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autisticstar
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30 Mar 2009, 8:46 am

Last week I went to an evening Mass and ran into another woman who I am acquainted with through church. I saw her and she said Hello and we talked for a few minutes. We were there a few minutes early before the service started. Then a little girl came into the church and she asked the little girl if she wanted to sit with her and walked off and waved goodbye to me. So I just sat down at another pew but felt confused. I just happened to run into her; it was not a planned social encounter. I was very tired that day and was not at my best. I have socialized with this woman before in that I rode to an event with her and two other women. I can't help wondering if I offended this woman somehow. I have her e-mail address. Should I e-mail her and ask if she was offended by something I said or did? Sometimes I feel like people don't want to be seen talking to me.



Miyah
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30 Mar 2009, 8:59 am

As, sometimes I feel like that from time to time. However, if they treat you like that, it's not your problem as it's theirs. I really wouldn't worry my head about it too much as people like that aren't really reliable. Granted, she sounds like she's fickle and unreliable.



Katie_WPG
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30 Mar 2009, 9:11 am

Well, she didn't outright ignore you. So you couldn't have been completely wrong.

Did she know this little girl?

Sometimes, people walk off and talk to other people because they get the impression that the person they're currently speaking to doesn't want to talk for very long, or wants to sit alone.

Still, it was a little bit inconsiderate of her. She should have asked you if you wanted to sit with them as well.



Learning2Survive
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30 Mar 2009, 10:02 am

autisticstar wrote:
Last week I went to an evening Mass and ran into another woman who I am acquainted with through church. I saw her and she said Hello and we talked for a few minutes. We were there a few minutes early before the service started. Then a little girl came into the church and she asked the little girl if she wanted to sit with her and walked off and waved goodbye to me. So I just sat down at another pew but felt confused. I just happened to run into her; it was not a planned social encounter. I was very tired that day and was not at my best. I have socialized with this woman before in that I rode to an event with her and two other women. I can't help wondering if I offended this woman somehow. I have her e-mail address. Should I e-mail her and ask if she was offended by something I said or did? Sometimes I feel like people don't want to be seen talking to me.


No, the lady walked off because it is normal to walk away when there is no conversation going. If you two were talking, then she would stay to finish the conversation with you. She does not dislike you, the girl engaged the lady in conversation, you did not. There is nothing wrong about this.


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Willard
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30 Mar 2009, 12:54 pm

Learning2Survive wrote:
No, the lady walked off because it is normal to walk away when there is no conversation going. If you two were talking, then she would stay to finish the conversation with you. She does not dislike you, the girl engaged the lady in conversation, you did not. There is nothing wrong about this.


Agreed. Sounds like a perfectly normal behavior. You didn't offend anybody, maybe just feeling a little hypersensitive because you weren't at your best that day. If she had just turned and walked away while you were in mid-sentence, that would have been odd.



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30 Mar 2009, 2:13 pm

You probably didn't do anything to offend or upset her, most likely she knew the little girl and probably thought that the girl might want to sit with her.


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CrinklyCrustacean
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30 Mar 2009, 4:41 pm

When NTs talk to each other, there are various cues (verbal and body-language) used which help work out whose turn it is to speak. Because of this, it is possible to work out whether a silence is awkward; suggests something unspoken; or is the end of that person's comment. Therefore, if she sensed a 'finished' silence when that wasn't what you intended, it would explain why she unexpectedly walked off. This problem understanding silences is part of the reason why aspies can ramble on and on without realising the other person is no longer interested, or even start speaking when it is inappropriate. It could also be that she didn't enjoy talking to you and grabbed the first opportunity to get away, or the fact that children get lost more easily than adults and she felt a need to look after this child.