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coolcat
Butterfly
Butterfly

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Joined: 16 Apr 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 17
Location: Tulsa,OK

17 Apr 2009, 4:54 am

So I generally seem to be able to make friends decently. My issue is after a month or 2 I seem to annoy them or something not all of them I mean I have some friends I've had for a very long time cause they understand my problems. But I guess I become unfriendly but I don't realize it. So I was just wondering if anyone has this issue and how you try and solve that issue?



Ladarzak
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 9 Mar 2007
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 337
Location: Vancouver, Canada

17 Apr 2009, 10:41 am

Geez, I have really had this problem, and in hindsight I see it involves me offending them (or them not understanding and accepting my weak points) because I am insensitive to things. Could be a topic where I give a too-blunt opinion or a taboo opinion (say, "I don't like children" to someone who's trying to get pregnant) etc, etc. It's a slow learning process.

Unfortunately, it can cause a lot of anxiety when I become self conscious. I try to balance being myself with being polite and respectful. I suppose I come off quiet or distant at times, and then a bit wild at times. Hard to find the balance.

Now the goal for me is to have acquaintances, more than close friends. That way I can get along with people, get skilled with people, and as I attune to some who may like me more maybe a closer friendship will develop naturally. It takes time to get to know someone.

Some people are okay with meta talk and will give honest feedback, but even so they may not want you around any more. That can hurt, but it's instructive. I didn't realize motherhood was such a motherhood issue. (For females, it often is.)

Do you really think you become unfriendly after 2 months? If so, it would be useful to examine why and how you do that.