This semester I have been one edgy S.O.B. I'm 26, male, undergrad. I go to an art school. Lots of egos clashing all the time. It throws off my judgement as far as how to act around people in my age group. I don't shift well from one frame of mind to another; i can't always go from "edgy/defensive/defensively arrogant" to "congenial and charming" within the space of one day much less five minutes. You're all on the Spectrum. You know what I'm talking about.
Thing is everything feels completely normal to me. Its when people get offended that I am confused, though afterwords it makes some sense to me. Its just awfully surreal. I'm normally a bit better with this sort of thing.
"This sort of thing" includes:
knowing that if you are trying to reach a friend who is a girl, calling her once should be enough. Multiple times makes them uncomfortable or annoys them.
Understanding what will come off as sexist to a young female's ears, vs. what makes perfect logical unoffensive sense to my mind.
Understanding when people are being nice to me vs when they're trying to F with my mind.
knowing how to be polite and kind as opposed to being what seems to me to be honest. (for instance, in an art school, and you're any good, you develop an ego and forget that some people's egos are more fragile than yours. Or alternately you stop caring, forget that you stopped caring and then wonder why what you say and do offends the less confident.)
Certain people really don't want to hear about how I'm freaking out because Effexor is almost completely suppressing my sex drive. Meanwhile, some people aren't phased at all. Normally I can tell which are which.
I really do feel like on the wrong planet. I feel like I am in an alien culture.
Ironically when people act the way I act, I get hurt by it. I experience it as two different things, what they do and what i do. THey aren't usually connected in my mind, at least not for a few days.
I don't understand what is going on or what has changed in me lately.
What are your thoughts or similar experiences?
23 May 2009, 10:56 pm
