feeling lonely but interaction distresses

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I find I get lonely sometimes, but I find social interaction very distressing.

I really cant stand talking on the phone, and I dont like emailing really either, it feels like a chore. I dont know how I can maintain friendships or relationships and have a releif from loneliness if I cant stand talking on the phone, emailing, chatting and spending time with people.

Sometimes I dont feel lonely and feel releaved to be alone, a lot of the time I feel opressed and hasseled by people and long for alone time. But sometimes I also feel lonely and I dont know what to do about it as I struggle so much to do the input to maintain friendships (as I dont get lonely often enough to maintain motivation).

I often think the distress and pain of interaction out ways any benefits of company or releif of loneliness.

I feel very much the same way, and that contradiction in needs and fears has always been very frustrating. My solution was meeting my wife - I was lucky enough to be accepted and able to (mostly) be myself around her, and that connection with one person was all it took to alleviate the loneliness. One significant other was all I needed. Unfortunately, now we're no longer together and I'm back to that paradoxical state of needing a person to talk to at the same time as being very distressed by the idea of social interaction.

My only remedy now is just my participation in this forum, and other areas online. Even though I still don't feel compelled to try to make friends directly, it's at least an outlet and means of expressing myself without the anxieties that hold me back in the real world, which is better than nothing.

I'm right there with you - it's definitely a Catch-22 - I want to build relationships, but I hate doing social things. For me, it helps to push out of my comfort zone, a little bit at a time & on my own terms.

I've started going to a local aspie group that meets once a month. It's something that I can put on my schedule & prepare myself for. I still find myself shutting down afterwards (a room full of aspies is still a room full of people) - but I have to say that the other group members are very nice people with a lot of interesting things to say. It's totally worth it.

I don't know how I'd do joining any other type of social group - like a church or a book club. That would be too big a step for me. But with the aspie group, at least I know for sure that everyone else shares my anxiety - so we can just set that aside & talk about things that interest us.

how did you get to 'place' where you could have a relationship?

I agree forums are fantastic!

yes, I go to an aspie meet up every month, I find it hard but I make myself go, and I think it is good for me. I like that its meeting people in a 'set' situation and that I can leave when I like. Perhaps I just need to find something else to go to so that Im seeing other people more than once a month.