyone else have this experience?

I can agree. People usually have to actually snap at me or make blatent personal insults before I will out and out label them rude. That or invade my personal area, I'm kind of OCD about that - but even here I will put up with more than a lot of people seem to in certain situations.

When I see someone floundering socially, there is a very good chance I've made the same mistakes somewhere along the line. I can't help but identify with them and want to help them... Even though it turns out that my advice is rarely welcome or even understood.

I seem to take things in the wrong way, in a way that makes me look over-sensitive and a bit crazy, just because I don't know what to read into what they've said and make guesses. One time I was insistent, absolutely insistent that this girl really didn't like me. It seemed that the things she said to me were rude, that she gave me stuck-up looks, that she just did not want to know me or be nice to me- and it turns out she was absolutely fine with me, she even liked me a bit despite not knowing me well at all. I have this a lot- I always seem to get the sense that people dislike me even when no one else around me can see it, or that they meant something in an offensive way when no one else thinks they meant it that way. I guess I have a persecution complex or something tied in with my AS.

I'm really not very observant when it comes to such things. The things I look for to judge someone's assholitity are totally different from those of NT's. When people are overly polite to me I just assume it's fake anyway, because I know that if I were that person I'd be faking it too (if I could ). But, yeah, unless someone really screws me over, I'd not going to label them as rude.

I often find people rude. I have slowely come to realise that they are 'normal' and I am not!!

I view the things that people do to me - that I would not do to them - as rude.

At work - I do not take their pencils, phones or anything else that they use in there job so that they have to constantly go looking for them (though I have considered doing so recently just for sweet revenge).

I ended up buying my own scissors. I gathered up all the other scissors in the building and donated them to the rest of the staff to do with as they wished - with a warning (only a little tongue in cheek) that if they took MY scissors from the workroom that I would chop their bloody fingers off!

This is one example - I have more

I learned a long time ago that if I treat others the way they treat me, I get slammed and trampled on in return. People think I'm stupid because I tend to take things at face value, just like my Aspergers mother (never diagnosed but has so many symptoms it's uncanny) always taught me. It's confusing and a bit frightening to exist in a world that expects NT behaviors.

Two examples come to mind. I used to live in an apartment building. There was this woman who had a very blunt way of speaking which I found was refreshing, because I didn't have to try to read what she really meant. Over time, I realized that she was very unpopular with the other tenants and was always feuding with someone. I also found that lots of people found her rude and interfering. Yet it was she who told me about how to adopt a cat from the rescue pound, and even drove me there to pick up the cat that I adopted. She also told me about how to avoid the 200 dollar pet fee by getting a letter from my doctor saying that my cat was a service animal to help with my depression.

My second example is my current landlord. He is always blunt to the point of pain. One time there was a problem with illegal downloads (a lot of people share the optional internet service here) and he sent out emails asking people if they had performed the download and warning them not to do it again. I was offended and could not understand why he was being so rude. Of course I wrote back saying that I had kept my own internet provider when I moved in, and wasn't using the optional one, so it couldn't have been me. Yet OTOH, it is refreshing not to get roped into a small talk session if I see him on the grounds. He is always busy and it is rare for him to greet people who are passing by. In all the time I have lived here he has been fair and prompt to fix things. So there are my two examples.

Also, I have badly mis-read people's meanings and/or intentions. I have read things that aren't there into comments, for good or bad. And I have constructed entire themes of persecution where none even existed. My inability to read non verbal cues and to decipher theory of mind is a huge problem.