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hybrid
Blue Jay
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18 Dec 2005, 7:23 am

With a "tough guy", I mean someone who has a chance to attack or intimitate you and is much stronger than you, the kind of guy who carries a knife with him and is probably criminal, smokes because he thinks it's cool, would probably have stolen lunch money when he was younger and an american cliche, etc...

Anyway, when in conversation with someone like that, I know that it's dumb to show fear and you have to be relax and calm instead, and show that you don't care about that he looks "tough". However, I still feel nervous when I meet someone like that, and try not to show it but probably show it anyway, if I want it or not. How to prevent that and really look calm and relax in such situation?



rearden
Pileated woodpecker
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18 Dec 2005, 7:53 am

Try to imagine that the guy as a little old man, and/or just keep your mind off how much bigger he is than you.

And in my experience, some of the friendliest people I've met are enormous. It's perfectly obvious that they could kick my ass, I don't exactly pose a threat, so it's all good.

I'm much more wary of smaller guys who don't have the same kind of confidence, are more easily intimidated, and feel compelled to "prove" to everybody how tough they are. They're more likely to carry weapons and/or have 10 friends around to back them up when they feel like starting a fight.



Malaclypse
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18 Dec 2005, 8:43 am

You can also try - I don't know how hard this is since I'm a big, scary looking guy myself - to simply let go of your emotions and don't worry about what happens. Do it a few times and see how they react at least. I.e. never mind the outcome, think that it's okay even if you die in horrible pain or anything like that, just let go. You do this simply by becoming apathetic for a while, just relaxing until you almost become a zombie. I find that you can get people relaxed if you do that. People who are bullies are insecure with themselves and have to prove something, like rearden says, so acting as if he's a criminal might lead him to think that he looks like a criminal and it might piss him off. Where people like that went wrong is most assuredly when it comes to social skills and getting friends without almost having to bash their skulls in and force them, so they feel hated by everyone and put up a tough front, and they don't like to admit it of course, so acting sympathetic won't help either - that'd probably be worse.
Then you can always, which is probably a better tip, act like you're already his friend in how you approach him, but not in what you say. In that case he might get suspicious and get angry too. I hope some of this works for you. :)



Sanityisoverrated
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18 Dec 2005, 11:06 am

What exactly is wrong with being a criminal? It doesn't show anything about one's moral character.



Nomaken
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19 Dec 2005, 7:32 am

The best way to relax is to be mentally prepared to be hit in the face by the guy. If you don't care about being hurt, he has no power.


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Ana54
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01 Jan 2006, 12:22 pm

I agree... just be happy. Nobody can make you tick if you don't tick. :D



kevv729
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01 Jan 2006, 5:36 pm

I remember I had a boss that was 6'7" or taller and weight 275 plus. He would get right in Your face but with Me I never did back down from Him He even told Me so. He chould get all to back down but not Me.


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psybot
Snowy Owl
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07 Jan 2006, 7:58 pm

I like to deal with these by thinking "i live in a civilised society - if he does something stupid i may hurt for a bit, but he'll go down against something much more powerful - the law".

Also, lately, I have another way. This is to put your fear aside and have respect for the guy. Have respect for him for having such strength and obvious power. These can be positive things instead of negative things.

I combine these and it generally works for me. It sometimes actually leads to gaining a powerful friend.