Wearing sloppy clothes

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I am not sure if I have the right section for this.....I think it kinda fits, but I dunno.

Anyways, I'm an NT, but my boyfriend is an Aspie. I am very open-minded to all his Aspie needs and traits, but there is one that continues to bug the hell out of me. He dresses horribly. He always wants to be comfy, so wherever he goes, he looks like he's always ready for bed or looks like a slob. I know Aspies like comfort and can't stand tight or confining things, but is this something he may have for life?

I actually feel a bit ashamed to even be seen with him. He doesn't have to dress up, but at least something casual would be nice. He says he can't stand denim so he won't wear jeans. He always wears 1 of 2 different outfits. The first outfit is a baggy t-shirt with a pair of baggy, dirty khaki shorts that don't flatter his body at all. He was invited to my family for Christmas and he wore shorts in the middle of December. It was embarrassing for me and even my aunt who has a majorly Autistic son thought it was crazy of him.
The other outfit is much worse and makes him look crappy and turns me off in a sexual way (which really isn't a good thing...). He'll wear a baggy t-shirt with a VERY baggy pair of gray sweatpants, often which have holes in them. They look AWEFUL on him and I don't even want to be seen in public with him like that. I mean....dang, is it THAT hard to wear something nicer? I can't even find him physically attractive anymore because of this.....and that's really not good for any relationship. He's only 20, so I am hoping that as time goes by, he'll maybe start to wear better clothes.

Have any of you have any experience with this? Any comments or suggestions?

Have you tried telling him this?

If you can, try and convince him to go shopping with you (shopping might not be a good idea for him, though, so if he doesn't like crowds don't push him too much, and make sure you go when it won't be busy). Get him to try feeling some different tracksuits, and if there's one he likes try and get him to try it on. Rinse and repeat. You just have to keep trying, even if it means going shopping again another time to look again.

If you can't get him to go shopping, try and find a set of trackuits that look AND FEEL the same as the pair he has at the moment, but are slightly more fitting, buy those for him and try working up from there. If nessercary, take the original pair as reference.

Do not throw his clothes away however tempting it may be! When mum threw my jeans away I didn't talk to her for six months, and that was only to ask money for a replacement pair. I was /furious/ with her.

If he doesn't wash his clothes, then buy three or four of the same pair of trousers/shirt. That way they can still get washed.

I'm half asleep so most of this probably doesn't make sense... but good luck anyway. ^___^

I more comfortable in wearing old scruffy clothes.

I think people that judge other people for what they wear are really shallow. I mean it is what is on the inside that matters.
You should try and think deeper about things.


I know how to dress up and look good but I find it a bit of a con really.

hmm, i cant relate to the whole thing of aspies dressing ike crap because i like dressing. from your description, id say you dont want him to change around completely, but just pay a little attention - not sacrificing comfiness but not going for the fresh-from-the-trash-can look forever, too.

my guess is that you should bring the matter to clear talk (aspie-clear) and help him along the way. make plans beforehand, look into and talk about things that could both look nice AND feel comfy, and then go out and try finding stuff together.

This is the same thing he tells me, and I am NOT shallow. I don't judge people by there clothes, because if I did, I wouldn't be DATING him. Yes, I like him enough, but there is nothing wrong with trying to look nice every now and then.
What if I wanted to feel comfy all the time? I'd be walking around in shorts about 3 sizes too big and a parachute sized t-shirt. There is a point where the clothes that seem ugly to you start to turn you off and become almost nauseating to look at.
Would you want to date a girl who dressed like a slob? Honestly? What about one that doesn't bath regularly?

Perhaps someone could be called shallow for only wanting to wear comfy clothes and not being open-minded enough to trying something different?

Sorry, one of my pet peeves is being called shallow because I most certainly am not. I'm too open-minded for my own good and I let myself be walked on too much.

I tried getting him to go buy some clothes with me before but he says he doesn't want to, and uses his Asperger's as an "excuse" for his way of dressing.

Bring him on here and introduce him to the people who have the same problem but still look after themselves. XD

I also have sensory problems, and I like wearing comfy clothes, but I like jeans, so I normally wear jeans and a tshirt. I do keep stuff clean though (except for my jeans, which are lucky if they get washed once a month). However, I do dress up occasionally for my boyfriend (<3333) mainly because I think he deserves better. >> I look and feel like an idiot when I do that though.

EDIT: I forgot to mention, there's nothing wrong with wanting your boyfriend to look nicer, as long as you're still accepting that there's compromises to be made, which you seem to be. Just be careful not to push your boy too much, just a little, and keep doing it.

My personal solution comes very handy in my situation. I work in a shop that basically sells outdoor gear. Outdoor gear is made to use in sports so it has to be comforable, sometimes very very much so. At the same time a lot of the clothing is looking more and more tidy at the moment. At the moment I am wearing a light-dark-green checkered buttoned shirt by the North Face. It actually looks very decent in 99% of the situations I encounter, but still it's cut and it's material are made to be very comfortable. The same goes for a lot of my pants, but unfortunately I am wearing a normal coton brown one now which is far less comfortable. Ofcourse clothing like this is not for a wedding party or so, but it will not look weird in real life.

I don't agree you are shallow by the way. It is quite normal to want to look at least decent. Anything else actually substracts attention from more important issues, because people keep thinking 'what is that?'.

If you can convince him to try changing, there's some alternative gear he can get. I get the worrying about clothing thing; it really does turn you off when I guy wears holy pants.

Things to try and find with him:

- EZ wear pants. They have them in Canada; they probably have a website by now. they have a variety of styles. They feel like jogging pants, but they've got ones that look like jeans, somewhat dressy pants, and they're extremely comfortable.

- New jogging pants.

- If he's a t-shirt fanatic try polo shirts (gold shirts?) with the collars. It'll make him look moderately better. Especially if you get one with some sort of colour line on the collar.

- thrift store jeans - they're more broken in and as a result a lot more comfortable.

A bit of a note on the shorts thing: He might be legitimately hot and not feel the cold. I know I used to get in trouble for wearing shorts to school when it was snowing outside.

Well you are judging him by how he dresses in this post??

I don't mind a chick that dresses like a slob, I acutally perfer one like that. Yeah she will have to bath regularly though.

Why don't you dress comfy be yourself and relax about your clothes too then. I doubt he would care. If he does you could call him a hypocrite.

Sounds more like the problem is you are embarrased about what other people think.

Mmm. You know, there might be something you could do that could be helpful.

We kinda suspect my dad's aspie, so this might apply.

My mom tried for years to get dad to wear jeans stating how comfortable they were. He absolutely refused stating they didn't feel comfortable to him. Eventually she gave up.

Years later my cousin had a themed wedding: Everyone HAD to wear jeans. So, dad relented and wore the jeans for his "costume".

After wearing them for a while, of course, jeans get more comfortable than they are in the store. By the end of the night, he was addicted to his jeans.

I don't think I've seen him in anything but Jeans the last 5 years .

So, maybe the solution is to go on a date somewhere he HAS to dress up at least a bit? Go over before the event what he's expected to wear. Maybe even coax him with the "costume" idea?

mr bogan: one could consider it absolutely basic courtesy towards a loved one to constantly work on oneself to be the best one can be for that loved one. having a great mind isnt an excuse to not get ones body in shape and it also isnt an excuse for not dressing well.
and dont you confuse "being oneself" with "idling along the way of least resistance". they dont have much in common.

dazzlekitty: damn, that really isnt an easy situation exactly.
i guess i dont know much that could help, except i could pose as counterexample. i can see the whole line of argumentation stemming from that attitude of using aspergers as a whitecard for not caring... and its bound to get you two screaming at each other more than anything, let alone solving the problem.

I like comfy clothes.

You are one sexy lady. purrrr!

Anyway I prefer woman without any clothes on at all.

I also get attacted to my clothes, I have heaps of favorite old shirts.

Well, this something I can relate to. I've been told many times by women that I dress like a bum, that I could be really good looking if I took the extra effort to dress nice, ect.

I usually just dress in cargo pants and a T-shirt. I've always hated taking the time to dress nice, or look sharp. I find whole routine tediouse, and most of the time, I can careless what I look like.

What seems to bug women is they just can't relate to how grueling picking out "nice" clothes and looking nice is for me.

Have you talked to him about this?

hmm.. I agree with the shopping suggestion. Go into some stores, find some clothes you both think think look good or okay, and let him decide if it's comfy.

If money allows it, get two or three outfits at once, even better if they can be mixed. Most aspies are terrible at coördinating clothes, altough I pride myself on being a snappy dresser

Just remember though, he might have bigger issues with the feel of clothes than most people have with how they look..

Some not too thight cotton pants with a bordeux or wine red shirt for example, is for me the epitome of style and looks. But see, that is just me. We aspies all have different issues with how things feel or look.

Also, something I'd realy like to advise.. it's important to not be 'pushy' or tell him he must be changed. Most of us kinda..dislike people telling us how to do.
Go shopping, but no pressure, no *must*. Let it be a fun thing to do togheter. Give him the control, just advice him.

Yes



if she doesn't smell, okay. Even then I might not mind heavily.



it's a damn good excuse, because it's true. I'm not too into the new clothing styles, they are nice to wear and all and I don't have a problem with that but I lik clothes that are baggy like that too. Meh, it depends...