When you...

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...identify someone you want to possibly be friends with, how do you go about doing so?

I was shopping yesterday and I met a really interesting guy who worked in a women's shoe store. He was very handsome, heavily tattooed, pierced, and I just liked how he looked (not a a sexual physical attraction, he just looked well...kinda cool). Then I realized he was working in a women's shoe store, and he had just helped me pick out some really cute shoes that I didn't even realize I liked until I put them on......as soon as he started speaking I noticed he had some very feminine mannerisms.....he's obviously very gay.

We chatted for a little bit about trends in footwear over the last two decades and whatnot, and I then made a gross underestimation of his age, which was sort of funny. I guessed him to be about 20 or 21 years old, and he turned out to be 31, he guessed me to be 19, and I'm 27. So we have something in common....we both look much younger than we are.

Anyway....I left the store, still wanting to talk to him, and feeling a little bit sad that I probably won't ever see him again.

I can make random small talk with strangers, and briefly appear somewhat normal (especially if I'm a little manic), but then I fail to make any further steps to make friends with people...

Don't try to be a friend, just be a friend. Hang out, talk, suggest some fun activities you'd both enjoy, and be sure to ask for some way to contact them later.

You shouldn't be actively looking for friends. That makes you look obsessive and lonely. Be comfortable in who you are and act like a proper friend to people you enjoy the company of.

I sort of am obsessive and lonely. I don't have a problem meeting people. I have loads of acquaintances, just very few friends. Two of the three friends I do have live in different states and the one that lives about 50 miles away from me is a newlywed, and I don't see her much at all. It took me a really long time to make those three friends....I'm not very good in the friend making department, and sometimes I just get lonely and want company from someone other than my fiance.

I know a lot of people through the industry I work in, but I wouldn't consider any of them friends, more like acquaintances I hang out with during business lunches, dinners, and seminars and other social functions.

Maybe I'm just thinking about this too much. I mean I'm an adult. Should I even want to have new friends at this age? I'm guessing if I was supposed to have friends I would have made them by now.

Careful, that's a dangerous line of thinking. When you decide you're destined to be alone, you'll actually end up that way.

If you get lonely, find someone you wouldn't mind spending time with. I've made a few friends just by letting go of my inhibitions and calling up acquaintances to go have some fun. I'm not gonna lie to you, that part's hard. Just working up the courage to go do something crazy all of a sudden is enormous. But it's that or stay lonely, right?

Drop by his store, and ask him where he hangs out (bars, etc) you could say, "hey i dont know town very well, can you recomend anywhere you will be"

Or say something like "I just got this facebook/myspace/msn and I don't really get how to use it, are you on it?" Then if that leads to a conversation on that, say "hey, can I add you when I get home, can we keep in touch"

I'm going to second Dentu, you make friends by being genuinely interested in other people and not having an agenda. If your actively trying to make a friend then that counts as an agenda and probably creates a lot of subconscious cues "I'm in this conversation because I want something", not helpful.

It also probably helps if your going to see the same person frequently, same office or same school. While I'm sure you can make friends the first time you see someone I find its more likely when it happens over time.

Well I've since forgotten about the tattooed shoe salesman.....really I can't just have a 10 minute conversation with a stranger and expect it to amount to anything more than what it was.

However there are people I do see everyday at work or several times a week at the gym, and might exchange a hello or a smile with, but that's about it. Ironically it's easier for me to "fake it" and talk to a complete stranger than to approach someone who I see all the time.....